ON THE CTHEF HAND

ernmanoe

DOUG COLLINS is looking
for Doug Collins, a fellow
who may be a miscarriage
delivered by the Vancouver
Sun, or a ghost, or the twin
brother I don’t have.

If you come across him, phone
me collect, He and I will then repair
to my West Van watering hole and
compare notes, for he obviously
knows that the opportunities for the
Tribe of Collins are improving.

The little saga that is the subject
of this column began with the meet-
ing hosted in Vancouver by our
crafty Master of Ceremonies for
Immigration, Sergio Marchi.
Someone called Bob asked Marchi
why Ottawa thought we needed
more people in order to be better
Oil.

What he said was not recorded,
but the next day reporter Kim
Bolan had a story in the paper that
contained the following observa-
tion: “Anti-immigration advocates
such as Doug Collins and Jud
Cyllorn applauded.”

Really? But I was picking my
nose and contemplating the infinite
that day. And I was not at the

4

1457 Lonsdale Ave., N. Vancouver

Phone: 980-2451

The strange tale of

Doug

Hastings Community Centre, where
the meeting was held.

Thad already told North Shore
News readers why: Marchi’s travel-
ling road show in which he pretend-
ed to “consult Canadians on inimi-
gration” was a fraud, Whatever
ordinary people said it would make
no difference, f said, he and his fel-
Jow plotters having written the
seript long ago, There was therefore
no point in going.

Taking pen in
hand, tasked the
Sun whether there
were two of me
and wrote that I
hoped so,

They printed
part of the fetter
under the enig-
matic heading
“Collins all
Dougs.” But the
explanation was
in an Editor's
Note: “The story referred to a dif-
ferent Doug Collins, who was in

fact at the mexting and did in fact

applaud whea immigration policy
was criticized.” (My emphasis.)

Did he? ts there in fact another
Doug Collins who is known as “an
anti-immigration critic?” If so what
has he been up to, apart from clap-
ping his hand. at the Hastings
Community Centre?

IF must hang around down there
in case he turns up again. For this
“different Doug Collins” may be
worth talking to. Or is it a case not
so much of “Collins all Dougs” as
of “Dougs all Collins?”

Ever the sleuth in search of
truth, I asked my alleged co-clap-
per, Jud Cy}lorn, about the Other
Doug. Cyllom swore hand on heart
that the Other Doug must have been
a spectre. His eyes and ears func-
tion well, he said, and he could not
have missed such a person, the
place being stacked with Aziz
Khakis and millions of pleading
multicults.

66 Cyllorn swore hand
on heart that the
Other Doug must have

been a spectre.

But. f said, some sort of Doug
Collins must have been there
because when | spoke to the Letters
to the Editor fem at the Stat, she
said that according to the Bolan
girl, Doug Other was wearing a
name lag.

Cyllorn roiled bis eyes. He
pointed out that this sort of thing
epened a new vista. [could go
speechifying as Moe Sihota,

A great idea. Moe Collins could
deliver an
address that
would
absolutely
slay the NDP.
He could say
his fellow
Sikhs had it
all wrong
about turbans
und that they
should keep
their noses
and their
headgear out of the legions.

This “different” Moc could add
that the socialists’ policy of nat hir-
ing anyone who was mule, pile and
straight as a nail was being ditched
and that the days of cuddling up to
wimmin and homos were over,

That would give the Sun some
fine headlines. “Moe sicks on
Sikhs!” “Pansies out, says Moe!”
“Wimmin are warts!”

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a a

louble

Or how about going as Mike
Harcourt? Mikey Collins could
make history with that one.

“For too long, comrades, we
have been steered by white wine
socialists, From now on it's back to
beer. Solidarity for ever! Fear not,
noble sons of the woods, Once
nore unto the breach, dear
friends..."

“Mikey ditches ditherers!"

As for Goug Other, [really must
make his acquaintance because
there aren't too many “anti-immi-

And I'd like to know whether it w;
him or me that the Globe & Mail
was quoting recently on the turbat

issuc,
Then there was the mention in

Mt referved to “Doug Collins, the
wogs-aut-now nutbar.”” Perhaps
they had Doug Other in mind.

where that guy is to be found. Ud
like to know whether, like me. he
nore than a pretty face,

KEN BAXTER
LAWYER ?

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