34 - Wednesday, March 28, 1990 - North Shore News books Fl Hockey novel makes for slapstick reading ‘=, He won the 1987 Stephen Leacock Memorial Pp aul Quarrington is on a roll. Medal for Humor, bashed out Whale Music in 1989 ‘a Satirical romp that poked merciless fun at rock star ex- cesses and earned him a crack at the Governor-General’s Award) and has just released what may be his best book ever, the hackey-inspired spoof, Logan in Overtime. Now let’s back up a bit and fur- nish a bit of perspective on that last line because the fact that! even read a book with hockey in it is a feat that rates right up there with parting seas, building pyramids or listening to rap music. Maybe being born in Wales has something to do with it. Brits, even ex-Brits, are disposed to indulge in more refined sports such as rugby and soccer and become positively nostalgic imagining the pungent aroma of tear-gas wafting over hat- tling bobbies and mixed cohorts of nihilistic skinheads and neo-Nazis. Oh, | know there are dedicated fans out there who will proudly claim that hockey is at least as vio- lent as anything the fading, former Empire can dream up. They'll cite teeth lost, cheek-bones fractured, vertebrae crushed, noses flattened and athletic supporters strained (from the outside) by Canadian puckstars skilled in the finer ap- plications of their sport, but I re- main convinced that hockey is, well, boring. (1 will, however, defend to the death your right to spit, swear, swill beer and ignore your family during broadcasts of Hockey Night in Canada.) So I was as surprised as anyone to find that Logan tn Overtime is the funniest piece of homegrown 12660 BRIDGEPORT ROAD (NEXT TO IKEA) 273-9674 humor since Timothy Findley’s Not Wanted On The Voyage hove into view. It's adult (that means there are lots of naughty bits comingling with other naughty bits) and socially indefensible (that means the characters have disgusting personal habits involving a /otat liquid substance abuse; they also MIKE vo STEELE g%\. . book review cuss}, but those are just some of the good points in this story of a washed-up former NHL player stuck on a bush-league industrial team in Ontaric’s hinterland. Quarrington doesn’t mess around; take these (sanitized) opening lines that preface Logan In Overtime and which are, we assume, spoken by members of a heavenly pantheon Up There Somewhere. “Let’s pretend,” a voice sug- gested, ‘‘that we're in one of those Frank Capra movies.” tE ON THE NORTH S nited Carpet has just made it easier for you to get great carpet prices and selection. ..the kind you’d usually have to drive to Richmond to get. Our brand new store on the north shore is now open. ..complete with the largest selection of And the blue carpet, the green carpet, the yellow carpet and a whole Ealeidoscope oi colours, too. “How do we do that?’ “You know. Here we are, up in the heavens, looking down.” “Right. And all you see on the screen is a bunch of nebulae and assorted twinklies.”’ “Exactly.” “With violins,’” another voice suggested. “Okay. Here we go. Look down. Look away down. Look at the town of Falconbridge, Ontario, population thirteen thousand.” “Thirteen thousand and one if we count him.” “There his is. Staring right back at us, coincidentally.”” “Is it he with whom we're go- ing to f--- around?” “Well,” came a voice, con- sidering, “he’s doing a pretty crackerjack job of f-----g around with himself. We're going to help him.” “What's he got? Marital prob- ‘ems? Financial difficulties? Mental anguishes? Emotional instability? Physical abnormalities and/or diseases?” “He's got all sorts of general problems. We're here for some- thing specific.’ “Like what, for instance?” “You guys ever hear of a game called hockey?2’’ The unsuspecting object of this unsolicited attention is a fading jock by the name of Logan (yes, he has a first name but if the author chose to conceal it until roughly 200 pages had gone by then so will 1. But if you‘re really intent on knowing what it is, turn to page 201 of this newspaper). Describing Logan as an over- the-hill, former professional goalie HGP AT HOME SERVICE. JUST CALL AND WE'LL GLADLY BRING SAMPLES TO YOUR HOME. we all once lived on the African savannah; the event is so far removed from the present day as to have virtually no signiticance. See Hockey o o is about as retevant as saying that \ 9) \ » 9 Noillsh Paced WITH MINIMUM NOW AS LOW AS 4 PLUS P.D.). & FREIGHT — $595 LEASING Notths OTE | AEE FINANCING eras 38 si, 987-445 ital be OUT THE RED Cl quality carpets you ‘ll find anywhere! And at prices that will floor you with savings! ‘ oe! Save the drive and save money at United... drop in soon and meet our very experienced staff. PLETE WITH RICH @ DECORATION CONSULTATION BY OUR HIGHLY TRAINED REPRESENTATIVES.