4 - Sunday, December 6, 1987 - North Shore News

Bob

‘unter

@ strictly personal ®

IN WAIKIKI, surfers — us surfers, | should say ~~ have to
watch out for a few barnacle-covered rocks here and there,
but mainly we have to watch for dopes.

Dopes are other people in the
water in the path of your surf-
board, looking somewhere else,
not seeing you coming. There are
a lot in Waikiki!

In this adventure, { had my
nine-year-old son Willy with me.
Rather than just me suffering
through the agony of learning how
to surf, I had decided it was my
parental, duty to make sure he en-
dured it as well.

*“*But why, Dad?’’ he
whimpered, looking at the foamy
avalanches of water out there past
the breakwater.

“nr ‘m programming you to be a
man,’’ I answered matter-of-fact-
ly.

**Rats,”” he groaned.

**You’ve got to surf,’’ I explain-
ed. ‘It'll make you a hero. Girls
will think you're terrific.’’

Aha, that got his attention!

We had been travelling for a
month through New Zealand dur-
ing which time he read and re-read
and re-re-read a few dozen Archie
comic books. It affected him, 1
could see.

He went, in one month, from
thinking girls were yuk (except for
Mom and his prettiest cousin) to
suddenly starting to show extreme
general interest in girls as a phe-
nomenon.

ALT. and the Partherion —
doth a bit weather-worn.

@This was undoubtedly triggered
to some extent by the experience of
walking along Waikiki beach and
seeing, well, many acres of flesh.
But there is equally no doubt that
the trim figures of Betty and
Veronica were a source of consid-
erable fascination prior to the real-
ity of Waikiki.

I have for years suspected that
Archie comics are a form of soft-
core, pre-pubescent porn, more or
less. Don’t mind me. I have a
suspicious mind. But what am |
going to do? Lock away the Archie
comics?

Whatever che specific stimulant,
there was no doubt that my boy’s
attitude to females: per se was
undergoing a major change, mat-
ched by his sudden lack of interest
in transformer toys, G.I. Joe,
He-Man, Lego or even the: water
pistols he got for his birthday.

What tipped me off about Wil-
ly’s new perception was his com-
ment: ‘‘Whoa, Dad, look at that!”

“Ssh”? 1 warned. “You have to
be subtle. Here, borrow my
sunglasses. That: way, they can’t
tell you’re staring.”’

Ah, a father passing on manly
secrets.”

A year ago, I knew I would
never have been able to get the kid
to agree ty such a daunting

1

Dear Mr. Tilley

challenge as getting up on a surf-
board. But now there was a new
imperious biological imperative. |
could see him chewing over the
thought: girls like surfers, hmm?

There was mortal fear in his eyes
as he looked out at the moun-
tainous, rolling, thundering surf,
but when he turned back to the
bikini-topped (and sometimes
topless) beach, he knew what he
had to do.

“Okay, Dad,’’ he said in a
deeper tone than ever before. “‘If
this is what it takes.”’

So we hired a great Hawaiian
guy, Sam, to teach us. It took a
couple.of hours of real suffering.
At one point, poor Willy was lying
there on his board, exhausted to
the point where salt water and
tears and snot were mixed on his
face, and I heard him, for the first
time ever, swear.

But then, just when it seemed we
were losing our Jast dregs of
strength, Sam miraculously got us
both up on the same wave. We
caught it! We rode, poised like
tightrope-walkers on the roaring
white margin of an ever-dissolving
explosion, zapping exultantly

toward the Land of the Million

Bikinis.

Do males only do things like this
because of primitive sexual im-
pulses? I’m pretty sure.

Certainly, there were two
healthy male egos strutting the
beach for the rest of the day. Him,

BG US?!

: My Tilley Hat has been a constant companion in travels around the -
world, and has served me well. The name ‘Tilley’ is becoming famous and
it is rare that | wear the hat without receiving positive comments .
‘Given the torture tests that il has survived, an expansion of my Tilley

wardrobe is in order.
f

G. David Richardson

Chairman, Canasus Communications Inc.
Vancouver

The Tilley Hat was the V.LP. presentation gift at the Ontario Pavilion at
Expo “86. I'm sure YOU, Dear Reader, know someone who'd delight in.

owning one!

- Alex Tilley

i}
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proud of himsetf because he was
the youngest surfer in sight, and
me because I was the oldest.

We both bragged to Mom a lot.

The next day we limped stiffly
down to the beach, knowing that
since we now knew how to surf, all
we had to do was rent some boards
and get out there again.

We looked at each other.

“Hey, Dad, why don’t we skip
the surfing part and just go
straight to girl-watching?’’ Willy
suggested.

} thought that was a heck of a
good idea. This kid learns real
fast. Faster, ouch, than me. That’s
for sure.

Se Ges

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