8 - Wednesday, February 6, 1985 - North Shure News

If only all teachers

adn’t intended to write any more about

school boards, but there’s all that fuss out

about the teacher who displayed her
delightful bod in Gallery Magazine.

From al! accounts there is
no more delectable teacher
than Ilze Shewan of Clear-
‘brook Junior High.

Such breast-boasting
‘beauties just weren't around
in my day. We had to put up
with the likes of the fear-
some, military-mustachioed,
former sergeant-major
known as Old Daddy Par-
_sons. And, at a more junior
“level, Miss Thomas.

“Old Daddy
Parsons was skilled
in the use of the
cane and Miss —
‘Thomas was also a
. weapons expert.”?

We will forget Mr. Par-
sons, except to say that an
irate parent,.a nayvy by pro-
fession, once marched into
the classroom and flattened
him. And we didn’t even
laugh, because we knew Mr.
‘Parsons ‘wasn’t going to
spend the rest of his life on
the floor.

Miss Thomas (I forgot: the
dear lady’s first name, and

straight

"y
| Doug Collins

the likelihood is that she
didn’t have one, her parents
probably having been reluc-

tant to display her in public:

for christening), was a female
Old Daddy Parsons. Com-
plete with mustache, except
that it wasn’t a spiked one.
Sex was a mystery to the
boys in Miss Thomas's class;
they: being nine years of age
and aware only of vague
jongings. But the question of
whether she was really Old
Daddy Parsons’ brother: in
disguise was <tiscussed. It was
decided that she wasn’t, on
account of the bulges under

her blouse. Not that those
buiges excited anyone, for,
unlike wonderful Miss
Shewan, who would be a
credit to any school, Miss
Thomas had breasts like
beagles’ ears.

Old Daddy Parsons was
skilled in the use of the cane,
and Miss Thomas was also a
weapons expert. In her case,
it was a music pointer with a
sharp point.

When displeased, she
would creep up behind a

delinquent, aim the point ex-

actly’ one inch. inside a
shoulder blade and jab hard,
just as if she were in a First
World War. bayonet attack,
which she probably had been.
And since she was also an ex-
pert at the stealthy approach,
the manouevre was always
successful.

Those who, like me, an-
noyed Miss Thomas regular-
ly, looked like sieves. Which
would account for my later
fame as the Beast of B.C.
(Ask any shrink.) But it was

-all good preparation for the

life military. It was a real
pleasure to stick bayonets in-
to asack, instead of being the
sack.

But I digress.

The kids at Clearbrook
Junior High walked out in
support of Miss Shewan. 1
would have done the same.
Schools being decadent these
days, she would never be
replaced by a Miss Thomas
complete with pointer. But
she might be replaced by so-
meone sporting a mustache
and beagles’ ears.

One can guess why Ab-
botsford School Board
suspended the glorious
Shewan. They were all

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furious, the men because they
hadn’t been asked to take the
picture, and the women
because no one will ever ask
them to pose.

* & &

Recently, I looked at the
atrocities being committed
against the English language
at Cap College, and the pre-
judice against using ‘‘man’’
in words like ‘‘mankind’’.

The column was read by a
Vancouver lawyer, Mr. John
Lakes, who sent me the
following:

“In 1944 1 landed in
Norpersondy to combat
Gerperson troops for the
sake of hupersonity. General
Eisenhower had assumed the

persontle of leadership with .

the persondate to restore

freedom for all personkind.

The days of* training per-
sonocuvres were over!

“Of course, this was long
before President Harry
Trueperson referred to a
music critic as an offspring cf
acanine, or the gibberish you
allege is now the rule at
Capilano College took place.
It was a time, believed it or
not, when men were expected
to act like men, even. by
women.”

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