48 - Wednesday, June 12, 1985 - North Shore News

Gloves on a canoe

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
T am a member of a group
which has, as its purpose,
the planning and execution
of an annual formal-attire
canoe outing. During the
daylong float down a very
‘placid river, we partake of
caviar and pate and freely
quaff champagne. -

Having solved the pro-
blems of finding tulip-
shaped, non-breakable
champagne glasses and the
graceful methods of upen-
ding while keeping a firm
grasp upon said libation, we

find ourselves faced with

“another ‘etiquette dilemma,
-which may prove divisive in
our ranks,

This is the question of
whether or not gloves should
be worn by ‘the femaie
members of our compaiy.

The ladies are equally
divided upon the question.
Relative peace was achieved,
after a boisterous discussion,

- when it was proposed and
unanimously agreed upon
that we submit this burning
issue te you. ,

GENTLE READER .—
Ladies, even boisterous

: ones, never go to social
.events — hardly ever even

“venture outside of their own

- houses — without hats and

". gloves.

. What has perhaps confus-

ed you is the slightly spor-
‘ting nature of your excur-

- sion. Even then, many sports
= riding, gardening,
baseball — have their own

“particular hat and glove re-
‘quirements, although it is

_ true that: ladies do not wear

. gloves swimming..”

“Floating,’”’ however, is

-not an active sport; the

~ladies must wear gloves.

‘Quaffing champagne and

’ partaking of. caviar and pate

are, so at that time, the

«ladies. must remove their

gloves. ; Lo,

:- Perhaps all this is confus-

ing. Wouldn't you like Miss -

.:Manners to go along and
demonstrate?

“DEAR MISS MANNERS .
— A business associate in

“my office has recently found
“, enlightenment through some
:. Estike encounter group. He
“ isso enthusiastic about this
‘7 pew passion that he is telling
“everybody —- friends, col-
leagues, even clients.
He has already told me
**senses’’

aking this ‘‘training”’.

Since I have to work with
his-man,'I have always been
polite and cordial, but I have
.. absolutely no desire to have
*: any kind-of personal rela-
. tionship with him. I am
« quite clese to his ex-wife,
‘ and kaow too much about

his personai life from her
". perspective.

Now this man is repeated-
ly asking me (and others in
the office) to lunch, and I'm
sure he wants to proselytize. .

How can I refuse and con-
tinue to maintain a pleasant
’ working relationship with
chim ~- and continue to

dunch with other associates?
Can J accept a condition he
-. mot discuss bis new religion?
Can I refuse to discuss cer-
tain topics at funch?
Can you come up with a
' more creative option? |

don't think I could keep
* Junch down if I had to fisten
to his spiel.

GENTLE READER —
Unsolicited therapy is one of
the curses of our age. People
who kindly offer to help
one, often suggesting solu-
tions for problems one
didn’t know one had, are a
menace.

If you don’t learn to de-

fend yourself, you will be at
the mercy of everyone who
has discovered a new diet,
exercise program, astrologist
or saint-upon-earth. One
must always be polite, but
One needn't therefore suffer
the affects of other people’s
rudeness. And it is rude, as
well as arrogant, to presume
to prescribe for others. By
declaring that you would
benefit from whatever form

by Judith
Martin,

of heip he offers, the pro-
selytizer is making it clear
that he finds you unsatisfac-
tory as is.

The best way to deal with
-bores is to avoid them. A
good working relationship
does not require socializing.
You can already declare a
lunch date when he asks
you, or, failing one, an-
nounce your intention to eat
alone because you want to
think.

Should you get stuck, the
polite way to say, ‘‘Shut up,
you're boring me senseless"’
is, ‘‘¥es, so you've already
told me,*’ accompanied by a
vacant smile and followed by
a change of subject. The

fd

polite way to say, “You
have your nerve telling me
how [ should run my life’
is, ‘You're very kind to take
an interest in’ my personal
affairs, considering how lit-
tle you know about me, but
it’ really isn’t necessary,
thank you.**

In this case, you are in a
position to add, ‘‘You know
I've always put’ aside any
personal information 1 hap-
pen to have heard about you
from your ex-wife, because
we have such a nice profes-
sional relationship. Let's
keep it that way.’’ That is
the polite method of
blackmail.

Feeling incorrect? Address
your etiquette questions (in
black or blue-black ink on
white writing paper) to Miss
Manners, in care of this
newspaper. The quill short-
age prevents Miss Manners
from answering questions
other than through this col-
umn. mo,

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