IT’S AS obvious as her plain- tive call for help in fast Wednesday’s paper: we have to rescue Ann Hamilton from @ fate worse than death. In other words, an autumn, win- ter, spring and possibly part of summer without NHL hockey. Ms. Hamilton has bared her soul. She is a Canadian fundamentalist: without hockey, there is nothing. Life is meaningless. Aside from this total infatuation with our national sporting pastime, she is an absolutely reasonable, down to earth person. Unfortunately, though, she is hooked on hockey. An addict. And no doubt she is not alone. Thousands — nay, millions — of Canadians are showing the same withdrawal symp- toms. Something must be done. Getting the warring parties together to agree on a new basic labor agreement would be the ideal solution. But at the moment that’s the sort of dream one entertains when he or she buys a 649 ticket. How far apart are Bob Goodensw and Gary Bettman? How far apart are Di and Charlie? About the same. You may be certain Ann and all the others have weeks, maybe months, of suffering ahead of them. So, what they need to do is band together, in the fashion of Alcoholics Anonymous, to over- come their addiction; to learn that life can be great, even withdut hock- ey... In another place, earlier this month, I strongly suggested a simi- lar self-help organization for the team owners — Egos Anonymous. I haven’t heard back from them as yet, but I do have hopes. If their egos will allow them to respond. For the most part, owners of pro- fessional sports franchises are high- powered and wealthy personalities on ego trips. For instance, Joe Blow makes his millions in the real world manufacturing underwear. When he goes into a restaurant or other public place, do heads swivel and people Where professional excellence is the difference. High School driver training courses. CARSON GRAHAM — ROOM 302 @ 3:20 ROOM 302 @ 3:05 ROOM 219 @ 3:20 ROOM 236 @ 3:15 ROOM 300 @ 3:00 ROOM 212 @ 3:15 ROOM 211 @ 3:30 S.TA. HANDSWORTH SENTINEL SEYCOVE WINDSOR NORTH SHORE DRIVING SCHOOL LTD - Sim Kearney THE SPECTATOR whisper to each other: “Hey, that’s Joe Blow, king of the under-garment world!” Of course not. But if he buys himself a pro sports franchise? Wow! An instant celerity. Everyone knows who he s. His ego has never had such mas- caging. He becomes the ultimate hero-worshipper. And to make it onto prime time news hugging the superstar he’s just signed for a jillion dollars is an ultimate experience. And that’s the ultimate problem. Joe and his fellow owners have cre- ated a financial nightmare for them- selves by thrusting millions on their stars and superstars. Now they want the players to save them from their excesses by agreeing to a salary cap: saying: “We can’t help ourselves. You must cure us of our addiction.” Are the players buying this? Of course not. The only way to a cure is through self-help. Thus, Egos Anonymous. As soon as one of them gets an overwhelm- ing urge to shell out sorne ridiculous sum for a player, he must phone a fellow owner, who will rush over to his house or office and baby-sit him until the urge passes. And, like AA, regular weekly meetings to reinforce their desire to kick the habit. Then there wouldn’t be grotesque scenes, such as New York Islanders signing Eric Lindros’ 18- year-old kid brother, Brett, to a five- NOV. 28 NOV. 28 NOV. [5 NOV. 14 NOV. 14 NOV. 29 NOV. 29 year, $7.5 million contract at almost the very moment Boston Bruins boss Harry Sinden was on TV, moaning that they were all going to vo broke if they don’t get a salary cap. What Ann and all those other sin- gle-track hockey addicts need is to organize themselves into a parallel self-help group: Hockey Fans Anonymous. Regular mivetings. Hand-holding sessions for the utter- ly depressed. Counselling to open up new vistas of interest. Maybe rugby. Or soccer. Or volleyball. Or full contact curling. Anything to cure, or just subli- mate, their overwhelming need for regular hockey fixes: to get them out of the mind-set that says to them: “Hockey isn't a matter of life or death. It's more important than that.” Now, if all this doesn’t stop the overwhelming craving, hockey is alive and well and using unem- ployed NHLers in such far away places as Sweden and Finland. How about it, Ann? Maybe you could organize cut rate charter flights to Stockholm and Helsinki. If you can’t fight your addiction, at least turn it into glamorous world travel. OK? 4Sunday Sessions, Max. 10 perclass 4 Olympic Calibre Instructors upscale Ts rratning Facility eam Sef Delense & Discipine Improve Mottvatton & Confidence hho Non Conttonfattonal Envronment M fis oe INT 1S us ear sre % i, Pant 1a > d SON RT Our 36th Year 1.C.B.C. - B.C.A,A. - A.RA. 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