tem A nn ee er tg: Sia en ARN OER mA Bm te em mA tay ramet" C7-Sunday News, May 4, 1980 Needs to learn ask hayden stewart how to finish projects Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new office in the Internanonal Ptaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the convenence of North Shore residents. QUESTION: I've started to write you so often that my started but unfinished Ilet- ters, if printed, would compare in size to Gone With The Wind. And that is my problem. I am _ con- tinually starting things and not finishing them. I have at least nine paintings I have started and there they sit - unfinished. I started a Painting Class last fall, went three times and quit. I started a diet and quit. Last week, I started to “clean out my drawers” and after doing part of two of them, I quit. Notice that I did not even finish one. Not me. I did half of two of them. Jast like me. Anyway - I guess you've got the idea. How can I get myself into finishing things? STEWART: Not knowing you, I can only give you a superficial answer. This “problem” you describe has a lot to do with what kind of person you are and so my suggestions must be thought of as simply general ideas that you might get started on. Perhaps someday you will want to get counselling help in the matter, but meanwhile, here are a couple of ideas. The very first thing for you to finish is the thing which, unfinished, is giving you the most unhappiness. Get at that one that is hardest for you to live with while it remains un- finished, and get it out of the way. Do it, no matter how much gumption it takes. Get it over with and celebrate! Then, be sure that the next two or three things you finish ave fun son QUESTION: Here's a verbatim conversation that took place in our home the other day. Our eight year old son, hockey stick in hand, walked into the den where my husband was deep into some reading. The boy jumped into the con- versation with, “Hey dad, will you help me tape my stick?” My husband, still taken up with what he was reading, looked up and smiled at the boy and said, very nicely, “That's great son. Have fun!” He didn’t even hear the boy. What can I do about a situation like that? It happens every little while. STEWART: It offers you a great opportunity to teach the boy something he will need to know all the rest of his life. Let him see that he will be much better off to get a person's attention before he leaps into conversation. Let him see that his dad was not really “with” him when he started talking to him. His dad was in his book. The lad will need to learn ways that are available to him to have both persons present and aware, before he can have conversation. Let him see it works the other way around too. If the boy had been playing in an exciting hockey game and dad sauntered up and called out to him (in the midst of his big game) “Hey son! Let’s go for a walk,” the Why not? QUESTION: Now there's THE PILL everything, why not? STEWART: Don't ask me. Ask you! There must be something going on in you that makes you feel there are at least two sides to your question, otherwise you would not bother writing a letter about if. As long as you feel that way about it, | would suggest you wail a minute or a month or a year Allow yourself some “inner knowing” before you take any questionable plunge In any matter thal you consider important, get fechng real good about 1 that and before you THE choose a way for you Inexpensive rates For intormation call 1 HAMLER t Tell-O-Grams for those phone calls you want to make but can't. have one our expenenced callers relate your special message with the utmost discretion Tordet Me Not PILL has changed a lot of things. If it changes you, be sure it changes you in a way that makes you feel great about your real self. I've dumped it back in your lap haven't 1. I should point out that in doing that, I am not copping out. What I am doing is paying you a compliment. Can you find the compliment somewhere? Pitch-in 873-3388 G2 ENTE RHEE SA TTD are things YOU WANT TO DO, (in contrast to things you feel you SHOULD do, or things someone has told you you OUGHT to do.) Do you get that? There'll always be things you feel you MUST do, but just for now, while you are working on developing the art of finishing things, give yourself some things to finish that you really want to finish. Currently, you have yourself labelled as a quitter. Do that hard thing that bothers you first, then a couple of things you WANT to do, then remove the “Quitter” label. Hey! I've just thought of a thing you can quit and be happy about quitting. Quit calling yourself a quitter! dad could expect to hear something like, “That's great dad - see you later.” The boy would not be “with” him would he? It takes two people who are both “with” it, before there can be conversation. qesenerunuse eof epen spn araa clans . eee ewe etucanens oer PON eg gamnenoase : apamePaaenes Roman shades of handsome woven woods easy as 1,2,3! Kirsch display QUESTION: Our son is making it very difficult for us to trust him. He does one thing after another that make us angry or exasperated. We forgive him and forgive him and he just turns his hand to something else that disappoints us. How long can we go on forgiving him? STEWART: There are many other aspects of this Situation besides your in- numerable forgivings. Pay attention to the whole spectrum of possibilities - not just forgiveness. Your question about how long you can forgive was asked 2,000 years ago and the questioner added, “Should I forgive seven times?” The answer, from a wtse man, was, 70 tumes seven. In other words, aS many times as_ the situation calls for forgiveness. So perhaps there will never be an end to your need to _ forgive. 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Perhaps you can discover other ways to demonstrate your love that PLAY: - SQUASH © No court fees for squash & racquet- ball © Beautiful viewing lounge with fire- place - a great place to socialize e Lockers with saunas © Resident pro of- fering lessons & clinics SAVE $500 or $150 On A Daytimer Membership - TENNIS - Indoor & Outdoor - RACQUETBALL Join Now, Save 2 Months Dues For more information - Call Christine at 980-5734 LIONS GATE L} RACQUETS CLUB Mm 1185 West 26th Street. North Vancouver 980-5734 Difficult to forgive will be even more attractive to him and give him a surer sense of your love. It’s great that you are so forgiving. Now, see how ably you can develop other skills that you will also want so share with him that will be even more rewarding. Keep Open to new ways. Nursery Matches arranged & organized A social program for meeting new friends All facilities open now ¢ Convenient loca- tion - off Upper Levels & Capilano