A8 - Wednesday, March 23, 1984 - North Shore News get this straight by Doug Collins Going electronic ‘to keep secret is that I am the world’s biggest dud when it comes to things mechanical. When the wife goes out shopping and leaves me to make coffee, she holds up the plug of the percolator and points to the electrical outlet. Ali I know about electricity is that when I hit the light switch the dark goes away. You can therefore imagine the fear in which I approach- ed the purchase of a word processor. Wonderful things are said about these contrap- tions and one frequently hears that someone in this business has ‘‘gone electronic’’. Rumor had it that Bob Hunter had gone electronic, and only the other day he confirmed it in a column. He kept his move confidential for a long time, though, and | suspect he made the big an- nouncement only after wrestling the new monster to the ground. The question is whether | shall be able to wrestle my monster to the ground. I suspect not. I suspect it will wrestle me to the ground. It has already done so, indeed. The very day I brought the beast home I felt strange tingling in the fingers and ‘* toes, and took to my bed for |: an hour. When wifey asked me what I was doing there on such a nice sunny day, I told her 1 was recovering from the shock of going electronic. She laughed and never even called the doctor. When you’ve been with the same guy for 30 years you know what to expect. She knew, for example, that 1 nearly threw up after the beast had been coaxed into the car and the salesman put his hand out and said ‘‘Congratulations.’’ Night had falien before | dared to open the boxes in which the new menace was lurking. J was certain it was going to bite me, and sure cnough there were dire warn- Daffodils go on sale FOLLOWING proclamation this week by North Shore councils of April as Cancer Month, the Canadian Cancer Society’s annual daffodil sales drive will be held this Friday and Saturday (March ¥O and 31) at’ North Shore shopping malls Daffodils have alsa been purchased in bulk from the Soatety by oumerous North Shore banks and restaurants to) decorate their premises during the kick off week of the yearly fund raring campaign Offers of heip during Agent by volunteer Canvassers atc saill weleomed by the two North Shore Cancer Cam paign charrwomen in North Vancouver, Sharon Drew (985-8585), in) West Van couver, Betty Jean Wyatt (921 1952) ings under the lids about what not to do in unpacking. ] practically ran away right there. After all, who goes out shooting dragons at night? A whole library of books and pamphlets accompanied the thing, and as far as | am concerned they might as well have been written in Sanskrit. What is a byte, for instance? Something to do with sex? Then there was this bit: Following is a sample display of the debugger screen. But what followed looked to me like hieroglyphics stolen from the tombs of the Pharoahs. And again: This code turns off the debug and attempts to reclaim the high memory oc- cupied by the extended debugger. If you feel in the mood for DRAPERY FABRICS it can fry you! HERE ARE MANY THINGS about me that people don’t know, and I plan to keep most _ But one-thing it is impossible it, you can link Devspec 1 to Devspec 2. But who would ever_fee]l_ that? Vd hamburger. If you think that’s confus- ing, it is as nothing compared with listening to people who know the lingo. The monster demanded an extra piece of hardware and, hoping to placate it, | popped into Park Royal to waste some more money. The nice man behind the counter spoke for three minutes without my under- standing a single word he said. Word processing, in- deed! Pretty depressing for a fellow who has spent so many years studying English. A friend who knows about these fee-faw-fums came over to attend the first wrestling session. The printer part didn’t like him or me and set up a wild chattering and shaking, and was calmed on- ly after a call had been put in to the salesman, whom it didn’t want to leave in the first place. Some _ progress was made, but I fear the worst. Going electronic can fry you. rather have a STOCK SALE SAVE 35% ) ON Sh 7 CTED I BOUCLE . ELVIS r S. 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