- North Shore News

‘GLU TTONY AT CHURCH

! DEAR MISS MANNERS — Piease update me as to
: whether the following practices are proper church etiquette.

} When there is a potluck church for the purpose of exposing their
{ dianer and the plates used are manners viclations.
to. standard dinner-size, is it proper DEAR MISS MANNERS —
, for someone to go to the kitchen Please help # young bride-to-be.
for a piatter and to return to the My fiance is Italian and I am
food tables and pile food on ti? Yu yoslavian. He says he would
Only one person fs noticed doing like Italian food served at our
. this at every congregational reception.
r fellowship dinner, and he happens Ido not want to make my side
to be a member of the minister’s of the family feel left out by serv-
ing Italian dishes only, nor do I
want a mishmash of international
courses or dishes representing both
sides. In fact, I do not want to
make an ethnic statement at all
with the food. I simply want some-
thing neutral (roast beef, for ex-
ample) that just feeds everyone.
My fiance will not agree to this
compromise and claims his side

LIFESTYLES

- Exposing violations is rude

time investment warranted.

The split was cordial. I simply
became “‘busy’’ when she called,
until she eventually stopped.

I don’t know how to handle
these occasional, awkward dus
sightings. On one hand, I owe her
an explanation of my behavior 10
years ago. On the other, I definite-
ly do not want to resume famil-
larities. We both play a sort of
stiff charade of not knowing the
other is there. Can you suggest a
graceful solution?

GENTLE READER — The
word you are looking for is **Hi.’*

Having successfully engineered a
no-fault parting, you need neither
apologize now, nor treat her as an
enemy.

When she asks you how you are,
reply cheerfully, “Oh, busier than
ever, I’m afraid.”” .

DEAR MISS MANNERS —

SMOKING
IN ONE TREATMENT
O PAINLESS
C1 HYGIENIC

O DIET AND WITHDRAWAL
POINTS INCLUDED

C) SEPARATE DIET
TREATMENT AVAILABLE

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don’t get along, both giving me
advice on how to conduct my af-
fairs. How can I keep friendly with
both, when often I don't like ei-
ther's suggestions? Any advice
would be appreciated.

GENTLE READER ~— Miss
Manners appreciates your show of
faith in her. What would you do if
she gave you advice that you didn’t
like?

Well, you would crumple up the
paper, shrug, and go about your
business. And that is exactly what
one should do with unwanted ad-
vice, except for crumpling the
paper — someone else might want
to read it. The only addition, when
one is given advice by relatives, is
that one should thank them for
their concern. Persistent advisers
may also be told, ‘I really don’:
feel like discussing this at present,

‘manners
Judith: Martin

it ath ante omen tare Feta: eae ae eee

Sek,

. -Js it- permissible for members to
ask to take plates of food home
from church dinners when there is

3 uo ‘announcement. that leftover
oa food is available for that purpose?
ot Is it now considered OK for
4 parents to permit their youngsters
ad to ask members, ‘Can I go home

- with you. today?’’ Some children

: are doing this every Sunday. Is it
not improper to wait to be asked?

When the congregation is re-
quested to stand for prayer, is it
permissible to remain seated? |

“Is it still considered poor. men-
ners to request or hint that you
would like to receive. ‘certain items
asa personal gift? There is a lady
in our congregation who freely
makes requests that members par-
chase’ lingerie, shoes, furniture,
etc. -for.ber. She even suggested

- that the congregation give her and

her husband an anniversary din-
ner. Is this proper etiquette in a

: church environment?

i GENTLE READER ~— Why

t does Miss Manners feel she is get-

f ting church’ gossip. rather than

se te ete e ee tects,

: church-related questions? -

i You know perfectly well that all
L of these things .are etiquette vio-
: lations. So.is keeping a close eye
: on everyone’s behavior at church

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will be offended. My family is will--
ing to go with the Italisn food, but
TI am not. This will only serve to
have the meal slant the wedding to
one culture. What is proper in such
2 situation?

GENTLE READER — In the
New World, we don’t consider
eclectic menus to be ‘‘an interna-
tional mishmash,’’ but. rather the

‘interesting use of different tradi-

tions. This is especially appropriate
when it is likely to flatter and
please the guests, not to mention
the bridegroom.

It has not escaped Miss Man-
ners’ ettention that you are marry-
ing into a family of Italian origin,
as he is into a family of Yugostla-
vian origin. Casting out both
traditions for the sake of fairness
is a bad way to start a marriage.
Hardly better is the notion that
everything must be exactly equal.
If both families felt strongly, you
should try to please both in the
menu. But if your family doesn’t
care, what possible reason is there
not to please his?

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I
am 4 43-year-old man, living in the
area where I grew up. From time

* to time on my comuanter bus, I see
‘aa old acquaintance. Our relation-'
ship lasted on and off from high .

schoe! until about 10 years ago.
Rightly or wrongiy, I terminated

it because, over the years, I had
found her manipulative and self-
- ish. If the phone rang and it was

she, I could count on iwo or three
hours of her whining about past
hardships, or minute explorations
of her manoeuvrings of this or that
romance. I was a sounding board.
If opinion or comment were of-
fered, she became defensive.

I finally saw that she needed
more help than I could give, and
that I was getting less out of the
relationship than my hours-at-a-

Recepily I lost my husband. Ihave but I promise to come to you for
one daughter and one sister who _ help if I feel I need it.”

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