43 - Wednesday, April 19, 1989 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES The best years are not over for 25-year-old male Q. I AM a 25-year-old mate. Is it true that, sexually speak- ing, my best vears are behind me? What can I do to put them in front of me? A. Just relax about it, because you will be sexually active until you are 99. I do not believe in those ‘‘best years.’’ It is true that a younger man can have erections more easily and reeds less rest time -between erections, but this does not make him a better lover for the woman, nor does it mean he has more enjoyable sex for himself. All it means is he is more easily and more frequently aroused. With these very same advantages ‘of youth, he may be sexually inca- pacitated by premature ejacuiation or performance anxiety — things that can be corrected. Whatever your past record has been sexually, it is logical to assume that your sexual future will be an improvement as Jong as you and your partner care for your relationship and protect the pleasures end happiness it can con- . tain. Don’t iet lovemaking get put aside nor let it become routine. Q. What is your opinion of sex aids like wh'pped cream? A. I don’t want to limit my an- Men’s Shorts Women’s shorts All Cotton Travel Pant swer to sex aids like whipped cream. I suppose things like custard, chocolate sauce, honey raspberry syrup, yogurt and any- thing else can be slathered on a human body and licked off. ask Dr. Ruth Ruth Westheimer I would rather say that any sex aid that appeals to both partners ana offends neither and harms nobody is OK. If you both like whipped cream (preferably with a . few grains of sugar and a drop of brandy whipped into it), there is no harm, unless you count the cal- ories. You really should plan it in- to your diet and get exercise. I have to say of people who like Viennese coffee in its many varieties, or anything with whipped cream heaped on it, that they sometimes say, ‘‘Mmmm ... sex, who needs it?’’ Q. Iam, I gness you could say, a sexually inexperienced female but not really a virgin. I have a dumb question, but it is real to me. During sex, what do I do with -my hands? In other situations F bold a cup or a gless, toy with a reg. 8995 reg. 5795 req. 5 276-2606 Gulliver's Own Travel Clothes ISAVE 20% Stretch Travel Pant in cotton/poly/lycra blend featuring multi-pocket with hidden secret pocket to hold valuables. Men’s or Women's ‘sale $6995 pencil, do needlepoint, but ... ? A. When one person asks a ““dumb question” [ am sure hun- dreds of others are grateful it got asked. Most women put their arms around the man’s back; there is a great deal of shifting the hold from place to place. With the man on top sometimes women urge him on with hands on his buttocks. My advice is to show with your hands an interest in the pro- ceedings. Don’t nibble at an apple held in one hand. It would be discouraging to your partner. Q. Iam really scared. No mea find me attractive — ever. Will I be a virgin all my life? A. I hope you can rid yourself of a poor idea before you lose your virginity because lasing virginity is at best an incidental in joining joyously with someone you love. It is not the gauge of success or of acceptability. If you walk around with the feeling that you are so lacking in attractiveness, I think you ought to see a psychotherapist. There are other things wrong. Your feeling about yourself is not limited to sexual matters. A psychotherapist may show you how you elicit from other people the response, or lack of Tesponse, that you find so discouraging. Look around at some of the self-confident people, complete with friends and lovers, who are far from star material in any way. What misunderstanding about yourself makes you different from them? Often Iow self-esteem like yours has been superimposed by an elder who kept telling you that you were inadequate and unfortunate. Q. I really like my girlfriend a lot but every time she touches me sale $4598 sale $4735 sale $4495 Ariutus Ct "733-0111 intimetely } get scared. What could be my problem? A. 1 have to speculate. If you were in my office 1 would ask you many questions. Possibly some time in the past a woman touched you that way and you were, on that occasion, unable to perform sexually. This is an event that many men take too seriously, since what happens one time need not happen the next. I suggest that you learn to use fantasies that overcome negative feelings when you are with a woman, to learn to be more relax- ed in the intimate company of a woman, to give up being a spec- tator at your own lovemaking. 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