40 ~ Wednesday, April 1, 1992 - North Shore News Discreet rule ruining long-distance romance Dr. Ruth Westheimer Q. MY LADY companion and I have been friends for years. We have become closer recently and we now have sex. We ase both in our 6s and continue to have our own lives. We each have our own house in separate cities. Ki is a 45-minute drive from one house to another. Since we have begun this sexual relationship, I have requested many times to slay over 2t her house or have her stay over af mine after sex because of the distance between our homes. She tefuses to do this, because she doesn’t want people to knew she ts having sex. She thinks if she spends the night away from home people will know. If I spend the night with her, people in her neighborhood will know. What can I du? A. Perhaps your lady compa- nion has a relative or a daughter who calls her all the time in the morning to make sure she is all tight. She may not want her relatives to question where she is in the mornings. If that is the case, you may have to abide by her wishes. Do not ruin a good relationship over this. But make sure you take precautions so you are safe driv- ing home. You must not engage in sex late at night. Drink a cup of coffee before you get into the car to be sure you are fully awake. Q. When 1 started seeing my current boyfriend six months ago, 1 wanted to wait to have sex. My boyfriend agreed without arguing and now I know why. When we were ready to make love for the first time, he said he was afraid he would disappoint me. Well, he was right. I was disappointed. Though we have made love sev- eral times since then, if has not gotten better. He just is not very good at making tove because he doesn’t last very long. [ bike him a lot, but I'm thinking of breaking up with him because of the sex. I'm no fonger happy with him sud 1 don’t want to see him anymore. But before 1 break up with him, I'd tike to know if there is any- thing that can be done about this problem. Society seeks seniors input on future North Shore needs ; THE LIONSVIEW Seniors’ Planning Society (LSPS) will be conducting a survey of ‘seniors and soon-to-be- seniors on their needs and future needs for transporta- tion, housing and other ser- vices on the North Shore. The survey of people 55 and older is to take place in local meetings during the last two weeks of April. “We're looking to influence developers and identify trends,” said Sheila Gilmour, chairperson of the Housing Committee. “We're not just looking for sub- sidized housing.” The LSPS will hold 12 meetings, all in North Vancouver City locations. The following is a list of the meetings: © April 13 - St. Agnes Anglican Church, 530 E. 12th St., 2-4 p.m. © April 14 - North Shore Neighbourhood House, 225 E. 2nd St., 2-4 p.m. - * April 15 - St. John’s Anglican Church, 220 W. 8th St., 10 a.m.-12 p.m. e April 21 - Royal Canadian Legion (#118), 123 W. 15th St., 16 a.m.-12 p.m. ® April 22 - St. John’s Anglican Church, 2-4 p.m. © April 24 - Silver Harbour Centre, 144 E, 22nd St., 1:30-3:30 : .m, P © April 24 - St. Agnes Anglican Church, 7-9 p.m. ® April 25 - Royal Canadian Legion (#118), 3-5 p.m. © April 28 - Royal Canadian ‘Legion (#118), 2-4 p.m. © April 29 - North Shore Neighbourhood House, 2-4 p.m. © April 30 - The Salvition Ar- my Church, 105 W. 12th St., 10 a.m.-12 p.m. © May 8 - Silver Harbour Centre, 1:30-3:30 p.m. “We chose the City of North Vancouver because it is a com- prehensive, high density repre- sentation of the North Shore,” Gilmour said. Gilmour said each meeting will have tea and cookies available to pariicipants. The LSPS hopes to have 300 people fill out the anonymous questionaire to ensure accurate results. People who cannot attend one of the meetings due to physical limitations can call the LSPS and they will deliver a copy of the survey. For more information contact the LSPS at 985-3852. Homeowners make clean sweep “CLEAN SWEEP”’ is the name of the British Proper- ties and Area Homeowners Association (BPAHA) operation to rid their neighborhood of litter. “Our target date is April 25,” according to BPAHA Director Joe Scarfo. The intention of the project is to recruit 200 to 300 volunteers, including residents, to do a three- or four-hour clean-up of road- sides, ravines, ditches, schools, parks and other public areas. The collected litter will be transported to central points where recyclable items will be separated. All the garbage will then be picked up. So far, the BPAHA has had en- thusiastic responses from the local soccer league, the scouts and schools. ‘“*We need volunteers to help supervise and work with our youth volunteers, as well as people willing to provide transportation for volunteers and to transport bagged garbage to our control pick-up points,’’ Scarfo said. Scarfo wants to make the pro- ject highly visible by providing the volunteers with green T-shirts. Scarfo said the association is busy seeking donations of things like gloves, gardage bags, coffee, doughnuts, hotdogs and pizza for the volunteers. To volunteer your services con- tact Rod Bartlett at 925-3698 or Reno Stradiotto at 926-3767. ASK DR. RUTH A. Of course there is something that can be done! He should buy ‘“*Male Sexuality’? by Bernie Zilbergeld or ‘*Dr. Ruth’s Guide to Erotic & Sensuous Pleasures" by Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer and Dr, Louis Lieberman and read the chapters on premature ¢j There are specific exercises your boyfriend can do. If you really do want this rela- tionship to work, you must not throw it away for a problem which can be helped. Perhaps your boyfriend has a self-fulfilling prophecy. He says to himself ‘i am = going to ejaculate fast’’ and he does. If the exercises do not work, he must go to a sex therapist. Q. A sear ago, my husband and I were on top of the world. We both had geod jobs and our reia- tlonship was going well. At that time, the only problem was not getting to spend enough time together. Well, that’s all different now. We both recently lost our jobs due to the economy and are now both looking for work. Though we are both getting uncmployment com- pensation ard stilt have some sav- I¢’s a SPRING. .& GRAD FASHIONS. ings left, there is u financial strain on us. We're both under a lot of stress from looking for jobs. And we're at the point where we can't stand each other. At first, «when we were unem- ploved we hed sex a lot because we had extsa time to spend together. Now our sex life is suf- fering because we irritate each other so much that we can't get _ over the irritation \o have sex. Cm afraid if we keep on tke this our marriage will be over. Neither one of us wiil Inltlate sex. What do you think we should do? A, Your situation is not unusual in this economy. Don’t force the sex. The old saying ‘*Use it or lose it’ is not true! Put sex on the back burner and find a job first. If that doesn't work, your relationship may have been doomed to start with. In which case your relationship would have suffered even if this situation hadn't occurred. Fashions from Zig Zag - Lonsdale Quay Market Don’t miss it! ... Fashion frenzy! ... Sunday, April 5th THE VOICE OF NORTH AND WET VANCOUVER orth shore SUNDAY » WEDNESDAY » PRIOAY