— 46 - Wednesday, May 1, 1985 - Nocth Shore News High time to mend family rift : DEAR MISS MANNERS — Several years ago, my step- daughter and her boyfriend (whom she met in college, where they were dorm- mates) began to share an apartment. Although her roommate's parents five in the distant suburbs of this same city, we made no effort to meet them, not wanting to encourage or in any way put our stamp of approval on this relationship. Although we had nothing against this particular young man, who is nice enough, we felt that they had little in common and in time would drift apart. : The young couple have now moved to another, dis- tant city, married, and had a baby. We have yet to meet his parents, and feel we are being rude. Whose responsi- bility is it to establish a sela- tionship between his parents and us, or is it too Jate? GENTLE READER — It must have occurred to you, as it has to Miss Manners. that your lack of en- couragement does not seem to have had any effect on this relationship, and that your choice now is to put that stamp of approva] on the relationship or miss out on the opportunity to enjoy your stepdaughter’s family life. Is not exactly too late, but it is high time. You were not obligated to have social ties with the parents of a mere boyfriend, but you are with a son-in-law’s. Technically, it is up to the young man’s parents to call on the young lady's first. They may not have known this, but let us take advan- tage of it anyway. Write them a charming note, saying that your meeting is long overdue, and Proposing a visit. And then write an equally charming one to your stepJaughter, announcing this and saying that you have previously Ee miss manners pf . by Judith Martin hesitated because you couldn't tell, from the other parents’ silence, whether this would be welcome. We will not go so far as to blame them for not having called, but just fa> enowzh to erase the idea that your omission was due to any such nonsense as the hope that such a fovely young couple would drift apart. In the interests of family har- mony, Miss Manners is will- ing to have etiquette itself take the blame. DEAR MISS MANNERS — When is it appropriate to open a wedding gift? Ob- viously the reception makes opening gifts impossible, because the bride and groom cannot take time away from their other guests. When I delivered a wed- ding gift to the bride's home, # thought she would open it in my presence, bul she did not. This was especially disappointing as I had called ‘0 make = ar- rangements for the visit ahead of time. Perhaps some encouragement on my part would have alleviated the awkwardness of our visit. I’m being married soon myself, and I do so want to do the proper thing. GENTLE READER — You seem to be doing the proper thing, so let us work on everyone else. For the reason you men- tion — and the additionai one Miss Manners often hears about, of presents get- ting lost or stolen in the con- fusion — it is improper to take a wedding present to a wedding. Ordinarily, they are delivered, for the bridal couple to open in private. But for a prearranged per- sonal delivery, when there is no other guest present who may be embarressed at not having brought anything, the me SN NA fe SNS OLY eS STE SES EID GN GOA GE Ret ve eDeAE SENTD CLA) GRE CONE RES GOES GENLED GSES GEE SEE SREE GREE SES GEE ESN SEN leg press and chest press. AVITA 950 Rower/Circuit Trainer “Your complete home Gym” THE AVITA 950 Rower-Circuit Trainer is the proven leader in a complete but compact exerciser. Start with 5 to 20 minutes of gam aerobic rowing then follow with situps, back pulls, arm curls, Look and fee! great with fitness products from the Leader in: Price, Selection and Service. Save on everything in fitness equipment — jz shape-up shop 1059 Marine Drive, North Varicouver {west of the Avalon Hotel) PHONE 980-8381 bride should open the pres- ent and exclaim) over it (although this doesn't get her out of writing a letter of thanks). Do so yourself, and encourage others by saying, “Oh do open it now — I am dying to know if you like it.” DEAR MISS MANNERS — 1 am a high-school) student and will be attending our dsanor-senior prom. F will, of course, be wearing a formal gown, I would also like to wear gloves for the occasion, but I am uncertain as to when it is proper to remove the gloves. For instance, should they be removed while dining? 1 will be wearing a waltz- length dress that leaves my shoulders bare, except for small straps. Could you please advise me as to the correct glove length? GENTLE READER — Miss Manners is delighted to see you make such a pleasant start to the custom dressing up. White kid gloves, to just below the elbow, are right for your dress. 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