Some

JESUS, Moses and God
were out playing golf
one day.

Jesus teed off first, and th
ball flew straight over the &
way, landed in the green and
rolled to within a couple
feet of the hole.

Moses hit second,
and his ball also
soared and
landed close to
the hole.

Both looked over at
God. God took 2 few
practice swings, then let
ioose on he ball. The
bali few off into the
rough. Just then, a
squirrel jumped over,
grabbed the ball in
his mouth and started
running across the fair-
way. An eagle swooped
down and grabbed the
squirrel in its claws, but
before it could get too far, a
bolt of lightning struck the
bird. The ball fell and a sudden:
gust of wind dropped it direct-
ly into the hole.

Jesus glared at God and
said: “Hey, are you here to play
golf or just screw around?”

eee

“My friend,” said St. Peter
to the recently deceased, “you
did lead an exemplary life on
earth -— but there is one
instance of your taking the
name of the Lord in vain.
Would you carc to tell us about
ie”

“I recall,” replied the new
applicant, “it was in 1965 on

- Ifyou are a golf or fimess buff, then
The Motion Wear Company is

pei Nt :

the fast hole at Pinehurst. Foniy
needed a par tour to b 70
for the first time in my Tite.”

“Was vour drive goo?”
asked St. Peter, with increasing
interest.

“Right down the middle.
Bur when Tf gor to my hall,

it was plugged deep in
— a wet rut mae by a
drunk’s golf car

“Qh dear,” said St.

Peter, “A real sucker!

is thar when you...”

“No. Um pretty

good with 2 3-iron. |

plaved the ball clase to

my feet, caught the

sweet spot and

moved it right

onte the green.

But it bounced

on a wig. or

something — it

was a very windy

day — and slid off

the apron right under

the steepest lip of the

trap.”

“What a pity!” said St. Peter

consolingly, “Then that must
have been when...”

“No. I gritted my teeth,
dug in with an open. stance,
swung a smooth outside arc,
and backspun a bucket’s worih
of sand up onto the green.
When everything settled down,
therc was my ball, only ten
inches off into the cup.”

“JESUS CHRIST,”
shricked St. Peter, “Don’r tell
me you choked the goddam
pute!”

The same foursome played

definitely your store. The fine golf

and fitness wear beutique,

dressy casual clothing perfect
for wear on and off the greens.

"We specialize in quality leisure
wear that is comfortable and looks
good even after five hours or. the
golf course,” says Reen, who
carries top of the line brands

like EP. Pro and Izod. “Pecpie 7

can wear our Clothes to work and
to play.”

Decorated in inviting oak, burgundy and hunter green, The Motion Wear Compas

every day ai 10am. They were
knows as the three-hour gang,
always finished by Ipm so thev
could play gin all afternoon.

Onc tfl day, they ran
into a foursome ahead of them,
playing incredibly slowly, The
guys in the three-hour gang
waved and waved at cach tee,
but the group ahead never let
them play through.

After a frusiracing five and
one-half hour round, the gang,
came into the men’s bar fum-
ing.

The slow group was at a
table across the room and the
whole Ear could hear the
cussing coming from the gang.

Finally, — the waitress
approached the gang and said,
“You guys should lighten up.
That group you're cussing

they can’t see. They're
blind golfers and I think it’s
great they can even play!”

The first player ii

send them over a round
of drinks on me!”

The second guy told the
waitress to put the blind
golfers’ lunches on his tab.

The third guy sent a caddi
to the pro shop for four sleeves
of balls to present to the blind
golfers. Everyone looked at the
fourth gu

“Screw "em”, he grumbled,
“Tell those idiots to play at
night!”

@ee

Their regular foursome teed

off on time that Saturday
morning. On the second hole

y also offers an

extensive line of Liz Claiborne casuals. “I won't catiy anything that doesn't make someone glad they
bought it,” says the former owner of Wesuninster Sports Centre. The store's fitness wear lines, designed for
comfort and quality, include Heavenly Bodies, Brooks and Marika.
With !5 years experience in the sportswear business and a golfer herself, Reen knows how important it is to
get to know her clients. “When a person comes into my siore, they will get my complete personal attention,”
she says. “We also have a customer appreciation program i:ere. Fur every $200 my clients spend, they will
receive 2 $10 gift certificate in the mail."
The Motion Wear Company, located in the new Brody building in the
Lonsdale Quay area, also offers 2 quaint collection of gifts for the golfer
who has everything, including picture frames, umbrellss and framed map
layouts of renowned golf courses.

North Vv.

an 986-1185

foe noticed a funeral proces:
sion going by and) stopped,
heid his hat over his heart and
bowed his head. His partners
noticed and complimented Joc
on his thoughtfulness.
“She was a good wite for 40
years,” replied Joc.
eee

le take golf te

Jesus joined a threesome on
the first hole.

‘The drive had to be hit over
awo small lakes to reach a green
surrounded by sandtraps. jexus
said “OK, FH do this one. If
Palmer could do i, [can do it.”
Jesus took a few practic
swings, breathed deeply, then
hit a blooper right into the

water LO Tetrie
“Who doe

Jesus Christ?” asked a player.
rr turned to
him and said, “No, that’s Jesus
who thinks he’s Arnold
Palmer.”
— Compited by Robert
Galster

GOLFER Sarbara Finnie on the Furry Creek golf course with a flock of Canada
Geese. The ccurse offers great views of Howe Sound from many of its 18 holes:

time for your'm

eting... :

Your “work day” at Furry Creek includes:
© Upon arrival - Assorted baked goods, coffee & tea
* Meeting room complete with audio & visual equipment
¢ Lunch - featuring chefs Pasta Creation of the day
* Aftemoon rourd of golf (including power cart)

All for only $98.00 per person

(includes all taxes, gratuities and room rental changes)
‘ak Special is valid Monday through Friday (excluding holidays) until the end of our 1998 golf season

(604) 922-9576 or 1-288-922-9462
FURRY#geCREEK

Golf and Country Club
Just 45 minutes north of Vancouver on the Sea to Sky Highway
18 hole public golf course * Kestaurant ° Patio © Louige « Banquet facilities

E ot