4- Friday, August 29, 1986

TERRIFIC! We have a premier whose wife helps him

- North Shore News

Bob Hunter

® strictly personal ®

out by using her powers of ESP. I love it!

At the risk of being zapped
by Mrs. Vander Zalin, who can
“see through people’’ to tell
whether they are ‘friend or foe
or whatever,”’ | keep thinking
even Eric Nicol couldn't invent
this kind of material.

Gosh. Supposing it turns out
I, for one, am a ‘‘whatever.”'
Can she just use, like mentai
X-ray vision to probe into my
naked psyche?

The implications are
awesome. What good ts a secret
ballot if Mrs. Vander Zalm can
read your mind?

This is not to belittle
anything this mysterious and
astounding person has to say.
Heck, this is the biggest news in
British Columbia's history. at
least since Amor De Cosmos
became premier.

Pomean, we have a genuine
psychic guiding the new premier
along his path — and ours — to
destiny. Move over, David
Young!

Mrs. Vander Zalm was
quoted as saying she often finds
that when she thinks of some-
one, “that person appears or |
get a phone call."

That's amazing. A little
frightening too. Supposing Mrs.
Vander Zalm suddenly thinks
of me. Or you. Or a member of
your fasnily.

Zap! We're gone. Off to visit
Mrs. Vander Zalm.

At least, with our previous
premiers, even Mr. Cosmos,
they had to go through the mo-
tions of sending an invitation of
at least a detachment of police
to fetch you. You couldn’t just

be thought’ over to the
preem’s office.

Po ohaven’t, as yet, had any
abnormal compulsions to pick
up the phone and cai Lilltan.
(Excuse the familiarity, but |
can't help feeling as though I
know her already. Call it telep-
athy. Or whatever). But f ex-
pect it could happen any mo-
ment, dependiig on whether
she thinks of me or not.

It’s a ‘*weird feeling,’’ and
she can’t explain why, bui ‘‘all
of a sudden you got the vibes
from that other person,” and,
bingo, there's a knock on the
door or the phone rings.

Mr. Vander Zalm_ himself
takes his wife’s occult powers
for granted. ‘Very often
women have extra sensory
perception,’’ he mentions casu-
ally. *‘Women have more of
this than men. :

“Don’t you have it?’’ he

’

hoe

FOR YOU

asked a female reporter.

it is not recorded what heer
answer was, but |] happen to
have read this particular female
reporter’s columns, and = I'm
afraid FE havent seen any sign
that she possesses a single ere of
ESP.

Mr. Vander Zalm went on to
wish aloud that fe had more
women in his caucus and cabi-
net because of their “intuitive
talents.” 1 don’t know whether
he wished upon a stir or not.
but Po guess he doesn't really
need to. He could just get
Lillian to think about it.

And, zap, hell have a room-
ful of women, all radiating
beams of intuition into the four
corners of time and space.
Sounds like as good a way to
run a province as any.

1 like the idea of cabinet
meetings being seances. |
always suspected they were,
anyway. I bet if the ministers all
touched the table with their
fingers and tried haru enough,
they could make it rise.

Why do you think they cail
their department ministries?

Think of it this way: We've
lost a government run by opi-
nion polls and gained one run
by Quija board.

Nevertheless, my faith in the
future of the beloved province
has been given a real shot.

HOLIDAY SHOPPING CONVENIENCE

PARK ROYAL SHOPPING CERTRE

5 WILL BE OPEN LABOUR DAY

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1

NOON-5 P.M.

i

Open 10 a.m-6 p.m. Monday-Wednesday
10 am-9 p.m. Thursday & Friday

9:30 a.m-5:30 p.m. Saturday

Noon-5:00 p.m. Sunday

° rc rarer
edt Te, whee

We're gonna be okay. kids.

During the era of Bill Bennett
(he werd “epack’? somehow
doesm’t come to mind), there
was a grim sense of knives con-
stanly scraping under the table,
of bone being splintered.

During the Dave
mini-Age there was flower
power, but it was political
rather than religious fervor that
it aroused.

My memories go back to
WOALC. Bennett, of course,
who openly acknowledged he
was plugeed into God. Those
were glory days! A province
guided by providence!

There is hope, after the in-
tervening non-epochs and
fnou-ages that we have entered
another major British Colum-
bian epoch of magic, wonder
and thrills!

The new premier happily
admits he counts on ‘help’
from Lillian’s not-so-secret
powers.

[ don’t quite know how they
do it. Maybe he aims her at
suspected friends or foes or any
whatevers that happen to be go-
ing by.

It’s wonderful! Not only do
we enjoy SuperNatural scenery,
we have a leader with a super-
natural wife,

Sit back and enjoy. It’s going
to be fun.

Barrett