‘Tires, coffee an conversation: they’re all matters of gender MIEN AND women are dif- ferent. The sooner we «c- cept this idea the seoner we'll get back te normal work and play. Paul St. Pierre PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES The half cup of coffee is one difference. If one of the boys at a hunting camp is asked to pour half a cup of coffee, that’s what he will pour. Maybe less. Maybe he won't pour anything but will say ‘*You get it.’’ A woman is totally different. ‘Women are not capable of pouring half a cup of coffee. They will usually pour a full cup every time. The best they can manage, by tucking in their lips and really concentrating, is three quarters of acup. Nobody is sure why this is so. One theory is that it relates to breast-feeding, something men are not good at, The female, the story goes, feels happiest when disburs- ing the most. Whatever the reason, a woman is incapable of pouring a half cup of coffee, and men who want half cups of coffee have stopped trying to get one. The great gulf that separates the sexes can be seen in automobile show rooms. Men kick tires. Women can’t, or won’t, but anyway don’t. Why don’t women kick tires? Nobody knows. Nobody knows why men kick tires either. It doesn’t prove any- thing, except that they are not femaies. The case of dogs is different. Dogs pee on car tires. They know exactly what they are doing and why. Urination is the way a dog marks the limits of his territory. By peeing on trees and poles and slow moving people, the dog notifies other dogs that he con- siders everything inside his marks to be his private property. The urine also carries other messages, By sniffing a peeing post, a visiting dog gets a pretty fair idea of the age, sex and phys- ical condition of the dog who first marked it. Gencrations ago, dogs eagerly adopted the technology of the automobile. Thanks to techno- logy, a dog can pee on a truck tire on Granville Street in Vancouver and two days later a dog in Fort St. John will sniff that tire and learn that the Vancouver dog has extended his territory all the way to the Peace River Country. That’s pretty heady stuff, if you’re a dog. But we were talking about the ineradicable differences between men and women... No woman can say ‘‘good night” and mean it. There is no slower process known in any animal species than one woman saying good night to another woman on a front porch. Those words mark the beginning of a conversation that may range all the way from child bearing to the Canadian constitutional crisis. One man will say to another “Bye. Been good seeing you.”’ Nobody takes offence, except his wife. in the unlikely event she heard. Probably she didn’t hear because she was launched on a discussion of progressive feminism with her hostess, after which they may trade jokes for a while. When a husband hears his wife say “good night’’ on the front porch, he goes to the car, cranks the front seat into the recliner position and nods off. Eventually she will arrive and tell him he had too many drinks. For the precise opposite of the front porch good night process, visit your local garage. The liveliest of male social in- stincts are released in the presence of garage mechanics and old engine oil. No subject is too little understood to escape discussion. Traditionally, a woman brought a car to a garage and said the thingummy was sort of funny. However, today she has probably taken a night school course or is into racing and she tells the mechanic there’s too much dwell in the carburation or that the tim- ing belt is slackening. However, that is all she says. No matter how much or how little she knows about her automobile her attitude will be the same. Crisp. Fix it please. I’m off. Back at four. Any man will hang around a spell, talking about cars he used to own, girls he used to take out in cars he used to ewn, other boys with bigger cars who lured girls out of the cars he used to own. From that he and the mechanic will proceed to football, gardening and some wonderful gossip about politicians. Author speaks on music therapy FOR THE more than 300,000 Canadians with Alzheimer’s disease, life is a series of moments that come and go and are then long forgotten. Where modern medicine has been unable to pro- vide a cure for those with the degenerative dementia disorder, Ruth Bright has made a difference with music. Bright, an Australian author, lecturer and authority in the field of music therapy, will speak on Music and the Elderly at Capilano College, 2055 Purcell Way, this Sunday as part of a national speaking tour. The presentation will focus on the role of music as treatment in the long-term care of patients. Bright has researched the effect of shythm and song in improving the quality of life of stroke pa- tients and those dealing with phys- ical rehabilitation, loss and grief, as well as Alzheimer's. The lecture is aimed at those in the medical profession and adults caring for their aging parents. It will be held in the H building in room 113 from 2 to 4:30 p.m., April 21. Tickets are $6 and may be purchased at the door. While they are hanging around, their dogs lift their legs on the car tires. Every male in the shop is happy. Not one understands why women don’t avail themselves of such opportunities for rewarding social contacts. These are just a few of the dif- ferences between the sexes. There are many more. Some are richly rewarding, others are just as puzzling. ‘SEES, KURT'S CLOCK REPAIR Specialized in testorir.g Antique Watches & Clocks 103-2433 Bellevue Ave. West Vancouver 922-7593 BIKE. 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