4 - Sunday, March 22, 1992 - North Shore News Subduing Mother Nature, Canadian style THE EVENT was called ‘‘Outdoor Canada.’* It was what we used to call a ‘‘Sportsman’s Show,”’ back in the era when beauty contests were still politically acceptable. Funny how ‘‘sportsman’’ and “beauty queen’ are words that find themselves being escorted out of the language at the same time, as though they'd been bad together in public. It’s like one took the other down with it. The ‘outdoor show”’ was heid indoors at the Canadian National Exhibition because of the crumby eastern weather, of course. What caught my interest was a rumor that some real live en- vironmental groups had booths squirrelled away, if you’ll excuse the expression, in the midst of the labyrinth of high-power nature- busting technology. Although I spent the better part of two afternoons at the show, I never did find the environmen- talists, unless you mean the Temagami Wilderness Centre, where Les Stroud can teach you how to go camping with your bare hands, more or less, making fires without matches, erecting shelters out of birch bark, being as primitive as possible. ‘‘Zero Im- pact’’ purist survival stuff. Ex- cellent. But, alas, the exception rather than the rule. The rule seemed to be to overwhelm, push aside, clamber over, smash through, bend, cleave, crush, blow and butt one’s way through the eco-system, using raw piston power and fossil fuels to launch the assault. I did talk to Bob Wood, co- author, with his brother Peter, of a magnificent book of bird photographs, titled Bright Wings. He verified that, indeed, the populations of some songbird species commonly found around the Greater Toronto area had decreased by as much as 30% in the last decade. He mentioned thrushes, Ken- tucky Warblers, Wilson’s Warbler’s, plus several types of sparrows and perching birds. “No one knows exactly why,” Wood said with the instinctive caution of a lifelong bird-watcher, “‘but it surely has something to do with the wetlands being filled in on private property and forests being clearcut, not just here but in the southern wintering grounds. He doesn’t say it, because it would be rude, considering we are surrounded by folks hustling duck decoys and wiid-turkey callers, with a lot of stuffed pheasants and geese featured in nearby booths, but the decline of the = Cap Theatre presents: Bob Hunter STRICTLY PERSONAL birds just might have something to do with the influx of humans and their infernal machines into the remaining wilderness. Influx? Blitzkreig is more like it. For between $6,000 and $9,000, you can pick up a six-wheel am- phibious all-terrain vehicle. It has an eight-hour fuel range and can climb incredible slopes as well as navigate white water. It can even handle muskeg. There is probably no corner of Ontario it could not successfully penetrate. We're talking Ter- minator 2-class ATV. Mobile home sales are up, nature-lovers will be thrilled to know. These are units with mi- crowave ovens, chemical toilets, dual air-conditioners, television, stereo, a bar. Salesman Ken Whiting reveals that these luxury homes-away- from-home are the wave of the future, with more and more peo- ple eager to buy the trucks that are necessary to haul them around. “*Iu’s better than being at home,’’ Ken enthuses. Ronald Noel, from Drum- mondville, Quebec, has a stuffed caribou on the counter beside him and color blowups of bears rear- ing up just before being shot. He’s an outfitter with a spread up near Ungava Bay, northern Quebec. He guarantees ‘'100% kills, two caribou, one bear.”’ He's got it all figured out. He just follows the migration of the caribou, can’t miss. He used to be in real estate. He likes this a whole lot better. He takes 300 people through each year. Let’s see, that’s 300 fewer bears, 600 fewer caribou... Hf sports fishing is your way of relating to nature — i.e., hooking a sentient being with a steel hook through the face — Ron Reynolds of Catch & Release has something to offer. A taxidermist, he'll make a mould of your record catch, keep- ing one copy for his ‘‘archives,"" giving one to you for over your fireplace. The biggest brook trout ever caught in Ontario, he acknowl- edges, was taken in 1910. Strange- ly enough, it’s been downhill ever since. Barry Ramer of Bodyguard Canada Ltd. sells tittle squirt cans of cayenne pepper spray io ward off attacks by dogs, wolves and even bears. One blast of ‘‘Bearguard’’ at 20 feet and even a grizzly will fall to the grourid, whimpering at the loss of its sight and the stinging of its nostrils. All temporary, of course. No permanent damage. Sort of like Mace for animals. !llegal to use on human beings, you understand. (An interesting aside: Mace itself cannot be bought and so!d because it might cause harm to humans, but Bearguard can be marketed so long as it is clearly advertised as being for use against animals only, get it? Neediess to say, I bought my wife a can of the stuff to be used on any attacker, period. I recom- mend it strongly as a self-defence measure for women — but only “‘outaeors’’ and against animals, in order to keep the authors of the Criminal Cods happy.) A few booths away, Don Tyndell of Hikers Haven offers a new kind of combined helmet and jacket mosquito net that protects your entire torso. He has the grace to admit that, when you get right down to it, *twe don’t belong out there.”’ Canadians and their relationship to nature — what can you say? Looking back at the rows of cnormous fibreglass boats with their shiny black outboard engines, the Zodiacs and Avons, kayaks and trail bikes, Skidoos, tank-tread ATVs and aluminum camper vans, I pick up the sense more of an army mobilizing for an invasion than families prepar- ing for a vacation. Equipped with Bearguard, a *scoped high-power crossbow, and full mosquito jacket, the Canuck ‘outdoorsperson’’ prepares to go over the top into No Man’s Land. Love that nature! Smash. Tromp. Squirt. Snag. Maim. Ka-boom! It’s an attitude, eh? Before you call anybody else, call us!. To get the RIGHT PRICE for your home, deal with people you can TRUST, call Dale and Jennifer for RESULTS. BIGGEST EVER | 9 DAY AUCTION IN THE HISTORY OF VANCOUVER! Following the "Close-Out Madness” Sale of our consignees’ Persian & Oriental rugs, United Collection Agencies is conducting a DATES SUN. March 22 MIEWING AUCTION |, LAST 8 DAYS ay tam. 1 p.m. 7p.m. 7 p.m. 7 p.m. 7 p.m. 7p.m. 1pm. Midsummer Night's Dream Adapted by Stephen Atkins GIGANTIC 9 DAY UNRESERVED AUCTION to liquidate hundreds of quality area rugs & runners of wooi and silk & wool blend at PRICES THAT YOU DICTATE. DO NOT MISS OUT ON THIS GREATEST EVER OPPORTUNITY! BE THERE! and BRING YOUR FRIENDS, TOO! MON. March 23 TUES. March 24 WED. March 25 THURS. March 26 FRI. March 27 SAT. March 28 SUN. March 29 5 p.m. 5p.m. Sp.m. 5 p.m. 5p.m. Ham. it am. Directed by Dawn Moore Original Score by lan Schildt Set Design by Scott Richardson Produced by Bill Murdoch & Visual and Performing Arts students Join us March 18 - 21 & 24 - 28 at 8:00 pm (Matinees 1:00 pm March 20 & 27) in the Capilano College Theatre Studio R105 TICKETS: Weekdays: Aduits Students Weekends: Advance: $9.00 $7.00 $10.00 Atthe Door: $10.00 $10.00 $12.00 Available at Beaver Foods, Humanities and Cap Corner Information and Reservations: 984-1720.