42 - Sunday, January 10, 1988 — North Shore News

Lifestyles__

DEAR MISS MANNERS -—-
I don’t have houschold help,
so when I[ have’ dinner
guests, my attention is

back on the edge of the table and
reseat yourself until you believe the
course should be changed,

DEAR MISS MANNERS — Hav-
ing already tived aw half-century. [

Mill find social situations [feed
unprepercd to handle, or perhaps F
lack the proper perspective, or
perhaps the sense of humar.

1) After inviding comeone ta my

home, | will hear, “Who else is
coming?" of ‘Did you Invite
anyone else?"*

2) Not having heard from some-
one ina while, I call and hear, ‘'T

t al

hesitate to call you because | figure
you must be very busy.” This is
similar to “When did you stop
See Make
Page 43

distracted during last-minute
preparations for serving.

Al various times, just as we were
about (o sit down, guests have
quickly removed my centrepiece
from between the candlesticks to
the sideboard. (My centrepieces do
not obstruct the diners.) [— have
been appalied but have not known
what to say.

For Christmas, I had ao lovely
basket of satin balls as a cen-
treplece. One guest grabbed them
off. I had no negative thoughts
about the action, but moved the
basket back to the table,
whereupon the guest, a relative,
emitted a derisive snort.

Another problem: My husband
is a siow cater, and he enjoys his
food and conversation. He is
always last, and I have had guests
jump up and begin carrying off
focd and dishes while he is still
eating. I remain seated and protest
adamantly but nicely. It does no
goud.

What can I say or do in both
cases, short of becoming abrasive?
Can you picture guests at your
home removing your centrepiece?
Or clearing off the table while a
diner is still cating?

Pts nega paper to mma tace mn e te Eta e  temeT

} le
At up to half-price on selected items.

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by Judith
Martin

Go the swag lamps!
Fixtures! Table Lamps!
GENTLE READER = hi Chandeliers! The desk Lamps!
= is no ;
favor toa hostess when, under the Floor Lam ps!
guise of lightening her load, guests
. deprive her of her right to preside
: as she. sees fit over her own house-
hold: - .
Miss: Manners would have done
, as you did, with one notable ex-
- ception. It would not have occur-
ted to her:to fret. when a guest’
-emitted a ‘rude.and derisive snort.
‘That guest’ would. have gotten a
beatific smile that pinned him to
his chair like a butterfly. -
‘, Perhaps what-you really need is
lovely satin ribbons to tie- your -
guests to their chairs. Failing that,
you must do it with words. The
best would be a complete rejection
of “help,” with the polite but firm
explanation ..that such assistance
| not only spoils your enjoyment of
’ your guests but also interferes with .
_ your serving system. .” . ee @
“No really, I much prefer to do , 3
this ‘myself,’”’ you must. say as
often as necessary. (Or, if you do
want some help, ‘1 can’t manage
‘it just yet. — could you wait until
I’m ‘ready?”’) ‘‘! have the kitchen-
organized. so that it’s actually. less -
work’ for me. than if people are
streaming in and out. You’re all .
very kind to offer, but. DO SIT:
DOWN!” me oe
When they get up anyway, rise
to meet them and take the plates
out of their hands right there in the
dining room. ‘‘Oh, do let’s wait
until everyone’s through,’’ you —
must say gently. ‘‘Please sit
down.”
After standing there for a split
sedond, which will seem endless,
-yotr-car~quietly~park—the—plates—~=

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