26 - Sunday, Apri! 15, 1990 — North Shore News Wedding day should mot be repeated DEAR MISS MANNERS — My wedding day was a disaster. Perhaps the feeling of disap- pointment will eventually fade, but for now I am continually haunted by the day that F so much wanted to be perfect. Attending the wed- dings of friends and relatives is a constant reminder, although I am happy for them. I know wedding-day tragedy has * struck others, but I have not seen any information on the etiquette of miss manners Judith Martin restating own’s vows after only a few years because of a wedding- day disaster, or because the couple want to recapture the moment. Of course many couples restate their vows after wany years of mar- riage, and I have read that in this case the ceremony should not be a re-enactment of the original one. ~ Is it totally outside tradition to re-enact, to a certain extent, one’s wedding, in hopes of replacing bad meinories with better ones? if not, what is the proper way to do this? If it is outside tradition, why is this the case, and in your opinion what would be an effective way to make it acceptable? Also, what do you think would be the disadvantages? I am considering planning another wedding ceremony for the first year that our anniversary falis on a Saturday, which will be our fifth anniversary. Diabetes discussed DIABETES AND Exercise will be the topic of the North Shore Diabetic Group’s monthly meeting in Seminar Room 1 of the Lion’s Gate Hospital on Wednesday April 18 at 7:30 p.m. Guest speaker Rick Lavallee, 31, who has been a diabetic since the age of 16, will tell members and other interested persons about “Being Prepared for Exercise.’’ This will especially interest younger, type 1 (insulin-depen- dent) diabetics, although the im- portance of exercise, in whatever form, for older diabetics will also be discussed. Lavailee is active in triathlons and cycling and has experience as a professional ski instructor. He holds a degree in marketing and sits on the board of the Interna- tional Diabetic Athletes Associa- tion. For more information, call Heather Holt at 980-6581. GENTLE READER — You have not told Miss Manners why your wedding was a disaster, and “she hopes it was not because it was marred by a genuine tragedy — someone’s illness or an accident, for example. Short of that, the most common cause of wedding flops is an idea that you still harbor — that you can take a complicated day, with an emotional ceremony followed by a party attended by a wide variety of people, and mandate that it be ‘‘perfect."” So much — the weather, the guests’ behavior, even your own emotional state — is out of your control, that such a goal only adds destructive tension to the situation. The idea is unfortunately im- plicit in your hope of repeating the event until you get it ‘‘right,’’ whatever that is. A wedding is a civic and usually religious event, which is unique, not a show that can run as long as you can find an audience for it. And that brings Miss Manners to your chief practical problem, and the reason tha? it is unwise to restage a wedding. It is going to annoy most people ycu invite. In a time when many people are crabby enough to assume that even a once-in-a-lifetime wedding is a bid to show off and collect pres- ents, and lots of peopie are sorely put upon to attend multiple wed- dings for the same individual as a result of divorce, you are not going to encounter much enthusiasm. Having said all that, Miss Man- ners, who is a soft touch, will now try to help you. Here are two possibilities: 1. Hold a private ceremony, in- viting only your very closest rela- tives and friends, after sounding them out about your feelings and finding that they sympathize. 2. Hold a gala fifth-anniversary party for yourselves, and, after having put your guests into a jovial mood through your hospitality, lightheartedly announce that you would like them to witness a renewal of your wedding vows. As such an event does not pretend to be a solemn one, and as they will not have been warned in advance (and thus will have skipped the problem of whether you expect them to repeat their full roles as wedding guests), they will be more likely to be charmed by it. Authorized Dealer Ortho-Kinetics Products LIFESTYLES Heip’s at hand HELP’S AT Hand, a weekly feature by the North Shore Infor- mation and Volunteer Centre, an- swers questions about and discusses such topics as govern- ment policies and programs, benefits, consumer and _ legal rights, taxation and public ser- vices. se * The staff of the North Shore In- ASY MOBILITY QUALITY PRODUCTS FOR MORE COMFORTABLE LIVING SPRINGTIME IS THE SEASON TO BE INDEPENDENT! 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