~

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38 -~ Wednesday, March 27, 1991 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

Sex clocks don’t keep the same time

Q. OURS SOUNDS like a simple problem, but it's causing

havoc in our marriage.

My husband is a night person. 1
am a morning person, up at 6
a.m. and ready to pass out before
10 p.m. He doesn’t get going, in
the sexual sense of the word, until
a litile after 11 — p.m., of course.

As you can imagine, we don't
get together very much, And our
marriage is suffering from the
lack of sex. We are snappy with
each other. I don't feel close to
him. He complains of frustration.

Yesterday he told me he doesn’t
think a marriage can survive on as
little sex as ours is getting. Help!

A. Your letter is interesting
because your situation is the
reverse of what I often hear from
couples. In your household, the
woman is the sexual morning per-
son. Normally, the man wakes
ready for sex because the male
testosterone level is highest in the
morning.

But it doesn’t matier who wants
what time, the solution is the
same for you as other couples:
Compromise!

If you have to take a nap after
work so you can wake up later for
sex, do so at least one night a
week. And if he has to go to bed
early so he can wake in time for
sex, he should da that once a
week. Then, Jeave weekend after-
noons free for lovemaking. Isn’t

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Dr. Ruth
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ASK DR. AUTH
your sex life worth compromising
your sleep habits one day a week?
Q. Two years ago I met a
wonderful man. Both in aur late
20s, we revelled in our open sex-
ual appreciation of each other.
We did everything, including

bondage, whipped cream and
baby oif, and garter belis and
stockings.

After we'd been together a few
months, I was offered a great job
in another city. { decided to take
it when he said he’d move along

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with me. Now he's the one who's
been transferred to a new city and
I'm the one who’s moved along.

Suddenly eur sex life isn’t what
it used to be, and I need to know
why it’s lost the lustre. He hasn’t
used the handcuffs in four
months.

Is it because we experimented
too much too soon? Or is it
because I'm not happy in this new
job and city? Or is this what hap-
pens after two years?

A. Sex doesn’t lose its *‘lustre’”
after two years! And there is no
such thing as experimenting too
much, too soon leading to too lit-
ue, too tame., .

1 think you are bringing your
unhappiness with the new job into
the bedroom. Why don’t you
begin looking for another job?
Also, look for things to like about
your new city. Probably you need

to make some friends. Try joining

a group or taking a class.

I am betting your sex life will
improve when the rest of your life
does. Good luck! Let me know
how you are doing in six months.

Q. My wife and I are happy
together and our sex life is good.
We are both in our earty 40s, and
I need more to arcuse me and
keep me going now than I did 10
years ago. I guess this is more or
less normal.

But I am = concerned about

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something ET do. [ fantasize some-
times about my wife having sex
with another man while we are
making love. This gets me very
aroused and can sometimes bring
me to ejaculation when I am
ready to do so.

i feel a little guilty about the
fantasy. Would telling her make
me feel better about it? Or would
she think I really want her to do
it? I'd like to share this and other

fantasies but E'm_ afraid they
might offend her.
A. When a person says, ‘I'm

afraid this mig..: offend my part-
ner,’’ I say, ‘‘Keep your mouth
shut!’ Your fantasies are normal.
And you are right in believing it is

also normal for a man your age to
require more, and more kinds of,
stimulation both to arouse him
and to keep him aroused during
intercourse.

Stop feeling guilty! Use the fan-
tasies as often as you need them.
But don’t tell your wife. She
would probably take them the
wrong way. You might ask her if
she’s ever had erotic fantasies —
and if so, would she share them
with you. If she says no, don't
pursuc it.

Everyone has fantasies, but her
reluctance to admit to them
should tell you where she stands
on the subject.

AND MORE LACE!

gs GOOD
Se FRIDAY

ict. WHY’S

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LOUGHEED
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f 420-5016

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MARCH 29th
42:00-5:00 PM

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