a The ni Below is the aavernment’s version of the classte “Twas the Night Before Clrristinas poems. By the Government Contributing Jarqonist “TWAS the nocturnal seg ment of the diurnal period preceding, the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughour the place of resi- dence, Kinetic activity: was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of donestic rodent known as Mus musculus (mouse). Hosiery was meticulously suspended front the forward ede of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our Uniterpatory pleasure ota any manny POR FCASHER owes" an unbeatable price. Compere at 275.00 FOOTWEAR | SPORTSW ae CE COE SNOWBOARDS “Due ro circumstances beyond our control, product may not 7 ovadable in al stotes. ‘intermedia markdowns may hove been raken regarding an immunent visita tion from an eccentric philan- thropist among whose folk fori appeflations is the hon orifice tle of Ste Nicheias, The prepubescent siblings. comfortably ensconced i their respective accommoda Fons Ob Tepese. Were ENPCTT eneitys subconscrage iste hal Jucinations of vanegated fruit contesnious mowing thai calle through their cerebrum, My conjugal partner and £. attired i our nocturnal head vavermngs, Were about fo nike shimbecrous advantage ot dhe hibernal darkness when apa the wenaccous exterior por Company & CONVERT p Jackets Selected snowboard b eternro coating. Black, 8-XL tion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that [felt com: pelled te: arise with alacrity From nw place of repese tor the purpose of ascertamny the pce seraree thereat Hastening ta the casement, Ptorthwadh oF ecned the barr ers scaling this tenestrati i thereupon thar the himar briilisitce wathour, roflectiod ast was en Ee sur five Of ad recent ervstailine pre epilation minht be sad to rai that of the solr mendian sel thus perma an ingredidous optical sensory oreans to behold a aiiniature fone Com Alien, HotRad, Merrimen, Cardiel, Nelson & ethers. Free ride, freestyle ail mountaia beards. Compare at 400.00 mie runnered convevance drawn by eight diminutive simens of the genus Hoted baa minus + aged chauttcur so chal fient and mmble that a became instantly apparent 10 me that he was indeed our antiapated cafler ‘Sarh des ungulate mote power traveling: apw har nas ™ msibhy have bee naanous vdocity thar patriotic diar predators. he ve aiterated loudly, expetted breath must: vail thre nyh comiracted mouth Parts, and addressed cach ofthe octet be his or ber Vote Ver respective cognernen — "Now ‘ir per store). iments of Vancouver, NORTH VANCOUVER, 1882 Marine Drive (kitty comer to Stopes) ) 984-8494, DOWNTOWN VANCOUVER, 7 9 Thurlow St. 683-2433, VANCOUVER, 7300 Conbie St 8734737, RICHMOKD, 5381 #3 Rood, 2840317, TURMABY ¢553 Kngovey 4301999, EARLDFORD/SUEREY 35D Soper 101 foe. 500-1134, SURREY 10241 King George Hwy 5898848, PORT COQUITLAM 2577 Lougheed Htey. 942:3163, WACTORIA 475-4270, SUMAIMO 751-2878, KAMLOOPS 374-2432, PRINCE GEORGE 5035889, ELOWMA 860-3412, DOWATOWN CALGARY 237-7820, SOUTH CALGARY 2530173, MORTHWEST CALGARY 289-3720, HOKIHEAST CALGARY 5694978, NEW STORE WEST EBMOWION 487-4788, MEW STORE KINGSWAY GARDEN EDMONTON 474.7502, RED OER = a lav “SHOP BY PHOHE 1-800-811-3343 Www. sportmart.ca er Dasher, now Dancer...7 ot al. As 1] retracted my cranium tts erspnvhile location, and was performing a T8G-degree port, our distinguished visi tant achieved - with ecmost celerty and via a downward leap cutry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in ant mai pelts soled by the ehons residfies trons nddations of Gor dennerous tuck which had accumulated on the walls thereof, His orbs were scintillan: with reflected luminosity, while his submayillary dermal indentations gave every cv dence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurte- nance were engorged with blood which suffused the sub- cutaneous lavers, the former Approximating the culoration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing, sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hir- sute facial adornment appeared like sniall, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water. Clenched firmly benween his incisors was a smoking, piece whose grey fumes, form- ing a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, Were suggestive ofa decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthfil, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup ina hemispherical container. He was, it short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocunat. multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whont rendered me visibly froficsome despite every effort to retrain from so being. By rapidly low- ening and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicat- ed that trepidation on my part was groundless. Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced tilling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted trom his aiorementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in jateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave- taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating the smoke passage. He then propelled himself ina short vector onto his con- vevanee, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft ia movement hitherto observable chiefly among the sced-bearing pertions of a common weed. But overheard his parting exclamation, audible immedi- ately prior to his vehiculadon beyond the limits of visibility: “estatic Yuletide to the plin- etary constituency, and to thar self same assemblage, my’ sin- cerest wishes for a salubrigusly beneticia! and gratifvingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn.” —— We've fron the govern: ment. We're here to help you. Have a sood Christmas.