NONE OF us is perfect. Not even I. Doug Collins ® get this straighi ® And that’s why Gray Eyes sometimes wakes up at night complaining that the Royal Hudson is steaming through the bedroom. In my comatose state (I like to use $10 words occasionally) I tell her to be quiet. That it just isn't possible. The Royal Hudson is in the sheds right now. Not only that, but the beloved BC Rail line is at least 200 yards away. So go to sleep, girl. Several digs in the ribs later ! get the message. Tam the Royal Hudson and 1 am being fuelled by a mad stoker. { am, in short, snoring and snorting my head off. Or, more accurately, Gray Eyes wishes I would snore my head off so that she could get some sleep. The head remains where it is and 1 spend some time con- templating the infinite. We snorers are despised and rejected, you know. We never get any sympathy. Anybody would think we chose to snarl noctur- nally, Drunks get sympathy. Drug- gies get sympathy. Loonies are not laughed at. Smokers are not always sneered at. There is even some tolerance for Tories, and there are ramps in public places } for wheelchair cases. We have to suffer, Yet, take us all in all, we are not a bad bunch, Some of my best friends have been snorers. And I knew a guy in the army who put out so many . LEN MACHT CLASSIC QUOTES “When you reach for the stars you may not | quite get one, but you | won’t come up with a handful of mud either.” ~LEO BURNETT coriurs 1ON | 1315 COTTON DR: NORTH VAN. 980-4581 | Forinformation on how the YMCAcan improve your lifestyle call: Pea Voee681-0221 decibels that his massive sibila- tions persuaded the enemy a secret weapon awaited thein. So they bogged off. Perhaps we despised and re- jected ones would get a better hearing (ha, ha) if we mounted a public relations campaign. it could be called BRUTE, for Better Redeem Us Than Execute. Why do 1! snore? There are those who would say it’s because I'm the Beat of B.C., that I was born snoring, that I snore while walking the street and that when I shuffle off this mortal coil it will be necessary to drive a stake through my heart before peace descends on the North Shore. But Dr. Collins self-diagnosis service says it comes from having his face stamped on while playing tugby or from having it pushed in in his boxing days, he having once harbored illusions about achieving glory that way. It would be nice to blame it all on heavy breathing caused by the idiocies of our rulers in Ottawa. But | was snoring long before the Baloneyites appeared on the scene, Doctors claim there are medi- cal reasons for snoring. I quote from Howard Seiden, MD: ‘According to one study, allergy, deflectal nasal septums NORTH VANCOUVER RCMP officers remind residents that they can take part in an Autosiary. pro- gram, which aims to prevent theft from automobiles. Automark involves engraving an identifying number on car parts and collapsing nasal passages were found to be responsible for about 75 per cent of the adult snores.”” Collapsing nasal passages! Deflectal nasal septums! What next? And what are deflectal nasal septums, for pity’s sake? It all sounds as bad as God's Botch! What shall we do to be saved? According to Howard Seiden, MD, the dryness of one’s tissues is a factor in the degree of noise generated. My tissues must be dryer than the Sahara desert. Remind me to wet them a bit. Once, when Son Number One stopped over for a night, he heard this clatter and thought the fire brigade had arrived. He’s a big boy now, but it took Gray Eyes a long time to calm him down. It would be interesting to have someone do a decibel count on me. I could be a world champi- on. She-who-must-be-obeyed says it’s worse when I’ve been at the South African brandy. Which, if true, contradicts the Seiden theory. But I think that’s just woman talk. The neighbors haven’t taken to banging on the walls yet. They too think it’s the Royal Hudson going by. Please don’t let on that I’ve confessed. and valuables, such as stereos, The first community session of Automark, co-sponsored by the Lions Gate Rotary Club, will take place Sunday, Feb. 15 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the old Beaver Lumber Yard on 1420 Fell Avenue. HUMBERSTON EDWARDS THE MITCHELL BAY fe a BY PETER ROBINSON RECENT PAINTINGS BY ROBERT GENN SACK HAMBLETON KARL WOOD AND OTHER FINE ARTISTS 1860 MARINE DRIVE, WEST VANCOUVER, B.C. TELEPHONE (604) 922-7934 Classified Sells 986-6222 9 - Friday, February 13, 1987 - North Shore News Real Estate Personal Injury Ardagh Hunter Turner Barristers & Solicitors #300-1401 Lonsdale Ave., North Vancouver 986-4366 Free Initial! Consultation REAL VALUE 579.95 WOODWARD'S SALE PRICE Inglis “Superb” Built: in Dishwasher * 3 pushbuttons including: Pots & Pans, Normal Heavy, Normal Light ¢ Multi-level wash system * Dual detergent dispenser «In-the-door silverware basket * Econo airdry option ¢ Self-clean filter * 4 colour panel pack (white, gold, almond and black) Bonus! | box of Dishwasher “All” detergent with every purchase. APPLIANCES Personal shopping only. Deliveries extra. Selling through February 15th, while quantities last.