Jim ~
<earney

A Bee sy
THE SPECTATOR

(® THAT World Cup soccer
final Sunday between Brazil
and Italy were meant — and
it certainly was — to sell the
game as a big-time spectator
sport in the U.S. (and by
extension in Canada), then it
must rank as one of the
worst sales pitches ever con-
ceived.

Ninety minutes of scoreless,
half-speed boredom on the super-
heated ground floor of the Rose
Bowl, then another uninspired 30
minutes of scoreless overtime.
Finally, the shootout abomination,
the first ever in a World Cup final.

The fact the Brazil won was, at
least, a triumph for natural justice.
The chaps from Samba-land did
mest of the attacking, such as it
was. They at least created mere
scoring chances, even though most
of them dribbled into pretty feeble
endings. .

As the U.S. this week gets back
to its normal sports diet of baseball
and the opening of the NFL training
camps, the World Cup and its
championship game will soon be
forgotten.

For most Americans and
Canadians, the tournament was a
fascinating novelty.

At ihe gate, it was the biggest
turastile success in 64 years of
World Cup play, but still a novelty
and, in a nation big on short-lived
fads, a month of faddishness

The supposed climax, which
was to be the sales pitch clincher,
turned out to be as much of a dodo
as the as the dullest Super Bowl
ever played.

Pearls of sport wisdom
in wake of World Cup

If only FIFA had consulted your
always avaiiable agent, this down-
beat ending could have been avoid-
ed: excitement in place of ennui;
goals in place of goose eggs. Had
international soccer's governing
body bothered to pick up the phone
they’d have been given the answer
to the shootout problem.

“Tf you can’t get rid of it at Jeast
conduct the shootout before the
game starts. That way both teams
wili know exactly what they have
to do to win. For the shootout loser,
that means attack, attack, attack.”

Had it been done this way last
Sunday, with the same shootout
result, Italy would have had to
come out of its defensive sheil right
from the beginning. Brazil would
have continued to play the game it
knows best — always moving for-
ward — and very likely we would
have been treated to a lovely bit of
3-2 or even 4-3 entertainment.

66 As the U.S. this
week gets back
to its normal
sports diet...
the World Cup and its

championship game
‘will soon be
forgotten. 9?

However, FIFA isn’t the only
outfit that pays no attention to your
agent’s infinite wisdorn on improv-
ing the sport, any sport, But some-
time before the century is out, com-
mon sense, it says here, must pre-
vail, such as:

Taking basketball away from the
human giraffes and returning it to
athletes of normal stature. That’s an
easy one. At five-foot intervals,
string piano wire across the court
six feet off the floor. .

Getting the whistles out of hock-
ey, which is supposed to be a non-
stop game.

Offsides and icings are mostly
responsible for your agent’s solu-
tion of bending the bluelines so the
wingers will still be onside, even
when they’re four feci or five feet
ahead of the puck carrier. As for the
ictngs, remove the corner face-off

circles and replace them with one
circle directly in front of the goal.
The goaltenders’ union will take
out contracts on constantly offend-
ing teammates.

Speeding up the time it takes to
play nine innings of baseball.
Statistics show that in 1994 it takes
36 minutes longer to play the aver-
age balj game than it did 20 years
ago. How to retrieve that half hour?
Simple. Make it three balls and you
walk; two strikes and you're out.

Giving golf's 18-handicap hack-
er an opportunity to feel better
about his never-improving game:
more concave greens in the shape
of shallow funnels with the hole at
the very bottom. Just a few of these
foolproof one-putt greens will be a
wonderful boost to morale and all-
round happiness.

Providing a defence against the
graphite rocket launchers that dom-
inate the top levels of men’s tennis,
all in aid of spectator entertainment.
Watching Pete Sampras or six-foot
six-inch Todd Martin deliver a
series of zillion mile-per-hour aces
hardly qualifies as entertainment.

‘There are several solution, all
designed to restore the supremacy
of all-round technique and the sight
of long exciting railies: back to
wooden frames, softer balls, raise
the net at least sia inches, eliminate
the second serve. Your agent's
choice: make those big servers go
out on the nearest sidewalk and
serve from there.

But back to the soccer pitch and
the spectre of the shoot-out, which
has very little to do with the game
and far tog much with pure luck,
good or bad.

If FIFA must stick with it as the
final solution it should at least use
the system pioneered by the late
North American Soccer League and
still used at Swangard Stadium in
the 86ers’ APSL games,

Instead of shots from the penalty
spot with the goalie allegedly sta-
tionary on the goal line, put the ball
down 35 yards out, give the shooter
just five seconds to put it in the
back of the net and let the goalie
come out ail the way to the front of
the 18-yard box to thwart him.

That, at least, would make it a
reasonably fair contest but it still
wouldn't make soccer the major-
league sport in Canada or the U.S.
that it is in Brazil, Italy and all
those countries where it really is the
only game in town.

Over here, baseball, football,
hockey and basketball are too long
established as the main events,

Wednesday, July 20, 1934 - North Shore News - 17

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