4 -~ Friday. October 3, 1986 - North Shore News THEY’RE picking on Prince Charlie again because he talks to his plants. Trust the low-life press! The royal guy tries to say something interesting for a change, and what does he get but flippant put-downs. Some of the Fleet Street rags went so far as to point out to their readers that) Charlie’s ancestor, King George III, died insane in 1820 and that he used to talk to his trees. Heck, [ talk to my trees all the time and | haven't diced insane yet! I also talk to my lawn, ferns, roses, rhododendrons, zucchini, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, corn, beets, plums, grapes, pampas grass, bluebells, salmonberries y and, of course, the dandelions. As we should al! know by now — it is scientific fact — trees DO communicate, using smells. They can send warnings to each other about infestations of parasites, causing their woody cousins to alter their own chemi- cal balance enough to sometimes successfully discourage pests from gnawing at them. It’s a little harder to cope with the likes of Jack Munro, of course. But [et us make one thing clear: the mere fact that trees are more helpless than seal pups when it comes to escaping from a chain-saw massacre is certainly nO argument against their in- teiligence. Trey don't have arms and they're slower than molasses. That’s NOT the same thing as being totally unaware. The role of trees in the scheme of things may be ignored by the plebes of journalism, but then so is just about everything really important in life such as the meaning of sentient existence, the 1 mystery of spirituasity, the source Of crealivity, ete. In a province like British Col- umbia, where untold zillions of acres of devastated forest: pay mute testimony to the economic importance of logging, the news that we have a prince, likely to someday be our king, who talks to plants, sheuld be welcomed with a joyous shout by the masses. The horizons of public life are stultifyingly narrow. In the crunch, { have to say one thing for the idea of a monarchy: it “allows us to be enlightened in a way that we never could be by mere politicians. Except for the wonderful ex- ceptions like Lillian Vander Zalm, who uses telepathy and ESP to shield her husband from the forces of evil, there are almost NO admitted mystics at all among our public figures, unless you count the TV evangelists. But you can’t serve God and Gallup and so these guys have to be written off as con-men, all of them. I’m sorry. That leaves us with either movie stars, if you are in America or royalty in the United ‘ Kingdom, as the only public sources of profound and cosmic musings. 1 love it when Shirley MacLaine talks about past life- times with breathless abandon. She is treated by reporters from National Enquirer as a bona fide guru. But when Prince Charlie talks about something meaningful, he gets pooh-poohed as the off- spring of a lunatic. If the big royal fella talks to his plants, that’s encouraging news to the rest of us who do the same thing. You see, us plant-talkers are shy. It’s a characteristic we share with the pansy — the only one, in my own case, I hasten to add. Bob Hunter @ strictly personal @ For fear of ridicule, wc wel generaily afraid to admit anything even to our best Friends. Among those who have dared fo bare their green thumbs in public, it's known as ‘coming out of the greenhause.”” 1 will never forget the expres: sion on my wife’s face when | told her there was something | had to tsil her, and she asked what, and [ suid ‘f can commu- nicate with my plants,’* and she said, unblinkingly, ‘Is there anything else you want to tell me?’ So then I told her about talk- ing to the dog. She shrugged. Who doesn’t talk to their dog? So J thought I'd mention the spiders | also talk to, the Blue- jays, the rabbits, the snakes, the bees, the bats, the eagle, the heron, the coyotes, the bears and the lawn mower —_ basically anything that wouldn't interrupt. “Do they SAY anything to YOU?" she wanted to know. 1 thought about that long and hard. The answer was: ‘‘No.”’ My wife was visibly relieved. I mean, none of us wants me (or Charlie) to die insane just because we muttered something about the mother-in-law to the plum tree, or told the big Douglas fir in the front yard that the plumber is asking too damn much. What can possibly be wrong with letting it 5e known to the skunk cabbages down by the creek that you’re mad as hell and you’re not gonna take it any longer! . The way I see it, as Jong as Charlie didn’t say his cabbages chatted to HIM, he's okay. He's still hanging in there. Anybody who doesn’t talk to his or her tulips is missing out on one of the great joys of life, anyway. It’s when they talk back. Watch it! SQUAMISH WON'T FOLLOW SECHELT EXAMPLE Chief affirms band’s self-government goal | THE SQUAMISH Indian Band has affirmed it will be seek- ing self-government, but not through the channels sought by the Sechelt Indians. Commenting on the Sechelt In- dian Band being the first in Canada to legally vote in favor of replacing the federal Indian Act with its own constitution, Chief Joe Mathias of the Squamish Band said his band will not take the same steps. Mathias explained the Sechelt Band will now be like any other municipality, with the right to con- trol membership, their land and the management cf social pro- grams. But Mathias added: ‘‘It should be clear, from our constitutional view, (the Sechelt Band Act) is not self-government. “The federal government is enabling Sechelt to do certain things that they couldn’t do under the Indian Act. It's not self- government because the provincial and federa) governments still have an override authority. [c's delegat- ed legislation — it’s indian Act part IT."" Mathias said his band is waiting By KIM PEMBERTON News Reporter SQUAMISH CHIEF Joe Mathias...pursuing Indian self- government, to hear the outcome of the next First Minister's Conference on Aboriginal Rights in April, 1987. “The road we’re pursuing is the inherent right to Indian self- government by section 35 of the (Canadian) Constitution,"’ he said. ‘*Prime Minister ° (Pierre) Trudeau’s government and the provincial governments took the position, under section 35, that self-government is implicit. It’s already implied in the consitutu- tion. The process we're involved in is sorting out the details of Indian government by negotiations and agreement with the federal and provincial governments.”’ Mathias said he believes the issue of Indian self-government will be resolved after the next First Minister’s Conference — which is also the last scheduled on aboriginal rights. “There's going to be a tremen- dous amount of focus on (self- government) by all of the parties. There has to be an agreement com- ing down,’’ he said. “We're not opposed to what Sechelt has done. It's just we're involved in a different course.”’ Three fined for undersized crabs THREE LOWER Mainland men were fined $75 each after they pleaded guilty to charges of possessing undersized crabs. 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