4 ” QUESTION: Hi! To am a 13-year-old girl. I’ve got- so many troubles my dad . doesn’t understand me at all. My mom,well,i think she understands me. 0.K.every- thing Ide my ded gets mad. He gets VERY.MAD at me he won’tlet me go cut with boys and sleep at my friend’s house and I have to be in by 9.00. I hate living with him what should I do he is really making me sick. He hates most of my friends teo. Could _ you PLEASE. tell me what to_ do! STEWART: There are least two things that make “your Dad be like he is. First he loves you and second, he’s scared of something happening that will harm you or hurt you. It’s sort of tough - FT a Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart does private counsel- : ling as well'as a great deal of group’ work. He can. be - contacted at 261-6242 for ‘information and appointments. Letters are always . welcome. Mall. them to HAYDEN STEWART, c/o the North -Shore News, #202-1139 Lons- dale, North Van. JAUSTOMEAUASANONSGUOONUAAAOUOUQUQOEAOEOONED Things are QUESTION: Circum- stances have changed for me so drastically that I am, at 37, entering upon a practically new life. I am no longer married, my children are apart from me by a couple of thousand miles, my parents, with whom I have been very close, have recently moved to Scotland, the job I have. been in for 15 years has slipped out from under me and I am starting into a new business as a partner, after being an employee for all this time. And, finally, the house I have been living in for 17 years Is now up for sale and I am looking for a new place to live. QUESTION: What was the point of your big meeting at the Plaza Hotel? What did you want to accomplish? STEWART: I'm afraid ‘that one of my weaknesses (or strengths - I've not been too sure which it is) is that I'm not too excited about trying to ‘accomplish’ anything. What I wanted to do at the meeting was give away or ‘share some ideas and feel- ‘at . doing it. : : he. is ha aving, _ going, trips he’s planning, suits he’s - baying, — spring. I recognized that my. son was upset by the letter | ‘and I asked him why? He thinks about being a dad these days, and of course you already know - it’s hard to be 13. Your dad - wants so much for you to understand that he loves you and yet he feels he must be your overseer and. protec or and because of the fears, the two roles get mixed up. You have the very same problem. You have to live with feeling like two different people. . One minute you are a grown-up 13-year old woman ‘and almost at the very same moment you are a little girl who wouldn’t mind =a bit playing with her favourite dc again - if nobody saw her -Your dad hears about so many teen age pregnancies, and kids on dope, and ali the breaking | and entry etc. etc. etc. and, QUESTION; Two years ago my husband and I separated. I have felt great dislike for my husband but-I have never said anything critical about him to our son who ‘is ill. They correspond regularly but have not seen each other, as my husband lives in the East. Lately the letters my. husband has been. writing - our son have me puzzled ~, and alarmed. These letters ‘are filled with how much fan where he’s how no one. tells him what to _do, what. he’s bought and | - what he- plans to buy. The latest letter told our son how much he paid for a pair of tickets to a Valentine Ball, the clothes he beught to wear to the affair: and the two new ‘come said he didn’t want to write his father any more because all his father cares for or is himself. Should I intercede and tell my husband how his letters are affecting our son, or, just say nothing ‘and let their relationship fade away? but Except for those few items, nothing is changed!! I am sorry to be out of reach of my kids and my parents, but T feel they are all where they ought to be. All the other. | changes I am happy about. My question may seem down-right childish, but here it is. Why do I feel so happy and eager and full of ginger? From what. I have seen in other people, that number of changes all at once [over a period of less than 2 months] should have me climbing the walls in a wild combination of fear and anxicty and even depression. Am I missing something? will it all cave In. ings that have brought me | rewarding fun and joy. That was the Rockefeller point | gave guess. share MY kind of nuggets. On that particular occasion, the nuggets had to do with some principles of loving. You sce, | am not one to feel that-love has been tried and found wanting, but rather it has been found confusing and not tried. ne e feel enthusiastic | ‘STEWART: You away dimes. I was, just wanting to. although he knows you don’t . want to get sucked into it, he’s AFRAID you. might not . be any more able to handle it than a lot of other kids have been who also didn’t want Hera lives screwed up. So he makes some rules and does these things that upset T 2 HEIR. you so. Try to understand | WHY he’s like-that. If you . allow yourself to feel. what. HE feels, you will be able to talk things out with him _ better. You understand some | things better than he does, and undoubtedly he must understand some things bet-. ‘ter than you doe. You have a lot to give each other. Why not risk giving him your love and see if-he learns from you how to give more of. HIS love? STEWART: 1 would suggest you do NOT ‘‘intercede’’ by advising your husband, or complaining “to him. ' You might help the boy though. Point ‘out to him that he was only 9 when his father was_ with him and that it’s hard’ for him to realize the boy is growing up. Suggest to the boy that he ask the father to write about the things he _wants to hear. Tell him the father is interested in more than himself or he would just not write. Perhaps dad is just’ not very good at writing to an 11 year old and needs the boy to ask him questions. and to - tell the dad what the boy is interested in. The boy could. tell him of some: of his activities and. ‘say, ‘‘Tell me what: you, think. about - ‘that. ‘please.”’ i is’ admirable of you not be. critical” two: alternatives cede’’ or ‘‘say nothing’’) leave me hoping you'll find a third alternative. Could it be to. help your son become a better letter writer by coach- ing him in attempting to get replies from his dad that are closer to. what he wants to _receive? Give it a go. sgood — on me? Is it POSSIBLE that I have the right to feel so about - future? KNOW ossible. It's happening OU! Sure, there's the it’s possibility you could sud-— denly find yourself in a turmoil, but I feel you would handle it pretty well. How fortunate you are! I know people who think the world has come to an end if they are given white, bread in- stead ‘of brown. Hang in ‘there boy and be grateful you are like you. Plaza meeting was for sharing ] had another hope about the meeting too. I wanted to make new acquaintances and encourage more people who want the sort of counselling helpl amableto share, to feel a little closer to me and more free to seck out the help they want. That worked out rewardingly. As a matter of fact, to make things easier all the | “of your |. husband. Keep. it up! Your. (‘‘inter- - div.€aron Rea. le culottier — the new _jeans for spring. denim lined and leather trimmed — for ladies and if you’ ree we've got” looking "em all . for jeans” -@ Big Blue © Wrangler °Howick elee ° Levis °Liberte ° Tyme - CAPIL North Vancouver - Hurry down to Handcraft House. March 3, 4 & 5 for. some really” | terrific bargains. for. crocheters, knitters &. weavers. SYNTHETICS - variety of colours & textures Reg. $.35 oz. or $3.95 Ib. in cone Special .25 oz. or $2.50 Ib. In cone WIDE INKLE LOOMS ~ 12’" wide, closed on both sides, HAND CARDERS - coarse or fine Reg. $19.12 Special $14.50 CUM HOMESPUN - single ply wool ideal for knitters or weavers made of alder Reg. $ .95 oz. Reg. $18.50 Special. .50 oz. Special $13.95 - 15'’ 4 harness table * LeCLERC ‘DOROTHY’ LOOM oom Reg. $88.27 Special $59. 95 These workshops run for 6 weeks ‘and begin next week, March 7. Please phone Handcraft House at 988-6912 for registration or further | information on any of these classes. Handcraft House | 110 W. Esplanade, 988-6912 | North Vancouver CHAHGEX AND MASTERCHARGE accepted.