40 - Sunday, January 18, 1987 - North Shore News Lifestyles — DEAR MISS MANNERS — I’ve started to work ai a place where all the employees are ‘‘taken out’’ for lunch on their birthdays. After they have finished eating, our unofficial social director takes note of how much their tab comes to and asks everybody to con- tribute such and such an gmount to make it up. We have 12 people in our department, so it works out to about once a month. Although I love these people dearly, I com- pletely disagree with the money politics of it. posted - GENTLE READER — Manners wonders if Hal and others also feel coerced, but obligated to keep up for others what has been done for them. They might all be relieved if you conquer your fear. There are two ways of handling this. Miss Manners suggest ap- Pproaching the ‘‘social director” when the:: is no birthday notice so your suggestion will Miss miss manners by Judith Martin The restaurants we go to are of the impossible-to-get-out-for- under-10-dollars type, and I usual- fy can’t afford them. Also, a sign-up sheet is posted about a week in advance, saying, ‘‘Hal’s birthday: Sign up if going.’’ Thongh this sounds very demo- cratic, in fact it isa’t, because how can I refuse contributing to Hal's birthday when he contributed to mine? I would like to either demur politely from these outings or sug- gest to our social director that the money part of them be dropped, but I am scared. not seem to pertain to any one in- dividual’s birthday — asking that future parties be heid in cheaper restaurants or, if you’re shy about saying that, places where you can eat a “‘lighter’’ meal. The other is simply not to sign up, but to leave the Hal of the day a note wishing him a happy birth- day. That way, you have shown your good will toward the person, without having to participate in the celebration. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I bought my tI-year-old niece a Christmas gift, but unfortunately { was not able to kand-deliver it on WINTER PROGRAM YMCA combats stress IF THE stress in your life needs some handling, the YMCA may have the program for you. Y-Worry is a stress management program developed by the physical and health educational profes- sionals of the YMCA. Y-Worry takes a total management ap- proach to coping with stress. To help people ‘start, the first session of the 10-week program is free. Participants decide after the first session whether they will con- tinue. A free introductory session is being held at the North Vancouver Family YMCA, 440 Hendry Avenue, on Monday, Jan.19 at 7p.m. learn tech- conflict _ Participants will ‘niques in relaxation, management, communication, assertiveness and time mianage- ment. Important to the success of the program is recognizing the relationship of both nutrition and time, so she received it a couple ov weeks late. My sister-in-law refused her daughter's present, because it was late and not personally delivered. Is this rejection proper? I was highly insulted and hurt. How should I handle this uncomfortable situation? GENTLE READER — While your sister-in-law’s behavior is unspeakably rude, Miss Manners urges you not to allow it to preclude your developing a rela- uonship with your niece. Quarreling with her mother would cut off such a possibility. But Miss Manners can't quite see your accepting her dictum, either. She only suggests that in the future, you put the presents directly in the hands of your niece — so that if the mother objects, because the presents are late or on any other such grounds, she will have the burden of confiscating the present from the unfortunate child. DEAR MISS MANNERS --- is there any proper way to send a card? Is the fold of the card put in the envelope first or is the fold at the top? Does the print/front of the card face the front of the envelope or the back? GENTLE READER -— The object is that the card should apnear fac- ing the reader when the reader opens the envelope from the back and reaches in to pull it out. Therefore, the fold is at the bot- tom, and the front of the card faces the back of the envelope. It’s perfectly simple. Why Miss Man- ners had to sit here with her fingers physical activity as they relate to Stress. call For more information, 251-1116. SEOBESS GARRET CLEARING segs 2340 Clarke St. Port Moody LIVING, DINING AND HALL Residentiat only, excludes apts. 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