QUESTION: As discreetly
as I can, I want to ask you a

question about the quality of ©

my love-making with my

_ husband. It is this: although J

enjoy him, I am left with an

empty feeling because I

know I have mot had the sort
of satisfaction that many
women.enjoy and so my

ANELLUEUASTERNEEEANEOEFENTEEUE UAL LTEEE

Freelance Counsellor Hayden
Stewart may be reached at
261-6242 for appointments for

international Hotel [open
Tuesdays only] is. for the
convenience of North Shore
residents. _

TU

é

QUESTION: [I’m having a
rough time with my husband
and our 5-year-old son. I
should say, my ex-husband
because we were divorced
two years ago. Everything is
pretty good, but the problem
lies around our weekend

arrangements in regard to_

our con. PH call my huchand
Bob and my son, Grant. Bob
and I have worked it out so
that he has Grant every
second weekend and I have
him the other times. Grant
ordinarily lives with me. We
have no other children. Bob
is great with Grant and both of
them seem to look forward to
their weekends together.

However, Bob doesn’t
seem able to understand that
I want to PLAN AHEAD, and

be

QUESTION: Sometimes I
wonder if I'm kidding my-
self. At the ripe old age of 37,
J occasionally do things that a
few years ago I would have
considered ‘‘wrong.”? I do
these things [none of them
terrible} without any feelings
of guiltiness. I feel like I have
grown up and that I’m
different mow and that the
whole world is changing and
that some of these things
that I thought I ‘‘sheuldn’t’”’
do, are now, perfectly ail
right for me. That’s how I
USUALLY feel.

Then, once In a while |
begin to wonder If P'm just
letting down on moral
values, if P'm just letting
myself get sucked In to what
“everybody” Is doing, or If I

_anger,

fe
ng | Own On
‘ : :

question is, can I “learn”
how to be more fulfilled? .
an

STEWART: It would be.

foolish of me to answer with

a simple ‘‘Yes,’’ but I feel.

free to tell you that during
many years of counselling, I
have been able to help in a
rather large majority of the

QUESTION: I’m a little
worried about am anger that .
has been getting worse and

worse. it seems so trivial
when I start describing it,
but here it is. I almost go into

a rage about TV commer-

cials. They make me so angry
I could spit. What's hap-
pening in me and how can I
deal with it?

STEWART: Being angry
about some of the TV
commercials may suggest
that you are a _ normal,
healthy, mature human be-
ing! How you handle that
however, may
unhealthy and immature and
I suspect that is what worries
you. One way to use up some

' of the energy that makes you

anxious about yourself is to

‘decide NOT to buy any

product being pushed by a

commercial that bugs you,

so, at the last minute he
quite often ‘phones to say
. that he can’t pick up Grant
because of -some business

responsibility, or because he
is going out of town or
something. Different times I
have had arrangements
made for MY weekend and
then I have to shift gears and
fit in with Bob’s last minute
changed plans. It makes it
very hard. I have never failed

-to be available to Gant on the

weekends agreed upon, but
three times now Bob has
pulled a switch on me. What
cain I do?

STEWART: The first thing

_to do is be grateful that Bob

has switched on you only
three times in two years!

am just talking myself Into

‘doing some things I don’t

really think are “‘right’’ for
me. Know what I mean? At
times I feel honest and

‘liberated and without silly

hypocrisies. But at other
times I feel like Pve -fust
walked away from some
pretty important standards of

_ living. How do I work It out?

STEWART: You already
ARE working it out or you
would not bother writing this
letter. I know’ exactly what
you are talking about, and 1
have a harmless example of
it out of my own experience. I
could fill this whole column
with a list of things 1
SHOULD’T do on Sundays in
my growing-up years. My
father made the list and saw

Sonia Pa deg

husband. —

. and don’t be nasty.

be

_(!) be angry at? Or are you
angry at. yourself because

.
hay et
| © :

. ea

times I have been consulted
regarding the question you
raise. So my answer is that
you probably could be helped
to ‘learn how to be more
fulfilled.’’ In other words,
don’t close the door on the
possibility of your enjoying a
better relationship with your

AND to let the station know

about your decision and that

you are also notifying -the
company that sells the
product. Make your letters
brief and right to the point.
Don’t go into a harangue,

So much for that. It seems

to me. that you might have
still another anger which you
want to keep secret. Are you
using the TV ads as whipping
boys? Any chance of that?
Like the fellow who has a bad
day at the office and comes
home and kicks the cat! Give
yourself a break now, is it
really TV that has you so
angry? Or are. you angry at
some one you “‘shouidn’t’’

you feel you are failing at

something important to you? _

Think into‘it! |

That’s pretty good, don’t you
think? Perhaps the very best

. thing you can do is let him

know that you have been
keeping ‘score and that he
has been very very easy to
work with in this always
difficult situation. Tell him
you appreciate his being so
steady and that you hone he
will continue to do his best.
You might say to him that if
ever again he needs to alter
the plans, you would apprec-
iate his letting you know as
far in advance as possible,
Don’t brag to him about your
never letting him down, but
rather, let him know that if
you ever have to change
plans, you will do your best

to be as little trouble to‘him *

as possible. You’re lucky you
know!

‘

to it that we all went by it.
There was not one single
question in my mind about
the list being valid, nor about
my dad being the right one to
establish it. It was only very
gradually that I made altera-
tions to the list, and most of

them were made privately.

and not demonstrated to the
public, especially my dad.
Now I don’t have the list. I’ve
come to feel that the other
days are very important too
and that if [had a list at all, it
would apply to ALL the days,
not just Sunday. (I remember
a cross country car trip our
family made during which a
Sunday came along. My
father and I had been

values?

wert osyele ye. VEAL Oe cack. Si sas

pege 15 - June 22, 1977 - North Shore News
NORTHRIDG RTHRI

sat

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