34 - Wednesday, October 10, 1990 - North Shore News Q. | AM a Hispanic man and have been married for 19 years. We have three sons. Two years ago my wife left me with the boys. I was broken-hearted, but she did return. We went to counselling together and through the process I learned Dr. Ruth Westheimer ASK DR. RUTH some of the things I'd been doing wrong in our marriage and tried to change them. Now she has left me again with the boys. I still love her and J am very sexually aroused by her, even though our sex life hasn't been that good since the first time she left. } don’t know if she will come back this time, and I know you can't solve our marriage problems, but J} am also worried about something else. Whenever | masturbate, I am fantasizing her. Is there anything wrong with that? A. No, there is nothing wrong with that. To masturbate with her in mind is perfectly normal. You are still in love with her and also hoping for another reconciliation. But if she does not return and is not willing to work on the mar- riage, you will have to Jet go of these images of her. Thinking about her while you masturbate must induce feelings of sadness. If you cannot win her back, let some time pass. Then start secing other women. As you begin to date again, you will gradually LIFESTYLES Fantasizing is perfectly normal to do in those fan- 1 wish replace your wile tasies with other women. you good luck. Q. 1 read in your column that premature ejacutation (PE) is easi- ly cured with treatment. E don't understand one thing, What's to stop it from bappening again after IVs supposedis **cured?"* My probiem with PE has caused relationships to end almost) as quickly as — do in bed. § haven‘t had sev with a woman in nearly two years because of this. bo am afraid to get ms hopes up over a “cure” if there's: a chance PI be back in the same place again. Can T ever have a normal sex tife? There's no point in seeing a therapist if I don’t bave a partner either, is there? A. There are no guarantees in life? I don't have a crystal ball, so T can‘ tell you if, in your case, it might return or not. Dent you think solving the problem sight now is more important than wor- rying if it will return someday? Many men find that once they learn how to recognize the mo- ment of inevitability before ejaculation, they can control the problem with litle ar no difticul- ty. That knowledge, and the fa- miliarity with the physical tech- niques for delaying ejaculation, are all they need. Buy Bernie Zilbergeld’s book Male Sexuality, which 1 frequently recommend in this column. You can use these techniques during masturbation. Yes, you can see a sex therapist without a partner! Q. Iam a very happily married woman, 45 years old, with two children. Since adolescence, I've had a very strong sex drive. My husband is a wonderful lover, but he doesn’t have the urge to have sex as many times a week as I do. We have worked oul a com- promise. [ masturbate when I want sex and ke doesn't. Through masturbation, I am able to have many, many orgasms - *« many as 15 or more. This atying me. Is there somethin, ng with me that I can have so mery orgasms via masturbation? | am afraid my sex drive may be too strong. Is that possible? A. No, there is nathing wrong with you. It could be that what you experience as several little orgasms is actually a prolonged CASSIAR CONNECTOR PROJECT Current plans of the Cassiar Connector Project which is under construction will be displayed ar the: Hastings Community Centre 3096 East Hastings Street Vancouver, B.C. Thursday, October 11 — 3:00-8:00 p.m. Tursday, October 18 — 2:30-6:30 p.m. Representatives from the Ministry's Project Manager, Fenco Lavalin Corp., the General Contractor, SCI Engineering and Constructors Inc. and the Landscape Architect, Catherine Berris and Associates will be at the display to answer questions regarding the project. If you are unable to converse in English, ic is suggested you bring along a friend who can translate questions and answers tor you. > nal Province of Britsh Columbia Ministry of Transportation and Highways. People helping people. @ United way United Way husband for working out such a good sesual compromise. Many couples do not have the same level of sexual desire. or “sen drive.” Tt takes maturity to say, We have orgasmic response. But) whether you are having one or 20 orgasms through masturbation, vou should not worry about it. Enjoy! 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