rt Sek oe nett wT TOTES, Geeta ar ste a lolige 3 32 Wednesday, August 9, 1989 ~ North Shore News ; LIFESTYLES Feminist wife’s fantas ies seem out of character Q. MY WIFE is feminist to the point of boring me because of her zeal for. this cause, .but.let me say that I sympathize, ‘I agree, and I love her for being so fi fiery. li’s just that if- any careless ex- pression escapes my-lips, sbe puts on‘ that old record again. Well, she | isnot going‘to stop, and IE am-‘ge- © ing’ to put up with it. . There ‘is just one ‘thing about feminist. taik.and feminine fantasy .- that irks ne whenever I think of it. - How can women ‘go on and oa shout how Insensitive ‘men are, how can they keep trying to turn” -us. into abject wimps, when their fantasies. are about piretes who. overwhelm them on the high seas, -— vampires. who drink. their olood and dream-heroes wito ‘typify: the exploitive, chauvinistic male? At. seems lke ‘theultimate put- - down when a min’s wife dentands | one kind of behavior’ from: him ‘gud then raves about actors and fictitious characters “who: breek every cule she lays down, and lets him know that it’s the wrong-ac- ‘ting guys who reatly Sees SEXY and romentic to her. - “A. We don’t know why 50 many women in our society do daydream about that fabulous stranger who walks in. and overpowers them sexually. - It‘is true-that: many women do ” ‘just that. Maybe it has to do with the fact that they never have to sce these gorgeous brutes except in fantasies — either ready-made in movie or paperback fantasies or the kind they concoct in their own heads. The erotic episode is the only _ scene these.made-up guys figure in. -The womén never have to confront these dreamboats in any real prac- tical or emotional situation. (Tell ‘me ‘truthfully, have you ever daydreamed about one-purpose females, disposable harem toys? . One man remarked in my hearing that all his dream females had a funny characteristic: they never said a word, just moaned now and then.) I often get letters from wives complaining that their husbands pore over photos of women in .™agazines and gaze openly at other women on the street. '¢ is a happy couple in which the weman has a tolerance for this, ask ‘Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer made easier by the man’s not overdoing the gawking, not doing it in a way that diminishes his wife. I suggest that you try to under- stand that your wife knows she doesn’t want a guy like that in re- ality. And some time you might get across to her that unlike the dream men, real men have real feelings and need to be considered sexy and romantic as well as reliable and livable. : I don’t think many women really want wimpy men for everyday use, Most of us like equal pestners at . Legends show comes SEH THE ‘Legends cf Rock ’n’ Roll’ at the North Shore Winter Club on Saturday, Aug. 26. Thé show. presents a musical his- tory of Elvis Presley, Roy Orbison and Buddy Holly in concert. . A press release promoting the event states: ‘‘The Legends of Rock ’n’ Roll — the show they never gave — very tastefully recreates tiie look and the sound of the three greatest rock ’n’ roll per- formers ever. The ‘illusion is un- canny. The faces, the costumes, the very least. Q. Not long ago you stated, as you often have, thai couples should be able to talk to each other about things of mutual impor- tance. But you watered the message down by adding that non-stop discussion of relationship issues between partners can become tiresome and nonproductive. Since he read that answer of yours, my husband has been impossible. Re quotes you daily and kus your picture on his den wali like a pinup. I just want you to know how happy you have made iim. A. I am honored to be on his wall, but | have not suddenly come out against communication be- tween husband and wife, or part- ners in a relationship. It is still both necessary and im- portant. (Maybe not effective if there is one talker and one listener nodding off to sleep.) Q. We have a longstanding mar- tiage and good sex but I always have to initiate. E would love for my wife te act tustful and aggressive sometimes. As it is, I get to feeling she is-not teally sharing all this sex with me. She does have orgasms and I ain convinced she’s not faking, but she acts as though there would be no sex if I didca't want it. A. Don't fall into the common trap of withholding sex because she won't initiate. There may be a doubt in her mind that you actually want her to start things. Have you reaily per- suaded her that sometimes you want her to be like that? Many women have been brought up to be passive, and this pattern can be hard to break. Some feel sure that the man will be turned off if they act bold. _ Try’ to send her the message again. Leave this column on her pillow, maybe with a present, maybe a necklace? Try it. | to N. Van the movements, the songs. They are all the same.”’ Producers of the show, which starts at 9 p.m., are Les Voght and Sam Orbison (brother of the late Roy Orbison). For’ ticket call 985- 4135. r SU PER SPECIALS! FUJI! 7-120 AS ws4uy7 VHS / BERIDOX ‘m/ VIDEO TAPE my 6 i Offer good till FR ‘I C- 90 AUDIO TAPES 2 PACK $588 FR !| C-60 AUDIO TAPES 2 PACK * $488 iyi un., Aug. 13/89 SUITE WA NE LT fe fl SAE ON-FOODS 4 DRUGS “INFORMATION LINE 438 SAVE BE Quick, safe and | consistent weight loss - § Proven techniques tO weIsHT COMTROL cunics & See us for good hearing aid service — sales, repatrs, batteries and North Western . Hearing Centre — Open Tues. - Fri. 9:30 - 5. Sat. 9:30 - 1. Closed Mon. LOSE Y OUR FIRST @” as LBS. 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