52 ~ Wednesday, March 15, 1989 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

SPECIAL SURPRISES

A clever woman
will jet her
man be silly

Q. VERY SHORTLY I will have been married for 49 years
to the same man. We have weathered many storms together,
mainly because of the way we economize. From Day One
we split the cost of everything, starting with my wedding

ring. We each kicked in $10 for that.

Ever since then I have bought
myself all the presents I get. He
trasts me with ail of our money,
bat will never buy me anything for
way birthday, our anniversary,

Vaientine’s Day, Christmas — you
wame it. Those are all days the
shopkeepers have dreamed up to
fill their coffers, according to him.
I love flawers and buy them for
myself every week.

ask
Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth Westheimer

I know he foves me but I feel
terribly cheated. I’m sure it will
never happen, but I would give
enything to get 2 small diamond
from him before I die.

A. If you would give anything
for that, what about the small
trouble of writing him a note say-
ing you want him to indulge you in
this one little folly, even if it is sil-
ly, conventional, artificial and
playing into the hands of the
shopkeepers. Tell him you know
you could go pick it out and pay
for it yourself, but you want it to
be from him, one he shops for and
selects and presents to you.

A husband who trusts his wife
witn ali the money is a trusting
husband indeed and you can con-
gratulate yourself on having a man
like that. if be is short on senti-
ment and given to too much
unromantic practicality, maybe
you both started out agrecing on
tiat and kept it up all those years.
without practicing any little gift-
giving, spouse-pleasing, mate-
surprising ceremonies.

Some people do disdain Valen-
tine’s Day and other calendar
events, but have their own ir-
regular celebrations. The danger of
being unconventional in this kind
of thing is that you may let every
opportunity slide by if you can’t be
square or corny enough to observe
Valentine’s Day or an anniversary.

Often when a woman gets a
husband, he is unpracticed in

observing things. He claims that if
you know he loves you, the rest is

silly. Well, ceremonies between
married people are not silly, or .~
they are silly, they are still mutual-
ly pleasing and helpful.

A clever woman will retain her
man to be siily on appropriate oc-
casions. You can write that note to
him about the diamond, but be
sure to spring funny little surprises
on him — gifts from the candy
counter or a tie from the depart-
ment store where you buy things
for yourself. And, some time soon,
let him know that you love his be-
ing sensible, and you like being
sensible as well, but a little surprise
from a longtime lover does some-
thing very, very special for you.

Q. E bang cut ia this bar and got
involved with one of the
patrous. This is not what Mom
hed in mind for me, but then
nothing was after E turned 16. 1
kave been married and divorced
and around, and one good thing is
Thave no kids.

Well, this drinking buddy and I
moved in tegetlor and lately I got
to thinking about marrying him
and I asked my sister what she
thought. Boy, did she tell me. I
was lezy sud a low-ackiever and
just slid into this relationship out

-of inertia and my boyfriend aid I

would end up going nowhere with
darunkard’s ailments.

I baven’t spoken to her since bet
I Bave thought about her words. I
really haven’t the mental energy to
get oat of my present predicament.
How would I do all that? And,
meanwhile, how do I make up with
Sis without losing all self-respect? I
did solicit her opinion, after all.

A. First of ail, call up your sister
right now and say you miss talking
to her about everything under the
sun except, please, your relation-
ship and your boyfriend. Tell her
you realize that you invited her
opinion and then did not like it, se
you don’t resent her giving it but
just feel that you have to have this
relationship and deal with it your
own way. Also, you have to be on
speaking terms with your sister
because that is important to you.

You don’t give me your sister’s
circumstances. My first thought is
that she may be jealous. of your
having this man in your life. 1
can’t assess the justice of her opi-
nion, because she might fear some-
thing genuinely dangerous about
your life. On the other hand, a lot
of people have regular bars they
hang out in or visit regularly
without being alcoholics.

1 don’t know why she says you
won't have a rewarding life with
this man. You have to think over
her words and decide how much
you should take them to heart. If
you love him and have the impulse
to make a life with him, then you
have to decide with hira if the rela-
tionship does have the kind of
future you both want.

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