- QUESTION: I have been going out with a man for 3 years. We are both divorced. His children are grown and. on thelr | own. Hb. wife remarried. I have a nine- year-old . daughter, ‘a_ lovely little house ‘and a pleasant job... : ny an After: my. divorce my social life was a disaster. The: ‘men I met were awful. When. am | met him, he seemed a God- enjoy him: asa. person, lover, friend, confidante sand companion. Ms and he has been more of a father to her than her. father. ever was.. The three of us have had many happy times together and I presumed that we were heading slowly but surely for ~-a_ permanent relationsde a and: marriage.’ imagine | my shock and surprise the other day when my daughter asked him when we were going to get married and he answered quite serlously, that he did not like married life but enjoyed us the way we were and hoped that it would continue for a long, long time. How to find an out of stock book QUESTION: I am won- dering If your reader who wanted to find an out-ol- stock book wanted to purchase or just find a reading copy. Would your reader have known about FIN and ILL? FIN stands for Federated Anformation Network and réelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may | be reached at 261- 6242: ; _for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new °- “. Office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) ts for the _ oan _ convenience Of N rth Shore residents. I asked him if he really meant what he had said and he answered most em- phatically that he did: He gave me to understand that he would be sorry if our relationship .terminated, but fae marriage, it wo ae don’t believe they don ; t want. to. {; but... onsider -. Tistthing Our ‘relationship. She went into. : hysterics... My daaghter adores him I feel-torn. It’s ss moiihat our relationship is disintegrating. It’s wanted, my ego hurts, I'am not a cherished woman. I know I need to solve this,” dilemma myself, yet, I. “wonder, do I have a right to. _ expect the man I'am going + _out with to marry me? Am-I° old-fashioned? - ae STEWART: You are stretching it a bit when you. say you feel “unwanted” and not “a cherished woman”. -Your “ego hurts” because he does not, just now, cherish you AS A BRIDE. He ob- viously cherishes you as, a person. makes possible access to three walllion books in libraries in the Greater Vancouver area starting with your local public library. One card does it all! ILL stands for Inter- Library Loan. If a book bs not available In the Van- How do you feel about your picture? QUESTION: f have a special reason for asking you how you felt about the big pic- tures of you that appeared at the bus stops a while back in advertisements for THE NORTH SHORE NEWS. I know my. question bh a personal one, and not particularly important to you or me or your readers, but I'm just curious. STEWART: Weird! I'm not saying your question = is weird, I'm saying I felt weird. 1 felt a bit silly and a bit happy and a bit self- conscious. Now that I think of it, I had another feeling too. I remember hoping that my friends on the North Shore would not think it was my idea! On the whole I think my feeling was one of enjoying a little fun. pressuring people | to do what great. But I feel un-. wovccccnvccccacecoees SUPER ERSTAIR SAVERS Fee OOOOH SHOSHOSSESSOKSEHHHHHEH COHOHSSESHSORESSOOSSETSESOEBOSES OOOOH HHHHEHHHSOHHHEE Sonaceocesesseceseene a 2 So, first ofall, climb down off the “poor me” band- wagon. Already you ‘have | had three good ‘and —im- proving years. during which you have come to love this guy — and-so has your daughter. How would you like to go for four? Let him know it would be dishonest of you to pretend to him ‘that everything is [| perfect. Let him know that it -} would be:a ‘great joy to you. to be married to him, but that you “don’t believe in pressuring ‘people to do what they don’t. want to do” and that, now, having clearly let him know your feelings, you are never going to try to pressure him. Tell him you’re going to focus on your own growing atid bringing more and more to your own emergence into joyful living and more ‘and more into the beauty and ‘warmth and love of your relationship with him. CLOVERLEAF SOLID | LIGHT TUNA °“02 JACOB'S 99*| BISCUITS ¢ BARS 69° WAFER ‘FRUIT ‘ORANGE .- DARK CHOC LIQUID . BLEACH CANADA — - =| WHITE $469. VINEGAR 128 oz. NATURE VALLEY 128 OZ.::; Even if he were to come to JUG - you tomorrow saying he has thought it over and is willing to be married, it would seem to me a mistake for you to marry him. If that were to happen, you would be wise to offer him six months or a year to feel his way along and to make sure. Why not tell him that NOW? WYLER’S FRUIT ’ GRANOLA FLAVOUR "