Doug Collins © get this PITY YOU weren’t on holiday last week in the Bahamas. If you had been, it would have been your pleasure to be entertained by as big a crew of robbers, beggars, dictators, racists, con men and hypocrites as you could wish to meet. I refer to the gathering of the so-called Com- monwealth, a cabal that was facing a crisis, we were told, over South Africa. If Maggie Thatcher & Co. didn’t start acting tough with the besieged white tribe, the Commonwealth might cease to exist. Why anyone should worry about that is beyond me. The sooner the Com- monwealth draws its last breath, the better. There are 44 countries in that shambles, and no one can name them all without looking them up. What we do know, however, is that many of them are not where you would want to be if the cops didn’t like you. ‘The sooner the commonwealth draws its last breath, the better.’’ Uganda, Ghana, Nigeria, Sierra Leone, Tanzania, Singapore and Bangladesh are a few ex- amples of countries that put people where the moon don’t shine. Others are heading that way rapidly. They include Zimbabwe, ruled by Comrade Robert Mugabe; Malaysia, where you also have to be on the An excellent selection of the jeading brands and “latest models,’ ‘NOW WAREHOUSE PRICED! itt, CONFIDENCE ot eee ADVERTISED WE'LL REFUND HOME FURNISHINGS Warehouse/Showroom OPEN TO THE PUBLIC (2 blks. behind the Avalon) at 1075 Roosevelt Cres., N.Van. 12-4 Sun JOO 738 right side of the politicians if yeu want to get ahedad in life; Zambia, where Kenneth Kaunda, like his buddy Julius Byerere of Tanzania, has discovered the secret of staying in power for ever. They're a fine bunch, all right. It’s a wonder they haven't invited Master Sergeant K. Doe of Liberia to join them, he having “buried his predecessor like a dog,’ as the news reports of five years ago put it. Being rascals doesn’t prevent them from crying the blues about South Africa, though. Listening to them, you would tink they were all parsons. But our media and politicians take them seriously. Even so, my scaly old eyes nearly popped out of their holes when 1 saw Brian Baloney smiling and bobbing aroung on TV with Nyerere a couple of weeks ago in Ottawa. And I fell down in a spasm when Baloney and Joke Clark talked about getting advice from that experi- enced African democrat. _The advice they wanted was on ‘‘possible new Ca- nadian economic sanctions against South Africa’. Can you beat that? Why don’t they go to the USSR and ask for advice on how to run elections? According to Freedom House in New York, Tan- zania has 5,000 political prisoners. .South Africa, with many times Tan- zania’s population, proba- bly has no more than a couple of hundred. Since 1962, Tanzania has had something called the Preventive Detention Act. straight If Nyerere doesn't like you, goodbye and good luck. This year, South Africa also enacted emergency legislation. But that docsn’t mean a guy is clapped in irons just because Pik Botha points his finger at him. In Tanzania, indepen- dent trade unions and po- litical opposition don’t ex- ist and, thanks to its Great Leader, the country is an economic shambles. Yet Nyerere is the most suc- cessful foreign aid Scrounger of all, and the Baloney/Turner/ Broadbent regime is his biggest supporter. “Why don’t they go to the USSR and ask for advice on how to run elections?’’ SEER Baloney no doubt sought advice on how to give the bum more money. The most sick-making Bahamas incident of all was Baloney’s pious state- ment that the South Africans were now hanging poets — a reference to the black man who had swung for murdering another black man — a policeman. Never did Baloney look more smug. Let us now pray. Let us pray that Margaret That- cher’s stand on South Africa will indeed lead to the dissolution of this phoniest club in the world, a club whose only function is to provide grist for hypocrites and half-witted editorial writers. ‘ JUDY BENJAMIN R.MLT. and JUDITH MALLETT R.M-T. Wish to announce the opening of THE DUNDARAVE TERRACE MASSAGE THERAPY CLINIC Ste. 103B, 2419 Bellevue Ave., W. Van By appointment Open Mon.-Sat. 922-0633 answering serv. 7 days a week Members of the Association of Physiotherapists and Massage Practitioners of BC. HomeTown Correction Notice tn HomeTown’s current flyer, the Braun heater, #CO2T, appearing on page 1 is nat available due to manutac- turer's problems. 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