4. HUNKA HUNKA burnin’ microchip: by gosh, Elvis does indeed live. His traces may be found oa the Internet. Call the Elvis Home Page on the World Wide Web at: hup://sunsite.unc.edu/elvis/elvishom. him There you will find the very strange Elvis Links, “places with a high Elvis coefficient’ as the resident Webmaster quips. The links include: @ Elvis Internet sightings Bi the Cardiff Movie Database's filmography @ getting married Elvis-styte BI Elvis’ driver's licence @ Elvis and Nixon travel the universe togeth- er in this series of images created by Michael Tressler @ the Elvis Shrine at MIT & Elvis’ newsgroup: altelvis.sighting. Link expeditions revealed the following, Archive remote access a Elvis Presley Winner INTERNET CALLS ~° from around the world have been made to B.C. Archives thanks to a new remote access imag- ing system. Said Government Services Minister Robin Blencoe, “The response has been tremendous, an overnight. success. We've had requests from as far as Switzerland, Germany and Japan as well as from across B.C.” B.C. Archives and Records ‘Service and the University of Victoria’s faculty of fine arts devel- oped the system. It allows remote electronic access to the provincial archives library of historical photographic images. The service began as a pilot * project in April 1993. It was made available through the Internet on ~ Jan. 31, : With more than 99,000 written descriptions of photographs and 5,000 electronic images of pho- tographs, this collection is believed ~.to be one of the largest photograph- ic image databases available on Internet. “This initial response confirms ~.the importance of this new service. At a touch ofa mouse button, we are allowing people all over the. province, and in fact, all over the world, to enjoy the visual history of B.C.,” Blencoe said. -@aee- Blencoe’said that while he was -e surprised at the number of transac- tions received by the new service (1,200 in a: four-hour period just after. launching it), he’s confident the system can handle the load. “Of course there’s going to be some growing pains, but we've tested the access capability for a much higher level and the system just purrs along,” he said. Connected pages cyber-scribe Michael Becker dialled up the site this week and found full-color Emily Carr gif-format art files easi- ly available. The imaging service is available through the Internet by Gopher at - gopher. bcars.gs.gov.bc.ca 70 of Internet World Wide Web access is at: www.bcars.gs.gov.bc.ca/bears.html Archives collections inquiries can be e-mailed to: >: access @bcars.gs.gov.be.ca Eta, PA. **, excerpted ritualistic posting Crom newsgroup alt. magick chaos The Lesser Elvis Banishing Ritual of the Sequined Pentagram. The purpose of this ritual is to clear the area of all Elvis-negative influences. This includes all that is not patriotic and all chat is not of White Trash at heart. Beyin by facing in the direction of Graceland. For this East. Visualize the infinitely bright light of a Las Vegas spotlight descending upon you. Draw this Holy Light into your head, intoning: “love me.” Point downward, hand over personal privates, intoning: “tender.” Point to right shoulder. “Love me. Point to left shoulder. “True.” This is the Holy Cross of Elvis. Conclude by saying: “Uh-huh.” Meanwhile = over aut cusy reference, we shall call newsgroup ay To AE altelvis.sighting a Carleton University: stu- dent observed the beloved one in Ottawa, skating on the Rideau Canal. “He was head- ing towards the downtown core wearing white sequined bell bottoms and humming Jdaithouse Rock, “Lalso think | saw him at the Tragically Hip concert a few nights before.” the student testified, One particularly spooky Elvis dink shared results of an Elvis seanee conducted in January: “My friends and J, being avid Elvis fans, tecently took part in a special party on his birthday (Jun. 8), “This party included a seance wherein we were lucky enough to make contact with Elvis Presley Himself. “Following is the list of the questions we posed to the King via homemade Ouiji Board, and the answers we got, followed by a brief interpretation: “Question: Elvis, are you in this room? “Answer: Yes “Interpretation: We were overjoyed to find out that our efforts had indeed summoned the King. From this answer we can also postulate that Elvis must then be dead. “Reincarnation was out of the question as all persons present were older than 17 years, However, he could have been alive, but out- side of our view, i.e. looking in through our window.” And yet more Elvis jocularity from the communications frontier: here’s a definition of an Elvis computer virus as found in an anonymous office memo posted on the Net. The Elvis computer virus: “Your comput- er gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self- destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.” Elvis is everywhere, like it or not. Stagger your GIC maturity dates... 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