Big Mo and the RtCot in mobile high chairs | “*BIG MO” arrived in time to celebrate Hiroshima Day in Vancouver harbor, but a day late for the Gay and Lesbian Rights Parade. Some of these guys (7) in their bikers chain mail were sure scary. It would have appealed to the dan- gerous inilitarists aboard U.S.S. Missouri, our visiting bat- tleship. I'm grateful to Greenpeace for reminding us of the historic anni- versary. Why else would the U.S. Navy visit the Port of Vancouver, were it not to give the victory salute for the thrill of once having liquified a couple of Japanese cit- ies? It was clever of them to maintain the schedule, considering the nuisance junket to the Persian Gulf eartier in the year. But no sooner than the mighty ship sailed from the war zone danger, here she was under seige {rom the flower people of Canada’s west coast. ‘This is Vancouver,”’ they reported, **where evil doesn’t lurk.’ We have signs saying that it is a nu- clear free zone. Can’t they read? Send out the gendarmes! Life is downright disgusting if you are determined to save souls. Hardly moments passed after the brave zodiacs hooted and hollered at the steel monster, before every VIP in western civilization com- fortably motored by in launches en route to cocktails and good eats with the fascists. Informed sources advise us that Greenpeace was able to smuggle spies aboard U.S.S. Missouri. They cleverly posed as ordinary citizens and then joined one of the many public tours of the ship. It would have been impossible to spot these agents were it not for their involuntary grunts of dissatisfaction. It’s quite frustrating saving a society that doesn't want to be saved. @ece This high level international in- trigue misses one of the big issues of the day. North Vancouver City is banning some kind of a swap program for propane cylinders. ICG and Shell Canada wanted to keep an inventory of 30 fuil can- nisters. We could drive up, drop off our old one, and travel happi- ly on to make dinner for the neighborhood. This has been banned. This alerted my never-miss business antenna. To remain at the cutting edge of social revolu- tion, one can always learn from the dazzling intellects of City Council. We've decided to set up a recycling centre for gas barbecues and propane cans. Since tens of thousands of gas barbecues will now be redundant to modern society, we must be quick with an industry to use the rejects. Bring them in. We will figure out what to do with them. if the wheels are good, maybe we could convert them into mobile high chairs. I’ve actually seen them used as plant stands. We could melt down the cannisters. So far we haven’t heard what North Van District is going to do. They should get with it too. Otherwise, the city folks will be travelling back and forth trans- porting these bombs over long distances to and from their barbecues. Council asked the fire chiert what he thought about this highly explosive, dangerous commodity being stored and sold within his territory. Sensing the drift of the A Place To Go When you're Pregnant And Need Support: | GIRTHRIGHT | 4 987-7513 » Free Pregnancy Test + & tn Vancouver Cal f orth Vancouver “687-7225 Gary OPEN LINES discussion, the chief missed a perfectly good opportunity to call council a bunch of buffoons. eee The timing of this couldn't be more unfortunate for yours truly. For years | have been sweating it out on the patio trying to figure out when the can was going to run out of propane. Someone once said to do something or other with water. | did various things with water. The trick -— eclated to evi- dence of condensation —— has re- mained a mystery. But I landed on a foo! proof system. When the flame goes out, it's often out of gas. It’s enter- taining for the dinner guests, and only a minor hassle to finish off under the broiler. After a few similar adventures, my wife insisted there had to be a better way. Off we went in scarch of a ‘‘consultant.’’ Over at the Petrocan station at Mountain Highway and Main, a teenager proved to be very helpful. He gave me the weight of the can empty. And then, when full, it became 18 pounds heavier. My younger days driving a truck came rushing back to me. Tare weight and all that: the weight of the truck loaded minus the weight empty equals the heft of your payload. Once home, the new puzzle was how to go about doing this. The leng hike from the patio to the ensuite bathroom with a propane cannister might someday violate a civic bylaw. Since this wouldn't do, it was time we invested in a better home scale. Arnold Schwarzenegger would have been right at home at our first of several stops. Next time I'm in the market for nautilus equipment it’ll be the top spot on my list. But we wanted to find something more suitable for a propane cannister, which could also double as a scale for ordinary humans. After much research, we landed at Libra Scales just off Imperial Avenue in Burnaby. This clever proprietor paraded his astrological knowledge in naming his business. Scales of Justice, Scales of Weight. Who would know the difference? He showed us the once famous upright Detecto doctor’s scale. Then he talked us into buying a heavy clone made in the People’s Republic of China. After parting with $350, we loaded this beast into the backseat, contentedly driving home to a lifetime of happy barbecuing. Uatil the war clouds came rushing from North Vancouver City Council. So far we are safe. But soon they may bypass the municipal boundary. And then what? Pechaps some expert «a flam- mable materials might help me convert my box of obnoxious and dangerous chemicals into barbecuc fucl. Regular readers may recall that our municipat gurus, along with the GVRD and the provincial environment ministry, had a burst of do-gooderness last fall. We were told to gather all of the evil substances together and report forthwith to a certain address. This we did. Unfortunately, we failed to set aside a full day in order to reach the official dump (a thousand cars were ahead of us) so we returned home with this neat and dangerous box. We stil! have it. But I’m ready for the next Save-the-Environment Day. Whether it be this year or the next, my box will be ready. Unfortunately, my barbecue won't fit. = SSN = Y, ry -\ @ We are the Pros! 20 Years on the North Shore @ [.C.B.C. Claims - repairs & replacement (Interior/Exterior car-clean, at no extra charge w/every windshield) We fit into your schedule. 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MONDAY NIGHTS _ 6:30 - 9:30 BSMG 160 MMCT 16! BSMG 171 BSMG 179 CMPT 180 IBUS 357 TUESDAY NIGHTS _ 6:30 - 9:30 BSMG 163 BSMG 178 BSMG 187 BSMG 197 Marketing Presentation Skills Quantitative Methods IJ Accounting IJ Intro to Computers International Trade & Marketing Supervisory Skills Accounting | Intro to Business Hands-on Acivertising for the Small Business (8 weeks) Intro to Computers Customs Procedures & Documeniation WEDNESDAY NIGHTS _ 6:30 - 9:30 BSMG 178 BSMG i87 BSMG 210 CMPT 222 IBUS 333 OU 323 THURSDAY NIGHTS 6:30 - 9:30 BSMG 160 BSMG 178 BSMG 230 CMPT 180 IBUS 370 Accounting I Intro to Business Small Business Management Microcomputer Applications Cross Cultural] Communications Organizational Behavior I Marketing Accounting 1 Salesmanship - Professional Selling Skills Business Law | Intro to Computers BSMG 240 CMPT 180 For more information, please call 984-4960 between 8:30 and 4:00, Monday - Friday. CAPILANO 2055 Purcell Way © North Vancouver ¢ B.C.-