Some people are still unable to ~ comprehend that ‘no means no’ AS PART oi' the Together Against Violence Campaign, North Shore Community Services (NSCS) is ’ featuring a series of Help’s at Hand columns on topics relating to violence, The following, on date rape, is the third in a series ._ of five. Question: Severat months ago my 16-year-old daughter was fore- |. ed into sexual relations while on a .date. It was, of course, devastating for her and it has also had a profound impact on our. family. we Something that has been mest : harmfu! is the reluctance of peopte “to believe that she was not respon- __,Sible for the incident, School staff, .” eertain frlends, and even our doc- “tor have been less than supportive. ‘Could you please discuss this . issue in the hope that these people ican learn to deal with it move ef- . fectively? © Answet:; What. your . daughter . experienced, commonly referred to “as. date tape,” -happens more often than is ever reported. ; ‘One. of the most : frightening ° ‘aspects’ of this i issue, as you have : partly. described, is the belief of ~eomany people that date rape is in some. cases, justified. “We are still, ‘surprisingly, having to ‘convince some ‘people that ‘no. means no.”’ -In fact, many women: who have been‘ sexually assaulted while on a «date, ¢ or by an.aquaintance, do not . identify the incident as rape. Date’ rape’ does not ‘fit the ‘° “stranger-in-the-dark-alley’’ - ste-'- “yeotype, and asa result, many “people fail to recognize it as sex- ~ ual assault, and blame the victim ‘for arousing the attacker. yo In’ a-recent:-Ontario ‘study: in- volving students who were asked if it was. appropriate for a ‘male to force sexual intercourse : ona fe- 4 Legal Services Society to THE: LEGAL Services Society of British Columbia has scheduled ‘an open’ forum fer,:the North. Shore n Tuesday, Nov, 9. : ‘The forum is planned to receive mmunity input on ways to im-- prove © legal. services, «-The . Legal. targetted increased Services’ Society . has North: Vancouver. for HELP'S J AT HAND male, some said ‘tyes’? under the following conditions: if the boy spent 2 lot of money; if the girl had gotten the boy sexually ex- veited; if they had dated a tong time; and if she led him on. Another .commonly held belief is that it is okay to take advantage of someone who has had too much. to drink: Young people need to be taught that taking sexual ad- vantage of someone who is men- ’ tally or physically incapable of giving consent is rape. Young people should be alerted that excessive jealousy in a rela- tionship often leads to manipulative and abusive "behavior, “"- Abusers have a desire for power ‘and control over their victims and inappropriate jealousy can be an, early: sign of this desire. Parents should encourage their ‘ dating children to have social in- dependence outside of their rela- tionships with boyfriends and girlfriends. Abuse occurs primarily in isolation and secrecy — it is important to have friends to turn to for help if needed. As .you have pointed out, doubts about her experience can be very harmful, People support- ing someone who has been abused may experience confusing emo- tions and responses themselves. The best support will be non- judgmental — listening, showing respect for her choices in dealing with it, It- sounds as though you were unsatisfied with your doctor. To legal aid services. Paulah Dauns, project manager ‘with Legal Services Society, wants to hear from the people of the North Shore about the strengths of the current system, and identify - ways to build into the new system. This forum is not designed to address individual legal problems. get names af North Shore doctors who are sensitive to women’s concerns in particular, call the North Shore Women's Centre at 984-6009. Perhaps your daughter was assisted by some of the services we will. mention. Battered Women's Support Services (BWSS) offers a Dating Violence Program for young women, as well as infor- mation, support, advocacy, and counselling by phone and in per- son for all women who have been abused. BWSS also offers a Legal Advocacy Program for battered women going through the justice system. They can be reached at 687-1867, ‘The Victim Assistance Program offers support. and referral to resources to victims of a crime. On the North Shore; you can contact the Victim Assistance Pro- gram through the North Van- couver RCMP at 985-1311. In other Lower Mainland areas or throughout the province, call the Victims Information Line toll-free at 1-800-683-0808. The Red Cross Society’s Child Abuse Prevention Program for Adolescents offers an education program featuring speakers and publications. They can be reached by calling the New Westminster branch of the Canadian Red Cross at 525-6884, Help's at Hand, by NSCS, is a forum for discussing government policies and, programs, ‘benefits, consumer and legal rights, taxa- tion and public services. Answers are intended only as a: general guide and should not be applied to” individual cases without further consultation. This column is prepared with financial assistance from the Notary Foundation, For more information call NSCS at 985-7138. hold forum Legal Services. will be meeting on Tuesday, Nov. 9 at the Delbrook Community’ Centre’s Cedar Room, in.the North Build- ing, 600 West Queens Rd., North Vancouver, at 1:30 p.m. For additional information, “contact Andrea.at the Legal Ser- vices Society, at 660-2250. Our Levolor blinds are up to 55% off. Our decorators are free. . Right now, you can save up to 55% off every Levolor blind including Woods. At Jabot we make sure you select the right Levolor blinds for your windows, Our quali- fied experienced decorators will come to _ your home and advise you on colour, texture, size and design. Free Decorating Consultation just cover your windows. We have hundreds of beautiful fabrics to choose from for draperies, bedding, furniture -- and more. The advice is FREE! Offer Ends October 31st This super buy on Levolor blinds ends October 31st. 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