A sheriff who smells of unsophisticated

THE FAX started humming
the other day and spat outa
note from a friend who
wanted to know if I would
be a Controller at the
Commonweaith Fly Fishing
Championships at Nimpo
Lake.

1 faxed back:

“Y,— Do I have to know any-
thing about fly fishing to bea
Controller? I'm from a generation
of Chilcotin fishermen who used
to toss soapsuds in the creek and
then go upstream and dipnet the
trout that were Meeing cleanliness.
] had friends to whom that in-
famous Sure, the Oakalla Wob-
bler, was not unknown,

“2, — Why hold it at Nimpo
Lake? The fish there are dreadful-
ly unsophisticated. If they get in a
feeding frenzy they will chase you
back in the jackpines trying to
snatch the flies out of your hat-
band.”

He replied:

“1, — You no more need to
know fly fishing to be a cham-

_ pionship Controller than the
Comptroller of General Motors
needs to know how to drive a car.

“You just sit in the boat and
weigh and measure the fish before

Paul
st. Pierre

PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES

releasing them. Think of yourself
as a sheriff who smells of fish.

“There's a few rules to impose
but they're simple and shouldn't
cause any argument, No Germans
are entered in the competition.

“2, — The reason it’s being
held at Nimpo Lake is that Nimpo
Lake is where the 1993 Com-
monwealth Fly Fishing Cham-
pionships are being held June 14
and 15.

“You will face no problems
apart from having to drink beer

Refugee claimant fined
for store theft incident

AN IRANIAN refugee claimant was fined $100, May 26,
for stealing cassette tapes and cologne from a Woolco

store in North Vancouver.

A lawyer representing Shahryar
Namiranian, 24, argued the man
was experiencing stress and culture
shock at the time of the thefts,

The North Vancouver man
pleaded guilty to charges stem-
ming from incidents that occurred
on April 16. -

~. Crown Counsel L. Selbie Mac-
Donald said Woolco security staff
observed Namiranian carrying a
black duffle bag in the store. Ac-
cording to a statement made by 2
Woolco security esmployee,
-Namiranian took some blank
cassette tapes to another depart-
Ment and placed them into the
duffle bag.

Namiranian later put two boxes
of cologne in the bag before leav-
ing the store, said MacDonald.

‘According to the Woolco secu-
rity employee, Namiranian said ‘1
promise to pay,. Ill pay double,”
when security personnel brought
him back into the store.

MacDonald said Namiranian
had ..$322 in his wallet when he
shoplifted the $75.90 worth. of
merchandise.

Namiranian’s lawyer, Deborah
Harden, said her client had been

THE

By Anna Marie D’Angelo
News Reporter

in Canada for eight months and
was applying for refugee status.
She said Namiranian had no fami-
ly here.

Harden asked for a conditional
discharge.

But said Judge Bill Rodgers,
“In this case, the items he took
are luxury items. This is. not a

case of someone stealing some-—

thing to eat.”

Rodgers said the theft had an
element of planning. He said the
thefts were committed in. two dif-
ferent store departments, which
also indicated planning was in-
volved.

Namiranian said he required
three months to pay the fine.

Rodgers allowed him to pay by
Aug. 31.

“Ff there is a repetition of .this:

offence, he can expect to go to
jail,” said Rodgers.

_A Farsi interpreter stood beside
Namaranian throughout the
proceedings held in North Van-
couver provincial court.

RPORATION OF THE
DISTRICT OF NORTH VAN

VER

AUCTION OF
SURPLUS OFFICE FURNISHINGS

There will be an Unreserved Auction of Surplus Office
Furnishings, including desks, dividers, counters and

panel systems.

DATE:
TIME:
PLACE:

10:00 a.m.

MONDAY, JUNE 14, 1993

355 West Ciueens Rd.,

North Vancouver, B.C.

Viewing will be from 9:00 a.m, - 10:00 a.m., with the
auction immediately following.

This auction is strictly “Cash & Carry", and all items
must be removed from the site by 4: 30 p.m. that day.

R.W. Pearson,
Assistant Manager - Purchasing

with the Australians and being
followed home by stray cats.’

Once more I faxed, The great
thing about faxes is that they're so
much more reliable, faster and
cheaper than the mails.

“From where | live it’s a 1,800
kilontetre round-trip to Nimpo
Lake, so this can’t be one of those
occasions when | drive up in the
morning and am home for dinner
at night, What about my ex-
penses?"’

A fax came back:

‘Look in your wallet. If there
is any money there send it to us.
We can use it.”

I take this to mean that lam
not going to get any expenses or
even free marshmallows at the
campfire,

However, | accepted and have
received a final fax officially ap-
pointing me a Controller and ex-
pressing the hope that power
won't go to my head.

People will say | accepted for
the honor of it. Not so. Jam
businesslike. 1 keep an eye on the
botiom line,

So fet me now say to the Scots, -
the Ugandans and all those other
competitors that | am open to
bribes.

If these far-flung fishermen are
as keen on fly fishing as they

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claim, and the English are sending
20 men to fill five places on the
contestant fist, { think they should
be willing to put their moncy
where their mouth is.

However, in the name of
sportsmanship, and that’s what
this contest is all about, sports-
manship, | am prepared to take
cut-rate bribes from the poorer
nations.

it may not help their score
much, but they will be able to feel
they are participating in the pro-
cess.

For instance, | would do extra
cheating for the New Zealanders
even if they don’t pay me any-
thing or, perhaps | should say,
paid me only a token, well,
perhaps I should say only a little
more than a token. You know
what | mean

New Zealand was ahead of
Canada in coinpletely screwing up
its national economy, and we in
this country are grateful to the
Kiwis for instructing us in
cockamamie economics.

lam also prepared to cheat
heavily and rather blatantly on
behalf of the Solomon Islanders.

I'm hoping to go to the
Solomons as a tourist one of these
days and nothing could be more
helpful than having a fly fish-

KEN BAXTER
LAWYER

24 Years

sh

erman with a guilty conscience
greet me at the airport.

1 will onty add that I don't
come cheap and if insulted by
bribe offers lower than I know
people could afford | am likely to
behave like a woman scorned, of
whom it is said hell hath no fury
to compare.

All bribes to be paid in Ameri-
can dollars. No cheques, please.

Of course Controllers have na
intention of permitting the best fly
fisherman to walk away with the
trophy by default, so to speak,
that is, for no reason other than
that he is the best fisherman.

However, Mother Nature takes
care of that matter, It is a!suost
unknown for the best fisherman
to win the championship.

This is because any fishable
water, anywhere in the world,
contains al least one great big
dumb fish which will snatch at
any old fly, any time it is offered.

These fish are the makers of
champions, and I shall merely ad-
vance nature’s laws with a bit of
profitable cheating.

Our Commonwealth cousins can
be assured that Canada will
uphold all the proud traditions.
The True North, that’s what they
call us.

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