-PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES A final report on the Duke Diet and Fitness Centre program where Paul iy seeking | to escape heart attack, stroke and sloth, DURHAM, NORTH Carolina — Oh, it’s been a fun-filled two weeks working treadmills on 950 calories a day and being lectured about my rotten eating and exer- cise habits. This place is one of the oldest and most famous fat farms of North America, Here, they leave no stone unturned over us overweight worms, Here, we get "behavior coun. selling.” Behavior counselling! ' You heard me. Mother gave me behavior coun- selling, long ago, I resisied hers. I “resisted my wife’s and my daugh- ters’ behavior counselling. [ didn’t “..cross a continent to get ithere, but | got it anyway, That is a problem with fat farm. programs. By the time most of us ’ seach the age when lard goes on and breathing gets harder, we have lived long enough to see dozens of “medical fads come and go. - One of those fads came and went during these two weeks in Narth Carolina. Statistics had shown that mas- “sive vitamin doses reduce the risk of cancer. Then a study in the New England Journal of Medicine intvo- _ duced other statistics which showed that massive vitamin doses increase the risk of cancer.: ‘A 180- -degree turn, but, as in Stalin’s Russia, : unmentionable. In. this institution a young lady kept pouring out vitamin pills in ars, buckets, firkins, and hogsheads. | Well, a farge jar, at least. | EXAMPLE YAMAHA KURZWEEE “fake them,” sie said. She didn't know why she said it, She was aot in charge of the depart ment ol knowing why. In diets, in anything medical, sociological or ecological, bere is ubways that whiff of humbug. Whole sections of the Duke pro- gram remain unexplored by ate, Aone session a therapist aught us torelax, using melfifluous words. Since # fell asleep inthe first Iwo minutes of a half-hour decture, | am left in ignorance about relax. ation programs. | hope that's legal, Another behaviorist told) us that faiiure isn't exactly failure. b's more like non-fulfillment, Mil stay with mother's behav. ioral instruction, thank you, So wauld many of the obese and politi- cally incorrect American business- men of her audience who believe that facing failure and naming the name is the only thing that got us beyond swinging by our tails in the trees, The stated aim of the Duke Diet aod Fitiess Centre is cut the lard and replace much ef with music, Duke also seeks to reduce bad cholesterol, which, in the pre- dictable successful assault upon good cholesterol, is hell bent on plugging our arteries and causing our hearts and minds to stop work- ing. For similar ressons, the Diet and Fitness Centre wants 0 rid us of s salt, despite what the Christian Bible tells us about salt's savor. This has an unhidden agenda, It is to change our habits, A brochure says “Change your lifestyle; not your style of fife,”, Ifanybody knows what this means, they should feel free to tell the rest of us. As a Duke graduate, | say that if changing a style of life isn’t changing a lifestyle, then Lam Queen of The Fairies and live in buttercups. Does this seem a purse-mouthed whine from a hungry man who has been asked to swim to nowhere, pedal bicycles to nowhere, lift weighis and then just put them down again in the same place, all the while hungering for Beef Wellington and strawberry cheese- cake? Odd as it inay be, that just isn’t so. Lam only 10 pounds lighter and a mere three centimetres shorter on the equator. No great accomplish- ment, most of the weight loss was water. Yet simple honesty, which occa- sionally overwhelms all columnists, obliges me to report that I have not felt so well in years. . CASIO. FRY | 88 note weighted digital piano with bench ................51795 | While stock lasts. Some items one only! WARD MUSIC 1615 Lonsdale Ave. WARD PIANOS 436 W. Hastings St. WARD MUSIC 6339 200th St. Langley North Van. 986-0911] Vancouver 682-8201 | 530-8704 j Nights are shorter, morning's brighter and the heat of noon falls sweelly. Maybe it's just the companion: ship of fellow sufferers who live under the had fuiry’s curse that everything tasty ends up making you short of breath, Maybe it's the usual foolish optimism that afflicts all dieters ia the early stiges, Whatever the r son, let it be said that life is lighter ind brighter, Even the fatless, saltless diet in the communal kitchen is not as unappetizing as God intended it to be, You even feel filed. I don't know about people who stay here 14 weeks, but after two weeks my discovery is that mader- CINEMA 1 SEPARATE ADMISSION FEATURES REALITY BITES Nightly 7:05pm - Mature HOUSE OF SPIRITS Nightly 8:55pm - 14 yrs Friday; May 20, 1994 - Noth Shore News - 9 iter ate exercise and conan sense make an inunoderate change in life and comfort. Beyond moderation, lies trendy madness, That bas its supporters. One Duke graduate shared this insight with her class: “Hf my hus- band had a heart attack while twas CINEMA 2 SEPARATE ADMISSION FEATURES NAKED GUN 33s Nightly 7:10pm + Matura BITTER MOON Nightly 8:40pm icin coLuy writer doing my Duke exercises, | wouldi’t stop ta help him. She has exchanged one tyranny for another, Poor warmth, Poor hus- band. 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