34 — Sunday, November 25, 1990 — North Shore News LIFESTYLES Respond pertly to unwanted pity DEAR MISS MANNERS — I have a beautiful, in- telligent, sociable, nine- month-old daughter who also happens to have spina bifida. While my husband and I admit that her condition is an inconve- nience, we consider ourselves for- tunate indeed to be her parents. We hope that she will grow up feeling the same way about her condition — that it is an inconve- nience and nothing more. How does one handle public displays of pity? For example, I had her picture taken today and I had to tell the photographer about her puralysis so that he could position her for the portrait. He kept saying, “‘Poor baby.”” I werry about the day when she will be old enough to understand such comments, and I'm afraid that when she gets her wheelchair, they will become frequent. Can you provide me with one of the polite, succint and effective rejoinders that are your trade- mark? I would love to hear some- one say, ‘“‘Well, she certainly is a beautiful child — you must be very proud,’ because I am. GENTLE READER — Of course you are, and Miss Manners has noticed that you don’t need any special help from her to say so. At this point, you should just seem incredulous when you say, firmly enough to stave off further discussion: ‘‘What on earth do you mean? She’s a wonderful child!”’ As she gets older, you can allow yourself a_ satisfied little laugh as you say: ‘Poor child? The person I feel sorry for is any- one who is silly enough to underestimate her.”’ DEAR MISS MANNERS — My wife and I had occasion to write a letter of condolence to the parents of a college roommate of mine. We both wanted to sign the letter, since we both knew him, so we thought we would write the whole letter in the first person plural, ‘‘We are sorry to hear...”” That meant that any references to one of us would have to be in the third person (‘John met Charles the summer before col- lege.””) In our experience, the only people who refer to themselves in the third person are politicians (and, of course, Miss Manners). The alternative was for me to write in first person singular (‘I met Charles...°°), but then it would seem awkward for us both to sign the letter. Eventually I began the fetter that way but referred to my wife in the course of the letter and concluded, ‘Please accept our Judith MISS MANNERS GENTLE READER — Thank you for allowing Miss Manners the eccentricity of being plural. In’ sympathy,” with both of us sign- ing. warning anyone else against trying this, she speaks from a knowledge of the pitfalls. But writing as a double per- sonage is nowhere near as perilous as what you are trying to do, which is to write as two separate People. You have already seen how troublesome it can be. Miss Manners advises you Co give it up. Orly one person can write a let- ter; you are not, Miss Manners trusts, alternating words so that the letter is equally in the hand- writing of both of you. Either you write the entire letter and keep saying ‘‘Barbara and I”’ where appropriate, concluding with ‘‘Barbara sends you her deepest sympathy’’; or you write a letter, sign it, and leave room for your wife to add a note of her own, which she will then sign. Keeping trees trimmed helps keep the power on ‘Trees add beauty, shade and privacy to our environment. But when tall-growing trees are allowed to grow near power lines, trouble begins. On average 43% of all power outages are caused by trees and branches falling on power and service lines. This percentage increases dramatically during storm conditions such as those experienced on the North Shore last winter. To reduce outages we have a Hydro vegetation program to control the trees growing along public rights- of-ways. Homeowners have an important part to play too. First, in keeping your service lines (the wires that run from the power line to your house) clear of trees, and secondly, ensuring trees on your property do not present a hazard to nearby power lines. But beware: Don’t take risks by working near energized lines. Call a certified tree trimming company for help, or if you have any concerns about potential hazards call Hydro’s North Shore Vegetation Inspector at 293-7321. By working together, we can enjoy the natural beauty of the North Shore while minimizing the potential for service interruptions. 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