4 - Wednesday, March 2, 1988 - North Shore News BOB © strictly personal ¢ NICE GUYS finish first. That is, they are finished living first — or, at least, sooner than the bad guys. Should have known. There's no justice! An Australian study finds that people who hold back their anger and refrain from emotional out- bursts are more at risk in terms of suffering cancer than the louts who go around dumping on everybody. ] suspected as much. Of course I didn’t say anything before now — being such a nice guy, and all. Nice guys don’t like to say bad things even to loudmouths Raia N. ow that there is evidence that niceness doesn’t have any statistical value — in fact, has a negative value — in terms of longevity, maybe it’s time to turn that nice guy image around.”’ Etna I was raised, I should say, to be a ‘nice kid.’” My mother was quite adamant about this, . “Be nice,’’ was her favorite phrase. It’s actually not bad advice. It may not be the right attitude for going into battle for truth and glory, but, if everybody did it — be nice, that is — the world would be a you-know-what kind of place. Being nice didn’t always work when I was a kid, of course. There was one boy down the block who used to beat me up all the time. We were about the same size but he had a vicious streak, and, in fact, ended up later in life doing time. T took it for years, trying nicely to avoid him. Finally, one day, I snapped. Scooping up a huge steel toy truck, I began boxing the poor kid as hard as I could until he fled screaming down the sidewalk with me charging along behind, crazed with battle-fever. | actually drew blood. It was a giddy, enlightening moment. : a I learned from that experience that a few of the old Laws of the ‘Jungle still applied. I was dragged -over by my mother to apologize to him in front of his mother, of course, and I did, but we all knew I didn’t mean it. And J knew he'd get me later, but it was worth it. As a lifestyle, though, | couldn't see violence as my main outlet for energy. Love and art and dance and feast and strong brew looked like much more fun. My fingertips cried out for contact more than my knuckles. Rare outbursts of savagery aside, | have enjoyed being essen- tially a nice, sweet, reasonable, logical, easy-going, mellow fellow. And 1 like other nice people. It’s sad to see our kind being consign- ed to the endangered species list just because we don't enjoy pick- ing on people or beating them up or snivelling on their shoulders. Heck, [ even like nice dogs. E don’t normally think of politi- cians as being nice. Yet come to think of that too, most of the ones I do know are nice encugh, and one, contrary to her public image, is very nice. **Nice’’ is a word like ‘‘cute.” Only, since you can be cute and still horrid, but not nice and horrid at the same time, being nice is even sweeter than cute. Take the Flying Dutchman — you know who — for instance. Cute, but ... nice isn’t quite right, is it? Real men — at least, real writers — try not to use words like ‘‘nice."’ Or, if we do, it's a put- down. That's nice, dear. Every once in a while you'll hear the phrase “really nice’’ employed in a tone of voice that suggests reverence. But not often. Grandeur isn’t one of the chords struck by the idea of niceness. Nobody thinks of us as living ina nice uni- verse, for instance. A nice fittle planet, fine. Nice rhymes with mice. I'm afraid that says the: whole thing. When Superman isn't up, up and awaying, he’s being ‘‘nice Clark Kent.’* That isn’t too subtic. This is what they call a cultural meussage. Nice guys don’t fly. What they do is stay on the ground, accumulating stress. Now that there is evidence that niceness doesn’t have any Statistical value — in fact, has a negative value — in terms of Son- gevity, maybe it’s time to turn that nice guy image around. But do it the nice way. If the trick is to let off steam, what Ill do is go right up to the next person I see, and be nice so fast they won’t know what hit them. ae ; Then FH get nicer. And even nicer. Unbelievably, frighteningly nice! And finally, I'll be so nice, they won’t be able to stand it any longer, and they’l! flee.’ Aggressive niceness. That’s what the times call for. No sense going back to barbarism. That ‘wouldn’t be.... : Nice? © oo, Premium quality Beautyrest bedding sets now HALF PRICE. HUBRY...LIMITED OFFER |\COLONY HOME FURNISHINGS 1075 ROOSEVELT CAES., N.VAN. & (2 biks behind the Avalon Hotel) AMPLE parking 985-8738 OPEN EVERYDAY FRI 9-9, SUN 12-4 SIMMONS lowing birth. 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