THESE BEING the dog days (apart from the Vander Zalm wild goose chase and other mini-shows), a little entertain- ment is in order. So here are some items of farce, of which there is never any lack: On the federal front, John Turner has given up pinching women’s bums and is endeavoring to be serious. He therefore tells his Senate cronies to delay the free trade legislation, and all but one of those hacks, pensioned-off clowns and has-beens mumble their as- sent. They have a lot of experience, having held up the refugee legista- tion for nearly a year. A pox on the lot of them. If they’re not careful, they’re going to make Lyin’ Brian look good. With murder, mayhem and malfeasance occupying ever more room, is approximately eight feet by 12. Floors are covered with durable carpets and there is a bed, sink, toilet, cupboard and writing desk. Each room has an intercom, a sprinkler, fire alarms and its own individual air exchange system. All cells have an exterior window overlooking the garden and play- ing field areas.” Sounds like a good place to go for the summer holidays. It would be nice and quiet, and you can bet there’s a button you can push when you want the hired help. How do we book a room? The correspondent who sent me this stuff pointed out that when she was at Whistler recently, she didn’t have a window overlooking There are, of course, no prisons in this Age of Enlightenment, so the Kamloops palace is called a Regional Correctional Centre. Nor are there any cells. They are now ‘inmate rooms’, note.”’ you will space in the news, you will be pleased to learn that accommoda- tion for criminals is constantly be- ing improved. The trade magazine Construc- tion Sightlines waxes happy about this. In its June issue it described the wonders of the new clink in Kamloops. We were assured that this hostel incorporates all the latest ideas, viz: ‘Individual living units, cach with its own showers, eating areas, TV rooms and. outdoor recreation courtyard, have replaced the for- bidding cellblocks of old. “The typical cell, or inmate CANYON HEIGHTS CHAPEL is pleased to present Rod Woodward Sunday, July 31, 1988 at 10:30 am You are welcome to listen to Rod Woodward sharing about the transtormation God made in his fife. Rod played professional footbat! in the CFL for 12 years for the Montreal Allouettes and the Ottawa Roughriders. Born in Vancouver, he attended University of tdaho on a footbat! scholarship. As part of his many accomplishments he has coached the Simon Fraser Universi- ty football team. This is a unique opportunity to meet with him. CANYON HEIGHTS CHAPEL 4840 Capilano Road North Vancouver, B.C, 985-7131 (Between Suspension Bridge & Grouse Mountain} PARNOPACHON any gardens or courtyard. There are, of course, no prisons in this Age of Enlightenment, so the Kamloops palace is called a Regional! Correctional Centre. Nor are there any cells. They are now “Gnmate roonis,” you will note. For that matter, there aren’t even any prisoners, they having become “Snmates.’’ Pretty soon, they will be called ‘‘clients.’’ Sightlines says that this new place is ‘‘a perfect example of form following function.” I would describe it as a fine fit of fat-headedness. ee * The biggest laugh of all comes from foreign parts. Neil Kinnock, the loony leader of the British Labor Party, has just been on an official visit to Zimbabwe. The purpose of his trip was to extol the ways of Marxist Boss Robert Mugabe and denounce the foul South Africans. Unfortunately, the official welcoming party went (o the wrong airport, and when Kinnock and his even loonier wife arrived, they were locked up in a little room while armed guards ran up and down outside insulting tiem. Neil become madder and mad- der, but it was over an hour before Mugabe’s men discovered where the Kinnocks were. Then, when the official reception took place, Nei! and his darling wife drank South African wine, they not knowing what it was and there being nothing else, anyway. Prohibitions on South African goods are for dopes like us, you see, not for Zimbabwe, which couldn’t fast two months without trading with South Africa. This story made my day, for Mrs. Kinnock is so anti-South African that when she was mar- ried, 25 years ago, she refused to have a gold wedding ring in case some of the gold came from the Rand. What a pity this didn’t happen to Brian when he was there! The quote of the week comes from Helen Caldicott, the Aussie anti-nuclear campaigner who has a PhD but is bereft of brains, The Canadian Medical Association Journal quotes her as having told an audience in Ottawa: ‘J see Mikhail Gorbachev. as a second Jesus Christ.’’ What do you think of that one, Crocodile Dundee? @ 9 - Friday, duly 29, O88 - North Shore News [ WREFORM wo NOMINATION | PARTY for Cet on COMING FEDERAL ELECTION North Vancouver Constituency Monday, August 8, 1988, 7:30 p.m. - Salon D Coach House Inn 700 Old Lillooet, North Vancouver PUBLIC WELCOME — YOUR MOMENT OF DECISION (see Legals for details) For further information: 988- B-0456/929- 2167/985- 4566 |. HIS BUS? His bus broke: down, the next two Based him WHERE’