SO ~ Wednesday, May 20, 1992 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

Should roommates know the truth?

DEAR MISS MANNERS — After realizing that there is
no right time to tell one’s parents that one is gay, § finally
did it, and somehow we've all managed to survive. They
don’t fully understaad, but we’

1 have aiso informed relatives
and close friends about my sexual
orientation, because I didn’t want
them to hear about it from a third
party. As a result of all this shar-
ing, I’ve found most people to be
supportive, and many of my rela-
tionships have grown even closer.

What this is all leading to is
that I've recently moved into an
apartment with several other pec-
ple whom I’ve knowa for a couple
of years, but not really well.
Should I sit each person down, as
1 dia with family and close
friends, or leave a gay mewspsper
on tke coffee table and see what
happens? Am I setting things up
for an explosive situation, or am I
overreacting?

It they do ask, & plan to s-y
yes, I'm gay, and ask if they want
to talk about it. If they're not
theitied with this, IT pian to tell
them that I don’t have time to
deal with their sexual insecurities,
and walk eway.

The worst thing that could
happen is they would ask me to
move, and honestly, that wouldn't
be the end of the world. 1 just
want to live in a_ situation in
which I can be fully open about
my sexuality, as much as I am
about my enjoyment of watching
“Northern Exposure’’ every
Monday night.

GENTLE READER — No, you
don’t want to live in a situation
where your sexuality is as exposed
as a television show. Believe Miss
Manners — nobody does.

To allow people to find out that
you are gay, even to make sure
they find out by the newspaper
ploy you suggest, is one thing.
Roommates generajly know what
one another’s social lives are like,
and you don’t want to have to
hide yours.

But to invite people to talk it

re at least communicating.

Judith
Martin

MISS MANNERS

over is to invite them to offer
opinions on a matter which is
none of their concern. Their ap-
proval would be as patronizing
and their disapproval would te
distressing.

DEAR MISS MANNEKS — I
was served an individual Jeh-O
sulad at a luncheon, with a salad
fork. It was hard to pick up. I
thought Jell-O salad should be
served with a spoon. “ho is right,
the hustess or 1?

GENTLE READrk — Your
question took Mis: “:anners by
surprise, as she thought the Jell-O
salad had deen abolished long
ago, by international decree.
Jell-O belongs in a dessert, which
may be properly eaten with a
spoon, although a salad cannot
be.

But if this dish is still popping
up — which is what Jell-O does,
if you don’t watch out — Miss
Manners is afraid it must be serv-
ed with a fork. Provided the
Jell-O has jetled, you ought to be
able to get it onto your fork, no

Learning the Ga

STARTING #

¢ way

matter how much it quivers at this
affront, and up to your mouth.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I
am a leader in an orgs.aization
that puts on weekly programs for
teens. The other leaders are my
closest and dearest friends, not to
mention my confidants. We all go
to the same church.

Every week we put on a pro-
gram of skits and songs, and we
gather weekly to plan this. One
week, it appeared that we would
have no pre-program meeting, so
at the end of the work week, I in-
vited them all to my apartment
after church.

I planned a simpte lunch of
foods that we could eat while
working — spicy wings, stuffed
clams, raw vegetables (knowing
one friend was on a diet), and
chips and dip.

The first person who arrived,
my minister and close friend,
looked at the spread and com-
mented that he hoped there was
more than ‘‘health food.’’ He ad-
ded that he could not eat spicy
food and wouldn’t try the clams.

He then informed me that when
he invites purisnhioners and elders
over, he asks them what they
would like, and that this is the
proper way to do it.

Although he softened the blow
by adding that he wouldn't say
this if we weren't close friends, I
was embarrassed and apologized.
However, I don’t feel I was wrong
for not inquiring what each guest

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wanted. I have known these peo-
ple for three years and 7 felt I
knew their diets.

Was I wreng, and dues famii-
iarity breed bad manaers and
tacilessness?

GENTLE READER
Everything seems to breed bad
manners and tactlessness these
days, it seems to Miss Manners.
But they grow particularly fast in
food.

Although it is thoughtful to
find out about the tastes and
needs of close friends whom one
entertains frequently, one is not
obliged to take individual orders
in one’s house, as if it were a res-
taurant. Expecting this is only
slightly less rude than denouncing
the hospitality of one’s host.

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