C8 - Sunday, June 6, 1982 - North Shore News

Help hubby find the humor

QUESTION: [rm wondering
what's up and I must admit |
am more than a little anxious
about the tum of events in
our marriage. My husband
was a lot more enjoyable
before we were married.
(Yesterday we celebrated
our first six months of
married bliss!) He is a
natural fun-person, but in
the last six months be has
been awfully serious about
nearly everything. He seems
so concerned about doing
everything well. His concern
has to do with paying our
bills, keeping “sensible
hours”, looking after our
health, and even such things
as running opr two-person
picnic efficiently. He seems
unable to cut loose a bit. It’s
a little like I was when I took
my driver's test. I was so
concerned about doing
everything just like it said in
the book! So is he, but ['m
wishing he'd lose the book
and start being like he was

before. My question is,
what's happening and
whatever it is, should it

concern me as much as it
does ?
STEWART: It would seem

your husband was actually
listening when the preacher
said that marnriage should not
“... be entered upon lightly
or imadvisedly, but with
deliberation ...” etc.

Relax. You are fortunate
to have married a man with a
sense of responsibility and a
desire to be a good husband.
You know that he has the
fun in him and can be a very
enjoyable person. He is, as
you say, “trying to do
everything well”. There are
two things you can do to help
add the dimension you are
missing. First, be grateful for
his responsible concern and
back him in it by accepting
your own _ responsibilities.

Co-operate with him in his
attempting

to be a good

Are you real?

QUESTION: Recently I was
divorced after almost 14
years of marriage. I am not
looking to be married again
at this point in time, but I am
definitely interested in
finding companionship and
even love.

There ts one matter that
baffles me somewhat and I
though perhaps you would
comment on it. I am 36 years
of age and yet the women
that | am naturally attracted
to these days are in their
mid- and  iate-twenties.
Don’t get me wrong. I have
never deliberately decided
to avaid women who are
near my own age, nor have |
decided to seek out younger
women. It is just as | say — |
am naturally attracted to
women who seem to me to
be 25 or 30 years old. Is that
so bad? A male triend of
mine said, jokingly that it
looked like 1 was prepping to
rob the cradle. | know he
was setting me up, but I have
felt funny about what he
said. Do you think | should
avoid those younger women
and concentrate on the 35 to
40 age group?

STEWART: Once again |
have that weird feeling that
my leg ts being pulled ds this

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letter for real? I was all set to
say to you to give your at-
tention to those women to

whom you are “naturally
attracted”. But your letter
sounds a mite childish.

Perhaps I'd be a httle rash to
offer you such en-
couragement. Are you really
36?

Just in case you are, after
all, sincerely thoughtful
about the matter you have
raised, let me point out that
are, no doubt, certain ad-
vantages and disadvantages
to marrying a woman who 1s
much younger than you, or.
for that matter, much older
than you. The disadvantages
may be controlled, or even
transformed into  ad-
vantages, if the atutudes of
those concerned are con-
ducive to the ennchment of
the ralavionship — In
words,

other
there ts real
Mountains can be
turned into mole hills

where
love

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husband and contribute to a
good ‘marriage. As he twigs
to the fact that you too want
the bills paid etc. he
gradually will feel less need
to be overly conscientious.
Secondly. keep loose
yourself and continue in the
way of life that first attracted
him to you. Take some
initiative in promoting your
life of fun together that was
so valuable before. Do it
gently and diplomatically,
for you don’t want him to get
the idea that you do not
appreciate, or need, his
responsible contribution.
Love him for what you have
found in him and take it easy
in being critical of how he is
performing. Give him
backing and invite him into

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

meeting will be held:

© 7:30pm.
e Tues. June 8, 1982

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joy. Remember — he wants
it Loo.

Is he real?

QUESTION: Did you hear
Ram Dass when he was in
town? And if so, what do you
think of him ? Is he for real?

STEWART: The night he
spoke, his was not “The Only
Dance There Is” and I was
elsewhere. What I think of
him should not important to
you or anyone else in the
worid. However, I'll tell you.
Hearing him before and
reading his books has been a
very stretching and
challenging experience. Is
he real? Oh yes! But aren't
we all?

ask hayden stewart

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