OF RECENT years, much has been done to recognize and honor the qualities that are considered feminine. Traditional Mother's Day odes have been joined by equal rights legislations, a resurgence in an- cient goddess-centred belief systems, and a host of societal Tesources designed to support women in various life transitions or career stages. This weekend, however, our at- tention turns to fathers — and none too soon. These days, it seems that the men in our culture are sadly in need of some positive feedback. Popular theory, as expressed in the. media, feminist literature, and a large number of appallingly vio- lent ‘‘male-bashing’’ jokes, seems to have it that men do absolutely everything wrong. Males range from being endear- ingly incompetent at best, to homicidal oppressors at worst. And while we make much of the ‘‘fact’? that men aren’t nurtur- ing enough, not family-oriented ‘enough, we don’t seeni to be mak- ing much of an effort to turn our society into a place where men can express those qualities and spend - more time with their families. While women push for greater workforce options that allow ca- reer and family flexibility — longer maternity leaves, job-shar- ing, etc. — many men are stil! stuck in their traditional role of provider,.in which the options are very few. ; "If you want to pay the bills, work the hours. . This barrage of ‘‘anti-men’’ messages has been confusing to our males, to say the least. The result, to quote poet Robert Bly, is a breed of ‘‘soft males,”’, ‘men who are afraid to express their masculine qualities for fear . of offending someone. - . Some men are trying to reclaim their ‘inner wild man,’’ as Bly calls him, through men-only workshops in which men do . weekend retreats that are often rife with shouts, tears, drums, and male-bonding. : But drumming in a forest isn’t “for most men, although it’s ob- SATURDAY June 19--Father’s Day storytime & crafts for kids 4-8 yrs. 10:30 a.m. N.V. City Library, 121 SY. 14th St., N.V. Info: 980-4420, eoe Sune 19--Pre-register. Summer Day Camp. 9 weeks of 5-day sessions, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Before & after care. N.S. Neighbourhood House, 225 £. 2nd St, N.V. Info: 987-8138. ees ‘Sune 19-Pre-register. Kindercamps for kids 3-5 yrs. June 28-Aug. 6. 9-11:30 a.m., weekdays except Wed. Hands- on summer recreation mini-camp for preschoolers at Seycove Community Centre, 929-7981. eee June 19--Pre-register. Total Tennis Camps for kids 7-14 yrs. at Myrtle Park Courts runs July 5-30. Info: Seycove Community Centre, 929-7981. eoe June 19--Pre-register, Camp Caledonia for kids aged 6-12 yrs. Register by the week, day or half day. June 28-Aug. 6 9a.m.-4 p.m, Info: 929-7981. SUNDAY June 20-Ongoing. Visit farm animals & birds at Maplewood Farm, 405 Seymour River Place; 10 a.m.-4 p.m. daily, except non-holiday Mondays; milking demo at 1:15 p.m.;_ bring lunch & have a picnic: Info: 929-5610. Peggy _Tentel Whittaker ECO INFO viously cathartic for some. What our men need today is a little more respect. A little more kindness. A little more support. A few more choices. All those things that women have demanded for themselves. Men and women are different. Different but equal. And every person has a mix of ‘‘masculine’’ and ‘‘feminine’’ qualities that make up his/her character in a complementary and vital balance. The so-called ‘‘feminine”’ qualities of community-building and nurturing, for example, would have a rough time producing tangible results if they operated in a vacuum without the help of the so-called ‘‘masculine’’ qualities of logic and exploration. I’ve known enough non-nurtur- ing women and enough ‘‘family- first’? men to know that any gen- eralizations we make about male and female characteristics are simply that — generalizations. Studying broad differences be- tween the sexes, however, can be useful in learning to understand ourselves better, and learning to improve our relationships with each other. : When one set of gender charac- teristics is held up as ‘‘better’’ than those of the opposite gender, however, all usefulness is lost in a sea of self-righteousness, wound- ed feelings, and polarizing hostili- ty. Remember, people tend to live June 21~Ongoing. Tennis lessons for kids aged 8-14 yrs. 4 p.m. Kirkstone Tennis Courts. Call for days & times, 983-6530. dune 21--Ongoing art & drama for kids aged 2-18. Info: Theatricks, 986-3318. ; eco June 21-Ongoing Mon.-Fri. Playcare. Drop-in child-minding 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Info: W.V. Recreation Centre. Info: 926-3266. TUESDAY June 22—-Ongoing. Tiny tot tre Seylyon. Info: 983-6550. aoe June 22--Ongoing. Tiny Tot Tumbling. Kids 3-5 yrs. 10 a.m., recCentre Lynn Valley. Kids will develop gymnastic skills, balance & strength. Info: 983- 6550, eee June 22-Ongoing. Give Me a Break. Program for kids who enjoy painting, pasting & singing while parents have a break. 9-11 a.m., recCentre Magnussen. Info: 987-PLAY. floor - hockey. Ages 4-5. 5:45 p.m., recCen- . culture up — or down — to your expec- tations, ‘“‘Male-bashing"’ is not only unfair, it’s also likely to have unhappy results for men and women trying to learn happy co- existence. For those of you who may think I’m exaggerating, consider this greeting card I saw in a loca! gift shop recently: ‘‘How many men does it take to make a milkshake? ... It depends on how many you can fit in the blender.”” Ha ha. Real funny. Substitute ‘‘women’’ for the word ‘‘men”’ and see how fast it would be cen- sored as hate-mongering and vio- lence-promoting. Or check out the bumper sticker that a secretary has mounted on her desk at my friend’s office: “The only good man is a dead But it’s OK to pick on men, - right? Aren’t they supposed to be tough? Men don’t have feelings, do they? Yes, they do, But it wouldn’t be surprising to find that some men have done their best to shut them off altogether rather than live through what sometimes must seem like a constant stream of in- vective against their sex. — There have obviously been grave injustices against women in our society, inequities that we have come a long way in correc- ting, and which need our ongoing monitoring. But let’s remember that the goal — I hope — is for a well-func- tioning society in which both women and men are respected and self-fulfilled. ; There’s no victory at all if the abuse of power simply changes ° hands from the men to the women. So this Father’s Day, forget the tie. Forget the stilted greetings. Instead, spend some time thinking about the important men in your life, and about the qualities you most appreciate in them. Think of the ways you could help rebuild any relationships that have gone a bit rocky. And share your thoughts with your father, your partner, your friends, your sons. That’s a gift that will last a long time. AY HOME SERVICE “ALL WORK GUARANTEE: At this FREE seminar, you will learn: [wy The 4 most Important rules for real estate Investing! por me a ey A ee ee er ( Which areas are polsed for profilt—and why! fy’ How to get immediate credit approval for 75% financing]! [@ How to profit from ‘Change of Use’ and ‘The Ripple Effect’! i How to turn taxable Income Inte MICHAEL Vv. deductible investment debt. [fe More and more and more!! Join us for a FREE 76-MINUTE PRESENTATION at 7:30 P.M, SHARP: Cnt ip el pon cl iy an tt ae an ren The Home Equity Land Davelopmont Limited Partnership 1000 - 1183 West Georgia Strost, Vancouver, B.C. 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