46 - Wednesday, September 23, 1992 ~ North Shore News Time has come to reciprocate kindness DEAR MISS MANNERS — ‘When i lost my beloved hus- band, my life became 2 complete vacuum. But after all the tears and pain, | am now ready to smile again. My sister and brother-in-law coustantly invite me to dine with them, and J really enjoy it. How- ever, F would feel so much better if I could pay my sBare. How can 1 tactfally insist on paying my own way? I am just grateful they ieclude me at all, and 1 don’t want them (fo feel insulted or un- easy. GENTLE READER — Miss Manners is delighted to hear that you are feeling better, and agrees with you that it is high time that you carry your own weight in these situations. But you are also right to have misgivings about the idea of mere- ly paying as you go from now on. It is a coid return for the emo- tional support you have received. You don’t want to say, in effect, “OK, I realize my free ride is over,’’ but rather ‘‘] love being with you, and now I’m delighted to be able to entertain you.”’ You can reciprocate their hospi- tality by making dinner for them, or by inviting them out, providéd you make it clear that you are eager to be their hostess. This would be accomplished not only by your tone of enthusiasm but by your jumping in with your invita- * tion before they issue another one, so that you don’t seem merely to be buying out their offer. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am the president of an organiza- Judith MISS MANNERS tion that kas philosophical dif- ferences with another group, which attacked my organization in its newsletter. I wrote a polite letter respon- ding to their charges, and mailed it to their leader. Several months went by, and I received no reply, but then a member, brought me a copy of their newsletter which contained my letter, edited by their leader, and his reply. I wrote again and still heard nothing from him. Can you suggest any way I might persuade him to do me the courtesy of replying to my letter THURSDAY Sept. 24—Eagle Harbour yommunity Centre, 5575 Marine Dr., dance classes, sports, art, fitness, drama & more. Fail Leisure Guide now available. Also: purchase tickets ($5) now for the grand opening cele- bration of the centre; Sept. 30; 6-8 p.m.; party includes entertainment, refreshments & surprises for everyone to enjoy.Info: 921-7425. eee Sept. 24—to Nov.12. Let*s Produce A Play. Kids aged 9-12 yrs. will follow a script & produce a play; production for parents on the last day. 3:30-4:30 p.m., N.S. YMCA. Info: 926-5541. Sept. 24--Ongoing to June. Cantonese Lessons. Learn to understand verbal & written Chinese. 46 p.m., Sentinel Secondary School. Info: Agnes Wong, 929-7522 or Edwin Lee, 922-6928. Sept. 24--Ongoing. Deep Cove Parent Journey to the SOUTH PACIFIC A slide show, fiim presentation Cook Islands / Fiji fas CaN . Thurs., Sept. 24 Delbrook Rec Centre ge (Qak Room) 600 W. Queens Rd. Door Prizes & Refreshments Tickets at Westview Travelink $3.00 atthe door $5.00 A SILVER FERN HOLIDAYS " rj @ air new @z€atangn The Pride of the Pacific WESTVIEW TRAVELINK 986-9376 > is of- . fering new fall Oe oramme. “inedneiens Participation Preschool has vacancies in its program for 3 & 4 year-olds, starting Sept. Info: Cinty, 929-5200. For more Coming Events see first page of Classifieds. For arts and entertainment listings see the Around Town column in Wed- nesday’s North Shore Now sec- tion. Save BIG On f Downdraft Electric Grill-Range «30" wide snd comesin blacks White at additives] cx . | cvour 21299 | warez Jenn-Air SEE THEM NOW ATE COLONY| ' HOME FURNISHINGS | f 1075 Roosevelt Crescent 3 a North Vancouver {2 blocks behind the Avalon Hote) OPEN DAILY; Fri. 9-9; Sun. 12-4 directly rather than in a second- hand way in the psges of his in- frequently published newsletter, to whick I do not subscribe? GENTLE READER — The words for which you are searching are ‘‘Not for publication, please.” Miss Manners sometimes comes across them after laboricusly typ- ing a Gentle Reader’s question in- to her sweet, old-fashioned PC, and then has to hit the Delete but- ton. Unless otherwise noted, letters in response to a published article are assumed to be intended to be published as well. DEAR MISS MANNERS — Since my fiance and 2 are in our late 30s and have maintained kouschelds for many years, we do not need many of the things that people often give as wedding presents. We are both active in volunteer work and we thought we would ask our friends and relatives to make donations in our name to our favorite charity, in liew of wedding gifts. As we made this known, several friends said they intend to give us a present anyway. Do you have any suggestion about how we can tactfully discourage these people? How should we handle those who bring gifts to the reception any- way? Sue 24 We do not wish to embarrass them, but we also don’t want people who followed our wishes to see a number of gifts and wonder if they, too, should have given a present rather than a donation. GENTLE READER — Miss Manners has a wonderful sugges- tion for you: Take all that time and effort you are putting into improperly denying others their privilege to decide what, if any- thing, they want to give you, and donate it to your favorite charity. As for people who do give you Presents, your job is to thank them. The items are then yours, to use as you wish, which could in- clude donating them to charity. TO OUR VALUED “G0 PLUS” CUSTOM ERS: We've got a golden savings opportunity for you! Come in and take advantage ‘ofa 1£% savings on almost everything in the store! Just show us that Govern- ment of Canada Blue Card, Senior Citizen: Tansportation Card, Provincial Senior | Citizen Card, Driver's Licence or Birth Certificate. EXEMPTIONS: Offer does not include: Tobacco Products, Prescriptions, Magazines; Major Appliances, Microwaves, Stereos, Televisions, Video/Electronic, Computers, Computer Games, Cameras, Automctive Labour, Lay-a-way Fees, C.0.D. Orders, Delivery Charges, Gift Certificates, Restaurant 10% Discount Everyday. CAPILANO MALL NGRTH VANCOUVER _ 925-MARINE DRIVE 988-6311 Hours: Saturday Sunday Monday to Wednesdey Thursday and Friday 10am-6pm 10am-9pm 9:30-6pm ttam-Spm Garden Centre opens Ttiam Sunday