4 - Wednesday, July 17, 1985 - North Shore News

Guide to owning men

ONE OF THE funniest books I have read in
years, maybe in my entire life, is Men: An
Owner’s Manual, by Stephanie Brush, a young
jady from Greenwich Village whom I met a year
or So ago.

For women, it must be a
scream. For men — well, me,
at least — it’s in the nature of
a revelation, as well as hun-
dreds and hundreds of good
solid belly laughs that make
you cry and keep you chuckl-
ing for hours and days
afterward.

The sub-titles give you a
hint of the flavor. This is a
comprehensive guide for hav-
ing a man underfoot. It tells
you what they’re goed for,
how they think, where you can
take them, what to call them,
how to spot afemon. ”

She examines why men are
always fixing things that aren’t
broken, and ruining them. She
goes into the care and feeding
of men, how to deal with their
old girlfriends and mothers

A STATEMENT
released by.the
Squamish Indian Band

. Monday claims a recent

decision by a provinical
court judge has
underminded the

“band’s fishing bylaw
; and left it. without a
* regulatory. scheme to

control salmon runs in
those rivers on its res-
ervations. .

In. West, Vancouver pro-
vincial. court July 9, Judge

".Reg Grandison found. band

members ; Mike Lewis and

. Floyd Joseph guilty of illegal

fishing and illegal possession

- ‘of Salmon stemming from an.
_incident September. 10, 1984,

. The. two. were arrested in

. tidal waters of the, Capilano

River and each charged with
‘seven -counts .under section

61.1 of the federal Fisheries

Act. after being. found in
possession of 82 salmon.

In finding Lewis and
Joseph guilty, Judge Gran-
dison disagreed with defence
council Harry Slade’s ‘argu-
ment that band bylaw 10
Section 6, which allows

natives to catch as many fish
.as they want using - any

means they want, excluding

‘explosives, over-rode “the

federal Fisheries Act. - |.

- Sudge Grandison pointed
out that though Section 81.0
of the federa! indian Act
authorized . bands - pass

"', bylaws for the cqnservelion
. of fish and: wildlité within

reservations, the unresiricted

‘ fishing of salmon did not

accord with a rational. sup-
port of that conservation. .

According to the band’s
release,. Judge Grandison’s
determination that the
Squamish band had no
power to include Section 6 in
its band fishing bylaw has,
in effect, rendered that sec-
tion useless.

Squamish band - Chief
Phillip Joe says that con-

‘ment and,

out of the house."

There are other good
reasons for living with a man,
according to Stephanie. Main-
ly: ‘You will never have to go
on dates again."’ But also:

strictly personal

by Bob Hunter

alike. She even explains why a
man and his porn collection
are ultimately inseparable.
-In_ her intro, Stephanie
points out that ‘‘men have
always been with us in one
form or another. The study of
living with men (or higher-
animal husbandry) is fairly
new."*

She notes that ‘‘some
women insist that pets, and
even fine furniture, can fill the
same function as men in one’s
life. Many women swear by
cats. Actually, cats are much
more difficult than men. Men
do not give you small rodents
as kiss-and-make-up gifts,
men do not try to eat
everything smaller than they
are, and men do noi require
tiny little doors just to be Jet

Indians appealing —
fishing convictions

trary to widely held public
opinion that. band members
have little regard for ‘fish
conservation and fishing
controls, ‘‘We have made
many regulations in the
past.”

According to the Chief,
the Squamish band restricted
the use of nets in fishing on
reserve rivers between
September and December in
1983. In the same period, a
limit of 10 fish per day per
band member was instituted
by the band council. Vio-
lators of such band | fishing

regulations face fines of up.

to $100, says the Chief.
He adds. that because of

the broad social arid legal.
implications of Judge Gran- .
dison’s decision, not!only to..-

the Squamish band. itself,

‘but to all B.C. Indians, the 7
Squamish band council has «

decided to appeal the con-
victions of Lewis and Joseph
.on the grounds that section 6
is, in itself, a valid enact-
part of an
overall scheme for the
preservation and protection

_ of fish.

B oe 585 16th St:
‘West. V. rt aver =

“Living with a man means, at
least theoretically, not having
to sit home and wait for him
to call.”

Since it is entirely possible
nowadays to drift into a rela-
tionship where you are sort-of
living together, it is important
to watch for signs, like finding
yourself ‘‘constantly accepting
invitations in the ‘we,’ even
though you are nol a nurse or
the Queen of England.*’

The most important thing
to look for in a man,
Stephanie argues, is
consideration.

“Does he pay attention to
you when you want him to pay
attention to you? Does he
leave you alone when you
want to be left alone? Does he
pay attention to you when you
say you want to be left alone
but actually you’re just saying
you want to be leftalone, so
that he'll pay attention to
you?” ;

She warns against getting
involved with certain types of
males, such as commercial
pilots: ‘‘He thinks in a duil

monotone even during sex.
There's a little voice box in his
head saying ‘... and our
estimates (unintelligible) of
climax will be | a.m., Eastern
Daylight Time (unintelligible)
...ve a pleasant flight.’ "'

Writers? They ‘‘undoubted-
ly know a lot of words, and
they are capable of saying
things like, ‘I admire your
warmth, on a variety of
levels’; but this should not be
mistaken for actual talking.
This is just a sentence. From
anyone but a writer, it would
be horribly embarrassing.””

She doesn’t recommend liv-
ing with foreign men, by the
way. But if you must,
Englishmen are the best.
(Stephanie’s an American, |
remind you.) ‘“‘They can be
taken anywhere. You can
show up with them at the best
restaurants, and somebody
will think they’re Lord
Snowdon and you'll get a
great table.’”

As well, “you can take
them to parties; they can get
roaring drunk, call everyone in
the room a bleeding sot, try to
blow up balloons by sticking
them up their nose, and vomit
all over the hostess’s caftan,
and everyone wil! be charmed
by their accent. This is what is
known as ‘breeding.’ "’

A Scandinavian? ‘'There is
no denying they are very at-
tractive people. If they are not
beautiful at birth, they are sent
back to the manufacturer, and
their parents are reimbursed
by the Welfare State.”

Arabs? Well, that and the
stuff about Frenchmen is too
risque, fm sorry, for a fami-

ly paper. You'll have to buy’

the book.

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“TA p

Metcalfe’s

“North Shore People

It was all terribly hush-hush but that very casually-
@ dressed young woman alighting from Wardatr’s flight
f from London last week was, at one time, seriously con-
sidered to be the future Queen ‘of England. Lady
Sarah Spencer, sister to HRH Princess Diana and
the woman Prince Charles initially wooed until his ad-
visors suggested that she was too much of a maverick and
too independent to be a real conterider, flew in with a
group of high-spirited friends for a spot of salmon fishing. §
Seems the lady's a pretty fair fisherman -er- person. She

managed te. land a 45- "pounder just off Caulleild... ‘

Former North Shore resident and Westin Bayshore
executive, Andrew Jones, who was transferred to the #
chain's Shangri-La property in Hong Kong, retum-
ed home this week after two year’s absence for a change
4 of pace and to see some familiar faces. Talk about your
basic bad timing! He walked into the Bayshore just as
President Li and Vice-Premier Lt of the Peoples
Republic of China and their entourage of more than
100 Chinese were registering at the front desk... -§

Busy David Berner, back from the successful 75th @
reunion of St. John's High School in Winnipeg where §
§ 5000 ex-students were entertained by Monty Hall and
Berton Cummings, had just completed his first
Danger Say appearance as Commander Collins of §
the Coast Guard filmed near Eagle Harbour when he #
mM received word from West. Van producer, Michael %
4 Mead, that he'd been chosen to do ten days of interviews [fj
in Los Angeles for BCTV’s The Performers. Some of §
8 the stars chat Mike has arranged for David to chat with are
8 Doug Henning, Phyilis Diller, Margot Kidder, &
s Rod Stewart, John Denver and Bemer's old buddy,  &
4 James Bridges, who wrote and directed Urban @ 9
Cowboy, China Syndrome, Mike’s Murder and
the current Perfect. David, Michael and-their trusty crew §
iM left this weekend. Bemer is also due to begin his new
4 Shaw Cable opencline show entitled Dinner with §
Dave with featured celebrities and with food supplied by
North Shore restaurants in September.

| Eve Smith, West Vancouver's first lady of song, who
has entertained audiences from New York to Davos,’
S Switzerland, from Toronto to the Empress Hotel, |
f can presently ‘be heard singing and playing in Hum- J
phrey Killam'’s new spacious restaurant on Cambie &
called Brodies. Her dynamic delivery and yaried
, olre are reason enough to spend the evening. |Eve's. ‘
| future plans include performing more as an actress, ob-
fl taining a recording contract and opening her own after-
fa theatre club... Big news out of the very successful North
i Shore News Sailing Race is that organizers have j
been approached by Expo officials to present the race |
next year as Expo's premier water event... Likeable Ben-
ny Wong has sold his 16-year old House of Fortune §
Restaurant on Capilano Road to the Chan brothers. #
Benny will become the new manager at the ever popular
Ming's in the heart of Chinatown... Nintendo’s ff
¥ spectacularly-located Salmon House on the Hill has
a new manager in Geoffrey Howes who has changed ff
the image, the kitchen, the menu and brought in new chef,
Andrew Howath from The Old House in Court-
ney. Best_news is that they will now take reservations...
LA, production co-ordinator, Les Kimber, and Home
® Box Office exec, Tab Baird, are at Panorama
@ Studios arranging for 13 episodes of the scary Hilt-
eaerd series to be filmed here but no cast names as ff
. Winners for two years in a row in the annual Per- §
ver Walter's Race, West Van runners Todd Met-
calfe of the Palisades and Leslie Tomlinson of the &
# Bayshore are not being allowed to compete in this year's
I event.-Instead the pair will be presented with a trophy J
9 each for their past efforts at today's race... Like huge but-
terflies wafting down the mountainside, the Interna-
tional Hang Gliding Competition takes place on
Grouse Mountain July 24-26. For a close-up view of &j
one of these colorful birds, there’s one hanging in the §
§ Hyatt Hotel lobby... And did you know that the ex- ff
A clusive West Van waterfront residence of those weird but
* funny Hollywood zanies, Cheech and Chong, is called }
Chez Flake?... Loved Royal Motors’ sign: ‘‘Fat is
like destiny. It shapes our end.” ...Cheersl...

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