4 - Sunday, December 1, 1985 —- North Shore News

Bob Hunter

© strictly personal e

LET ME advise you to never give advice.

This is profound materi-
al, even if utterly con-
tradictory. I’m sure you
know it. intuitively. It
seems to me the Golden
Rule should be Thou Shalt
Mind Thine Own Business
As Others Mind Theirs.

What amazes me about
life (well, one of the things)
is just how often one can

f get trapped or tricked into
giving advice, whether one
wants to or nol.

If there is a single linc
that makes me nervous in a
conversation, it is the one
that goes: ‘*Well, what do
YOU think, Bob?”

Me? Think? Ho ho. Nice
weather we're having. One
good thing about the
Iran-Iraq war is that both
sides are losing. A little
joke. So, how’s your cous-
in Ernie?

The next most daunting
line is: *‘No, seriously. I
want your opinion.”

The way I look at it,
opinions are dangerous
weapons that should be
registered before you carry
them around. And as for
the value of truth, it reaily
does vary from situation to
situation. Obviously, there

§ are plenty of times when
lying is the best course of
action. Like when your
best friend, who is neurot-
ic, asks if he really is neu-
rotic, and you say yes, an
he moves on up to becom-

| ing paranoid.

And it's all YOUR fault.

If somebody’ asks ME
what I think about their
relationship with their
daughters or their husband
or wife or parrot or some-
thing intimate like that, I
say, without hesitation:
“It’s fantastic. I’m really

happy for you. Way to

fire!’ | maintain a straight
face and con and con and
con until I get them to
telieve I really mean it.

I save myself an enor-
mous number of hassles
this way. It’s cowardly, but
what the heck? It’s legal.
You are not FORCED to
answer questions honestly,
except by the law.

] used to intervene rather
casually in the lives of
friends and relatives and
neighbors and colleagues
alike, freely dispensing
opinions on such awesome-
ly personal matters as who
to marry, what occupation
to seek, how to raise kids,
how to behave if ever in
office.

No more. Opinions on
such matters have to be
dragged from me by apply-
ing electrodes to my better
judgment.

One of the turning
points came a few years
ago, after } had spent two
weeks at a Gestalt therapy
commune at Shawnigan
Lake on Vancouver Island,
learning about
psychology at the feet of
the master, Fritz Perls.

A few weeks after that
experience, | was giving a
talk at a high school when
a female teacher asked me
to show the class what I
meant by Gestalt tech-
niques of therapy. Demon-
strate!

Okay. Rather. like sor-
cerer’s apprentice, 1 told
her to pretend to ‘‘be’’ her
hand and talk to me as
though she WAS her hand.

Next thing I knew, she
was pouring out her whole
mid-life crisis in front of
her class, wailing and
beating her desk. Oops!
Gee, what do I do now?

| fa DISCOUNT.

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She eventually came out
of it. I split. The kids
wandered off, shaking
their heads. | didn’t see the

woman again until a couple |

of years later, as I was
talking to a Liberal
women's group, believe it
or not.

There was one woman in
the crowd who stood out

from the others. She wore {

a flowing paisley robe with
beads around her forehead.
Quite radiant. After I'd
given my rap to the Liberal
femmes (this was quite a
while ago, come to think of
it), the way-out lady came

over and kissed me and j

handed me a note and left.

1 hadn'r recognized her,
but the note told me she
was the teacher
broken down in class dur-
ing my little Gestalt demo
two years before. As a

result of all the ‘‘mean- |

ingful insights’? she’d had
into herself, she had decid-
ed to break free.” Ac-
cordingly, she'd left her
husband and kids, dropped
LSD, and went out into the
world, and ‘‘found
herself,”

Oops‘again!

The fact that I had given
her no such advice was
beside the point. She had
to have been ripe for some
kind of | psychological
breakdown or
breakthrough and 1° just
happened to accidentally
trigger it. That’s what I tell
myself, - “trying to minimize
any sense of responsibility
for that woman's life.

So I:don’t do amateur
therapy. any more. Beware
of free advice. Watch out
for what your friends say,
they’re ' probably . wrong.
Use your own beano.

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