Ci6-Sunday News, January 27, 1980 _ about new girlfriend | QUESTION: My husband has just started an affair with a girl with whom he has been infatuated for a year. He is very happy about new love and wants to his joy with me. He wants to tell me everything sh¢ does, everything she says, where she shops and what she plans to buy. He’ say “Jill and I were looking for hiking boots for her today”, or, “Jill brought her skis into the office today so J could adjust the bindings” (and yet if our teen-agers, who are only marginally younger than Jill, ask for help, he says, “The best way to learn ts to do it yourself”). Usually when he starts telling me an anecdote about Jill, I say, “I really don't want to hear about Hill right now.” Then he gets mad and says I should be happy that he has a friend. He feels let down by my- reactions. When I said, “How can you spend so much time with Jill and talk about her all the time when you know it hurts me?”, he replied, “How can anything that brings me joy, hurt you?” intellectually, I know that two people who love one another, do not feel threatened by the love that each feels for other people. Robert Heinlein said, “The more you love, the more you ean love, and the more intensely you love. Ner is there any limit on how many you can love, If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.” Why do I feel threatened? Why do I feel that we have no future together? I have a very interesting job, lovely children (great kids!) good friends and enjoy outdoor sports, but I miss the closeness that my husband and I once shared. Perhaps most marriages are like this — people coming together, growing apart, coming together again. But we need a formula for getting through these terrible times when we feel like a heavy weight is ba crushing our hearts. Do you have that formula? (Note by Hayden S. There follows an ancillary question which we must neglect answering due to lack of space. Perhaps it will be found in a_ later column). STEWART: I do not have the formula you say you need. And if I had, I should hesitate {O pass it on, because it would be MY formula, not yours. You may find some value in your husband’s comment that, “The best way to learn is to do it yourself”. Despite my tendency to avoid leaning on formulas, | am sending you a copy of the Love Principles, which, IF YOU PERMIT YOURSELF. TO ALLOW THEM TO BECOME YOUR OWN, may quite well become profoundly valuable to you in the position in which you find yourself. Your Robert Heinlein quote appeals to me tremendously as idealistic, yet most important, theory. The difficulty lies, of course, in transforming the theory into a way of living. |] WANT to love everyone on earth, without conditions. I may choose that way for myself. but, I am finding that I must be open to discovering new ways to travel along that path. There are occasional sign-posts that help me. Freelance Counseilor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 _ forappointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new + office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the -+ > convenience of North Shore residents. Once in a while I am aware Of a “sign” that says to me, DANGER, VIEW- POINT AHEAD. Or one that says, WRONG WAY — DO NOT ENTER. Or one that barely whispers to me. (yet with a firm clarity) REDUCE SPEED — DANGER AHEAD. As I learn to read the “signs” and respect them, I find they do not inhibit me, but rather prepare me for the next venture. I admire your attitudes as I have “caught” them in your letter and feel rather recklessly safe in suggesting to you, that you listen well to your higher self, without argument or condition. A talk would be good. A Jones Avenue resident appeared in North Van- couver City council last week to tell council members that Jones residents above 23rd Street do not want a proposed concret sidewalk con- structed. Bert Belliveau told council that almost 100 per cent of residents above 23rd Street do not want the sidewalk and the paving that the City is planning to construct from 15th Street to the Upper Levels highway. City staff recommended that the work procede because a sufficient petition by all residents of Jones Avenue affected, against the work, was not received. “I gather you would be quite happy if it (the work) was cut off at 23rd street,” Alderman Frank Marcino asked Belliveau. “I gather I Belliveau replied. Council voted to pass the would,” NV teachers call for additionalhirings The North “Vancouver Teachers Association (NVTA) has made a proposal which calls for the hiring of 18 additional teachers at a_ cost of $295 ,000. The proposal was one of a number made by the NVTA in a brief presented to the North Vancouver School Board on Tuesday. Trustees agreed to receive “this very good report” for study by their administrators whose recommendations would be placed upon the agenda for the next meeting, February 5. The brief was presented by Loretta Ceraldi and Gail Tyler for the NVTA and deals with “Schools with Greater Education Needs — Supplementary Staffing”. Trustee Frank Warburton quickly pointed out that the North Vancouver School District already has one of the lowest pupil-teacher ratios and that he cannot support any staff additions. Trustee David Craig took exception to wording in the brief that said that the fact that some schools had special needs was “ignored”. and that the method of apphcauion for additional staff was “left to chance.” Basically. the teachers’ bref calls for a budget in- crease for 1980-81 to allow for an addittonal 18 2 Buy now, save Vehicle and equipment replacements to a total] value of $274,250 were approved Monday by North Van. couver Distnct council Atderman Jim Ball recommended that these replacements be made in 1980 rather than left to a later date when costs will undoubtedly be higher, council agreed One of the vehicles to be replaced dates back to 1966, the others are carly 1970 models. Included) are two In iernational Garbage Packers which are now taking longer to acquire. By contracting now for delivery in 1981! the municipality will ensure that the two larger units will be available next year traditional spanish snacks Lunch noon to 2 pM Dinner from 530 131 W. Esplanade teachers to serve seven schools that had _ been identified as having special needs. Teachers also want the school board to agree upon a standardized criteria for establishing special needs and supplementary staffing for those schools — and they want this criteria and staffing formula to be established as Distnict policy. They also ask that schools which meet the special needs criteria be determined annually and be granted supplementary staffing based on the formula with school board budgets reflecting the likely cost of special needs supplementary staff later Existing garbage packers have a capacity of 16 cubic yards. The two to be ordered will have a 25 cubic yard capacity 986-1181 motion approving the whole project and then to direct staff to delete the portion dealing with the area from 23rd street to the Upper Levels highway. While addressing council. Sidewalks not wanted say residents Belliveau also expressed concern about the number of people who drove up Jones Avenue looking for an enterance to the Upper Levels highway, where none existed. Alderman Gordon Cross suggested that this problem could be solved if a sign was placed at 23rd and Jones informing drivers that they cannot get to the highway via Jones. orth Shore girls . . . have been appearing | u i ; 7 oN oy n the NEWS for years as Sunshine’ Girls This photo feature 1s a constant delight to readers, advertisers and the models themselves If you want a paid modelling assignment as a NEWS Sunshine Girl i} want to hear trom you Write to me at the NORTH SHORE NEWS and tn clude in your letter a recent photograph and your phone number set up an appointment Ellsworth Dickson 1139 Lonsdale Avenue, North Vancouver V7M 2H4 il call you aS soon as | can and sunday news north shore | news