46 - Wednesday, April 18, 1990 - North Shore News Even Dr. Ruth blunders every now and then Q. YOU SURE gave that woman a lot of abuse when she asked how come she has interesting admirers now that she is mature and a widow, and had fean pickings back when she was young and wanting a good man. How can a therapist of any kind do so much to undo a person’s self-esteem? A. It happens all the time that ' a therapist puts a foot in the mouth — and this is not a blunder that counts for much or that can’t be set right. | would say that almost everybody's abili- ty to take something the wrong way is very high, and that in all conversations between people of all levels of understanding, lots of time and words are used up in straightening out things that have been said. I hear nearly every day from a colleague or from someone who is in therapy about how there was a misunderstanding and it had to be put right. Even more often, the therapist said something and ask Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer ee ee gave the client something totally nonexistent to worry about. Patients and clients do go back to their therapists, however — whether psychotherapists or sex therapists or whatever — and not because these professionals never, never say a Ching that can be misinterpreted or have a nega- tive effect. They go back to these profes- sionals because they, the patients and clients, have a strong need for the help they are getting. The faith they put in their therapists is strong and outlasts misunderstandings. Relationships between therapists and clients, friends and friends, lovers and lovers, husbands and wives, all survive mistakes and misunder- standings. Communicating is even better for repairing relation- ships than for making mistakes in them. From page 45 Salvador and what Canadians can - do to help the refugees, whom she said, are still being killed and tor- OF tured by El Salvadorian death squads and police. And while she said she was grateful for the pressure the Cana- dian government put on the gov- ernment of El Salvador to secure her release, Ridd says Ottawa should be doing much more to help the people of the Central American country. “We have to put political pressure on them (EI Salvador government). Our Canadian gov- ernment will speak out against the abuses happening there, but that is no: enough,” said Ridd, who has also called for an end to military aid to El Salvador from the United States. But 1 want to say that nothing J told that woman is anything but complimentary. |! told her that now, in what she called her gold- en age, she was probably more interesting — experience had made her more fun to talk with. That she inspired confidence in men more than when she was young. That now her friendship seemed more valuable and was more of a compliment to the men she gave it to. That she was probably a better housekeeper and cook and hostess than before a lifetime of practice made her so. And that now she had more interesting followers because she was a better judge of men than when she was young. All this is the purest praise, and J doubt that the very smart woman it was addressed to ever took it any other way. I suppose you mean that | did not say she was so sexy and lovely that all she had to do was stand still and wait for some cavalier combining the qualities of Redford, Newman, Donald Trump and Dracula to ride up and lay it all at her feet. But this is probably the reason she is having such a good time at this time of her life — she has thrown that idea out with the garbage. Q. My son is my only child and no doubt has to put up with un- due worrying and attention because of that. My problem is worrying about what is happen- ing when he is out of sight: drugs, sex, riding in cars with teen-age drunks, the usual things. He is so well-behaved and bright I feel stupid talking to him about such things. What do I do? A. Talk to him about them, and never mind how stupid you feel. He knows you are not stupid. If he reacts to some heavy advice and yells, ‘Don’t be stupid, Mom!’’ that doesn’t mean he really thinks you are stupid. In any case, what you have to say to him is more im- portant than if you seem or even are stupid. Don’t forget to mention that it is often nice young guys who make impulsive mistakes. Keep on advising — not all day long, not waiting for him to come home at night, but saying, “Don’t do anything stupid. You know what | mean.” That shows you value him above other things in life, that he is a prize and must be careful of his future. : Ridd speaks of experience With Ridd’s background it is far from surprising that she would be involved in working for peace in Central America. Her father is a United Church minister in Winnipeg and her mother is a social activist. Ridd, who nlayed basketball while studying to get her honors bachelor of arts degree in English from the University of Winnipeg, also worked for the Witness for Peace group in Nicaragua in 1986, Her speaking tour of Canada will end in one month. She then plans to go back to school and eventually write a book about her ordeal. Ridd says she still thinks about the people in E} Salvador and is hoping to visit them again. “Pll go back some day, but it would be foolhardy for me to go back there right now.”’ PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY on the Disney movie Run began this week at the Park Royal Shopping Centre NEWS photo Paul McGrath with this late-night scene involving a helicopter. The movie, which stars Patrick Dempsey and Tracy Pollan, wife of former Burnaby actor Michael §. Fox, is a suspense-thriller, Hundreds work on Disney film ONE HUNDRED technicians and assorted film personnel descended on North Shore Studios last month to work on Disney Studio's new motion picture Run, starring film began last week and wraps up in mid-June. Run producers are cutrently oc- cupying 2 15,000 square foot sound stage for studio shooting. Patrick Dempsey and Tracy Pollan. Pre-production began at the North Vancouver studio in early March. 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