2 - Wednesday, Juls Et,

1990 - North Shore News

Inquisitive husband

is causing trouble

Q. MY HUSBAND demanded to know the details about
each and every man { had ever dated, slept with or, as he
put it, even ‘‘felt me up’’ or kissed me. IT really didn't have
much to tell, but I told him all f had.

I am now 42 years old and this
is my second marriage. We have
been married a year and a half.

Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth Westheimer
CSREES ITT

Any reference to anyone in my
past sends him inte a rage. Why
would he demand to know se
‘much about my past when it
enrages him? He acts as if I had
cheated en him. Why does he get
so upset? All of this is confusing
te me. What should I do — or
perhaps rather, should have done?

A. What you should have done
is to have kept your mouth shut!
But it’s too late for that. So, now
you must have a serious talk with
him.

I would say to him, “You asked

me to tell you; and J, in good
faith, told you what you wanted
to know. 1 love you and J wanted
to please you. | thought telling
you what you wanted to know
would please you. Now, stop giv-
ing me a hard Cime.""

If he doesn't tet go of your
past, there will be real trouble in
your marriage. This situation
sounds awful to me. You don’t
just say he is “‘upset’’ or
“bothered”? by your past. You say
the word ‘‘enraged.’” You must
tell him how much this hurts you.
If that doesn’t work, you will
have to see a marital or relation-
ship therapist.

Q. My husband is 21 and I am
20. We have a good marriage. But
my problem is this: When he gets
aroused, he is instantly erect and
he wants sex immediately.

Unfortunately, it takes me a
long time to get aroused. He
doesn’t understand this and he
gets his feelings hurt. He thinks if
T don't want him as fast as he
wants me, I am rejecting him.

Row can I handle this? 1 do
love him and enjoy sex with him.
And I've tried stimulating myself
before sex with him, but it isn't as
much fun, I just don’t move as
fast as he does. What can I do?

A. 1 have two. suggestions.
First, ask him to read Lonnie
Barbach’s book For Yourself so
he will understand what women
need sexually. Second, you must
teach him how you need to be
stimulated to be sexually aroused.
He just needs to understand that

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women take more Wine to become
sexually aroused,

Another thought oceurs to me.
Possibly he is afraid of losing his
erection. Maybe this has happened
to him once or twice in the past
and those experiences have con-
vinced him that he must use an
erection or lose it. At his age. not
true.

And even if he did lose it, he
would get it back or find anather
one tomorrow. Encourage him to
be more playful in his approach to
sex.

*]

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