‘As I was about to advise her thai my idea of ‘Kosher was Lindy’s in New York, where you can buy anything God permits to be placed in a bottle, and just outside on Times Square passers-by kindly offer an excellent selection of pharmaceuticals, she took it upon herself to explain the rules.’’ A previous flight to Israel in 1973 had been.at the height of war, from New York via Paris. On that occasion, our jet flew over the \ : Mediterranean with Israeli Phan- . tom Fighters riding shotgun. On \ : this war rationed military flight, the only food served in !7 hours was a bag of fruit and a can of Coke. My English wife and British trade unions conspired to ensure that my peacetime return visit Da, _ : would match the exigencies of total warfare. . : . As we planned this trip, many ~ : friends advised that my routing be- LY 4 . tween London and Israel offered a se clear choice: luxury and creature “ comforts on British Airways, or unrivalied technical talent and \ safety aboard El Al. Naturally, I \ opted for the food and booze. ' Sound planning began to a disintegrate as we prepared to Boy leave our home. As we awaited a . cab, @ panicked search began for our Canadian passports (Patricia also carries a British one). No luck. The choice was to climb in the cab or postpone the trip. _ We journeyed on, and I anx- ‘ iously began to anticipate an op- . portunity to test the limits of baf- flegab. Weeks later, upon our return home, the passports were discovered. Patricia had placed . oan them in a safe, but secret, private : 4 . spot. v4 Getting into the U.K. without a Passport was not too tough. Fol- lowing my wife and her British passport, portraying a dope she aos Aprii is we Dental Health _ Keep Smiling! THE DENTAL PROFESSION OF B.C. This was to be my finest broad- cast ever, delivered to an audience of precisely one Israeli secret ser- vice agent. He was fascinated by my briefcase full of cor- respondence with high ranking Israelis, some of whom were scheduled for interviews. He radioed home to head- quarters and discovered that I had a file in Israel emanating from the Yom Kippur War. As he let me through to the aircraft, he said: “You have a good record.” This likely meant that 1 had paid my hotel bill and thought anyone named Muhammed must be a box- er. Swept into quarantine upon ar- rival in Te) Aviv, I was dispatched immediately to the Canadian Em- bassy to validate myself. wet So where does the brandy come in? Now that the suspense has de- veloped to a suitable degree, we’ll chart a rapid course toward the punch line. After departure from Heathrow aboard El Al, we found ourselves in the upstairs first class comfort A Place 7) Go When You're Pregnant And Need Support: GIRTHRIGHT | i Call 987-7315 Free Pregnancy Test « 229 Lonsdale in Vancouver Call g North Vancouver 697-7223 Wino CORRECTION NOTICE April 8 Easter Flyer The Photography tor the Bamboo Traditional Baskets on Page 6 is transposed. Aprit 15 Full Scale Sale Flyer The Photography of the mattress on Page 21 is transposed. Woolco is sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused its customers. * open lines : AS DISRESPECTFUL youngsters think of bunny rabbits of a 747, As we studied a and candies, my Easter thoughts invariably begin with a breathvaking panorama of Paris, ection , we spotted Montmartre and Sacre more profound vision: brandy. Coeur, resplendent this Easter . Sunday. This is not just any brandy, was dragging back from the Colo- This called for a drink. When mins you, but rather a religious nies, I slipped through the net. asked for a scotch, our efficient nectar of sorts, blessed by a priest The next bit of good news Sabra stewardess explained that of the Temple of Solomon. (This is greeted us upon arrival. British the flight was kosher during oe, a hyperbolic description of arab- | Airways had gone on strike. This Passover. (It was a year in which nn bi.) had been so Jong threatened that the last day of Passover coincided —_ Those who are allergic to long my conscientious travel agent had with Easter.) stories should immediately resume _ taken the precaution of also book- As | was about to advise her that munching candies, or at least seek —_—ing us on El Al. my idea of kosher was Lindy’s in . : tranquility in the Christian Like the first hint of a headache New York, where you can buy ; message of the season. delivering warmth at the base of anything God pertnits to be placed On Easter Sunday, many years the neck, realization dawned that 1__— in a bottle, and just outside on ago, we found ourselves aboard El] would now have to squirm through Times Square passers-by kindly Al Israel Airlines en route from the toughest aviation security in offer an excellent selection of | London Heathrow to Ben Gurion _ the world to get aboard El Al: pharmaceuticals, she took it upon ae Airport, Tel Aviv. . without a passport. herself to explain the rules. a nem rings took a decided turn for : " the better when it was learned that Israeli-produced wine and spirits received the required rabbinical blessing. Further research deter- mined that a double brandy — from the Carmel Vineyards — on the rocks was a reasonable facsimi- le for scotch. It mattered not that two days before, thousands of Christian pilgrims walked Jerusalem’s Via Dolorosa, pausing at the stations of the cross, and stopping in solemnity at the Church of the Ho- ly Sepulchre. Like Christ himself, I was about to face government hassles. The only significant difference was his innocence. Once again, with un- dignified determination, I humbly explained the absence of a pass- port. - week As a parting shot for Easter, there’s the story of the industrialist who asked the cost of a burial plot. Shocked by the price, he ask- ed: ‘‘For three days?” Happy Easter. e WSHIFG Bicycles of Distinction AT A I's 926-6242 1852 MARINE DR. WEST VAN GETAWAY TO VICTORIA’ Now’s the perfect time to escape to Victoria! Stay at our elegant ‘4 Diamond” hotel and pay as low as $145 deluxe for two for your first night. and get the second night for just a penny' Includes full breakfast each day. Reserve today! Offer expires: April 30/90; resiricnons mar apply. Oak Bay Veach Hotel —-—— Fictoria’s only seaside hotel 1175 BEACH DRIVE. VICTORIA, B.C. V8S 2N2 Call collect (604) 598-4556 9 - Sunday, April 15, 1990 - North Shore News AHOLIDAY THAT HEALS ~ Far away is close to home. ectacular island setting 150 kilometres north of Vancouver. Write for our free 24-page brochure: : Hollyhock, Box 127, Manson's Landing, Cortes tsland, B.C, VOP 1KO. @ or phone 1-935-6465 CREDIT UNION % Annual Members Meeting “Are you a North Shore Credit Union member? You're invited to attend the Annual General Meeting. You can ask questions, suggest ideas. Meet your Directors and staff. Learn about the new Five Year Strategic Plan and how it will affect you. You can even win one of three Early Bird Prizes if you RSVP before April 13. Come into your branch to RSVP and I'll see you at a meeting, Tuesday, April 24, 6:30pm, at the Whistler Conference Centre or Wednesday, Apri! 25, 6:30pm at the North Shore Winter Club, 1325 East Keith Road.”