QUESTION: J have such a
big pile-up of responsibility
coming my way that ['m
scared spitless. Some of it I
have committed myself to by
my own choice; some of it is
my boss's idea and is con-
nected to my work; some of
it is because of friends of
mine who are banking on me
to be one of the crowd when
we do a service project
through our club; some of it
is because of two sets of
people who are going to be
visitors to our home next
month. Not any of these
esponsibilities weighs too
mach all on its own,
(although the thing my boss
has in mind for me ts big
stuff) but when they all come
together just at the heaviest
time of my regular work-
year, it is enough to really
scare me. I'm afraid Fve got
myself into too much all at
once. It wouldn't be quite so
bad ff I could think of how to
get someone else to do some

Try to

QUESTION: Not long ago I
did something that ts so
wrong thet I have felt
conscience-stricken ever
since. That very phrase
seems xo old-fashioned even
to me. But I have really felt
ashamed and guilty. What I
did was contrary to my
upbringing and not at all part
of my usual way of life. Of
that I am ashamed. But
another part of my dilemma
bewilders me. How is It
possible for me to be so sure
I was wrong, and so full of
guilt over what I did, and, at
the very same time, know
beyond doubt that I deeply
enjoyed doing what | did.
How can I possibly enjoy so
mach, something thar I
should not do? When I
remember my joy over it, it
seems to me it could not
have been all that terrible a
thing to do. Yet, I know
better. Do you see my
dilemma? | didn’t hurt
anyone cise, I am sure. So, I
ect thinking perhaps = it
wasn't so wrong after all.
Yet, as I say, 1 know better.
1 should not have done what
I did. How can I work this
out?

STEWART: Be grateful for
the good feclings you had

of the things Pm lined up for.
But in almost everything, I
seem to be the only one

available. I feel like Fm
tackling too much, but I
don’t want to let anyone
down. What can I do? I hope
you have some ideas.

STEWART: It’s nice that
you are considered by others
to be capable and willing to
cooperate. It is not good,
however, (either for you or
for them) for them to see you
as a gullible mark who can
be “used” for their purposes.
So, first of all, review the list

and the joy you experienced.
Feelings are not really good
or bad—they are simply
feelings. So be grateful also
for the uncomfortable
feelings you had, which you
describe as shame and guilt,
and see what you can learn
from both sets of feelings.
Examine both kinds of
feelings in the light of your
current awareness about life
and about yourself. You may
want to rededicate yourself
to the “way of life” you have
mentioned, or you may want
to re-examine that “way” to
see if it is still valid for you.
You may want to strengthen
your old traditions and
principles, or you may need
to leave them behind as

of your awkwardly ac-
cumulating responsibilities
to see if there are some of

them that you can let go. It's

a bad sign for a person to be
saying, “I seem to be the
only one available.” If that
is, in fact, the case, it is
because you have allowed
others to see you as so easily
available that they have
stopped looking elsewhere,
or it may be that you have
actually come to believe that
nonsense. No one else
available? There will be - if
YOU don’t do it!

About the immediate

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appoinnnents for individual. family or group counselling. Hts
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) ts for the
convenience of North Shore residents.

learn from guilt

inadequate for you now. I
was brought up to think it
was a “sin” to dance and
believe me, that stance was
very important. to me. I no
longer hold to that part of
my upbringing. I see it as no
longer valid for me. Other
aspects of my early training I
stil honour. That one has
altered for me because of my
maturing awareness.

The joy you found while
stepping out of bounds will
prompt you to re-examine
your old standards of living
and either renew them with
commitment, or arrive at a
compromise, or let them go.
Life evolves for you and for
all of us.

Mr. Mileage Maker!

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